Defiant 3 Year Old Son in Between Homeschooled Girl and Newborn Girl

oh, girl you've NO idea how much this sounds like my daughter. She's 3 also, and the baby of the family.. She got any writing utensil she could find, and took to the walls. ( we also homeschool her three older siblings) She used to take the lotions, shampos, dads shaving cream, etc... and fill the toilet w/ it if not try to flush things like my cell phone or the digital camera down it first. I would cry every day because she was so out of control. I tried the exact same methods you did.. Realizing that our only time spent together was me discplining her, I decided to allow her to interact with the other kids. I went online and got printouts of how to write letters. She took right to that like an ant in sugar. Then I did colors, shapes, which baby animal goes with this momma animal. etc.. She sat down and actually enjoyed doing her " stoo wort" ( school work) Now she's exceeded my 7 YO in lessons.. She just wanted to be included and was so afraid that if I DI include her I'd be pushing her before she was ready to learn.

Also I want to COMMEND you A THOUSAND TIMES in taking charge of your childrens education. Knowing they're in a safe environment and not having to deal with the outside world till she ready. I commend you a LOT for this. Keep up the good work. My 4 are 12, 11, 7, and of course the 3 YO.) I'll never regret anything about their education,, and they've already exceeded their requirements for the school year and are moving on to the next grade.
Hope this helps,,
God bless,
A.

This is his "independent phase". It's about control. He is fighting you for control with the only thing HE can control- his behaviour and his bowels.

(I've been through it twice and am currently at this point with my 3rd.)

Being the middle child, perhaps he feels he's not getting the amount of attention that say, the older homeschooled child and the newer baby are getting.

That's not to say that he should get his way. But it might be a good idea to include him fully in both the older's education and the younger's routines.

Pick your fights with him carefully. When I finally told my son last week "There is no Mommy right now." during one of his many ignoring me tantrums- he freaked out. He became the most well behaved little boy because he didn't want me to ignore him. (I wasn't. I had an ear on him and would have intervened if he were doing anything dangerous.) He tried coloring on the wall. I ignored him. This upset him. He turned off the TV. I ignored it. This bugged him more. Two more random things that he'd normally get in trouble for and suddenly he ran to the bathroom, sat on the potty, used it and came to tell me all about it- just to get my attention. I gave him tons of positive attention for it.

The next day he tried to get some negative attention- I told him again, "There is no Mommy right now." and after a couple of tries, he gave up and did exactly what he was supposed to be doing.

If you are worried about him harming himself, just put him in his room or safe place and wait him out.

It could totally be a combination of both. Have you always homeschooled your daughter or is her staying home a new thing? Did he use to have more alone time with you than he does now because both his sisters are there?
I would suggest ATTEMPTING to fit in special time each day to spend with him. That being said, my son is an only child and went through a diafant time in his three's. He would get so mad he would run himself into walls. So in order to punish him I had to use safe restraints, such as the basket hold, to keep him safe. I learned that for that time I could never let up, or go easy on any rule at any time if I really wanted him to follow it. But it passed, and pretty quickly. We let him cry it out in his room. I taught him that if he's getting mad he needs to take himself to his room for a calm down time. Hang in there!

Be patient! He is regressing a bit with the potty do to the new baby. My son did...I didn't even give birth to the new baby in our lives...I just babysat her when he was 2-3. But it still effected him the same way. You may need to look at how ou son is spending his time when you are home schooling your older daughter too. He is at that age, older than baby but still needs mom, wants to be a big boy too. When you are doing school work, get him involved with his own work book on colors, numbers etc. But set some time aside while the baby is asleep - snuggle with him just the 2 of you. He is just feeling misplaced and needs to regain his barings. Good luck, and congrats on the new addition!

I agree with the other great advice that you have been given. Make sure he is getting your undivided attention too, just like the big sister during homeschooling and the baby. I understand that it might be more stressful for you to get him involved while homeschooling your eldest, but its also a great opportunity for him to be learning as well. Kids learn faster at this age than at any other time in life. Try backing off on the potty training for a while, he just needs to know he is as important as the other members of the family. Also, try talking about the emotions he is having so he can use words to tell you how he feels, and not hitting or acting out. Best of luck to you and your family.

I'm the mother of 3 sons and a school psychologist (for 25 years). I think your son is protesting his "dethronement" as baby of the family. I believe that if you're able to spend 10-15 minutes of uninterupted time with him, alone, at least 5 days per week, his comfort level and desire to cooperate with you will increase dramatically. Spend that private time doing something he enjoys (playing cars, action figures, Memory game, picture books, Duplos, wooden blocks) and attending exclusively to him (your husband cares for the girls, answers the phone, doorbell, etc.). By spending this quality, 1-to-1 time with him, he gets his time with mom, renewing relationship and rapport. Your bond will be refreshed and his desire to obey and please you should increase dramatically. Major misbehavior will still have to be dealt with, dispassionately and quickly, but ignore as much as possible and discipline only the most intolerable. Hope this helps! L.