Are there any Women here dealing with decreased Male Libido with their 50 or Older Men? My Boyfriend is appraoching 50, and within the past 7 months, our sex life has gone from "POW" to almost non-existent.
We have been together a Year, and he has proposed. I'm extremely worried that we won't be compatible in that department.
He says its low Testosterone (he was recently tested) coupled with the pressure he's putting on himself to perform.
I felt that it could possibly be me, and that he's no longer attracted, but he swears that's not the problem.
I don't know what to think, because sex is always on the minds of most men I know (young and old).
Anyone else here dealing with this?
Low T would explain this 100%. What is he doing about that? If he's treating that, then it's pretty likely that you'll see things return to what you're used to. Be patient and supportive and see how his treatment works...you'll appreciate the same from him when you're hormones change ;-)
I think you're both at an age (him 50ish, you 48) where your bodies are changing.
Besides his issues (low testosterone, and possibly prostate), you've got menopause on the horizon.
How women react to that varies quite a bit - some want more sex, others not so much.
It's great not needing to worry about pregnancy/birth control anymore.
There's nothing wrong with long engagements.
Take your time - there should be no pressure on either of you - and see how really compatible you are.
Because if you two are going to be together 'till death do us part' - and you both live for another 30 or 40 years - you need to be compatible in LOTS of ways besides sex.
It is not uncommon for some men to have a low libido, and it has nothing to do with the woman they are with most of the time. Low T could definitely be it, as well as other medical or psychological issues such as stress. If he is going to the doctor to try to get to the bottom of his lack of desire I would wait to see if you guys can get back on track in the sack, but I would not jump into marriage just yet. A year is not that long and you want to be sure that you will be compatible in all ways before saying I do. I know that for myself no sex in a marriage would be a deal breaker unless we agreed to a more "open" arrangement.
Added: While I agree with some of the other posters that there is of course much more to a relationship then sex, that does not make it unimportant. Some people can be very dismissive about issues like this, or try to make you feel badly for considering sex an important part of your life, don't let them! Often that is simply because sex is not important TO THEM! Don't let them make you feel guilty for knowing what you need to feel satisfied in a long term relationship or for considering something that is normal and healthy important. Sex increases closeness and intimacy and for many it can be very difficult, if not impossible, to feel truly connected to a partner if you are never, or very rarely, together in that way.
First, did you ask him in a gentle and non-accusatory way why he feels pressure to perform? And what is his answer? And what do you think about his answer? Is he being honest? Is he starting to withdraw in other ways? Low testosterone is treatable. Honesty, safety and compatibility in a relationship need to be earned and respected and protected.
I'm extremely worried that you are extremely worried already about not being compatible "in that department." Because there is so much more to a marriage than the act of sexual intercourse. Are you testing his virility and stamina to make sure he can fulfill you 'in that department?" There are so many sexual problems and effective treatments that I think if you truly loved this man you'd be willing to research and look into options. Versus jumping to the conclusion you're already not compatible 'in that department' considering he is entering a decade of his own life where often this aspect of one's life does indeed slow down.
P.S. Did you change your name recently??? Because this new one is certainly ALL about you
It's a myth that men are all about hormones/libido and women are all about mood and cuddling. Men's egos and feelings are just as involved in sex as women's. I'd look at a 7 month decline as being related to a whole bunch of things. Low testosterone may be part of it, but he may also be saying that to assign a medical reason to the entirety of the problem. All relationships go from the "zing" of the early infatuation into a more settled familiarity. But you're only together for a year. And you should be working on all the aspects of your relationship. You two may not have developed the communication skills needed to address issues of all kinds.
If you put pressure on him to perform, ask him to reassure you that you are still attractive, and let him know that he's different from most men by not being interested in enough sex, your relationship is doomed.
Probably a combination of a medical check-up (for both of you) and couples counseling would help establish a foundation so that you both realize relationships are dependent on more than sex.
I also suggest to your fiance to go get a prostate exam. I am not trying to scare you but better to be safe than sorry. He may not want to admit there is a problem but do encourage him to do it so that he can get things cleared up before there is a problem.
Just don't get discouraged and it is not you. Been there done that and have a few sweatshirts. We now have other issues that we are dealing with. You can pm if you wish.
the other S.
Well as long as he's seeking treatment for his low testosterone and getting everything else tested you guys should be back on track in no time!
