Dealing with Underlying Jealousy

I know from experience that it is REALLY HARD, but set some time aside each day to be alone with each child. This gives them the attention they crave (NEED) without having to resort to unpleasant behavior to get it.

Maybe he is just overwhelmed with all the changes that are going on in your house. He is the oldest maybe you are not knowing or realizing that you are are putting pressure on him. Again he is just probably swapped with everything going on.
You should try and get away with him for the day- just you and him- and go to the park, talk, and have fun. You should try to spend alone time with each child once in awhile.
I try to take my children to an event each year by ourselves. This Saturday my and Isabel (2nd child) are going to Disney on Ice. About a few weeks ago my son and I did a retreat together. And during the summer my two older children will be going to stay with Grandma so I can spend time with the youngest. You get me point, I try to do things for them that make them feel extra special. It could be even taking him to the store, after putting the other children asleep and read to him, going outside to look at stars they just love being with you. If your husband can do the same in taking him for a special day together that would be awesome too.
Talk with his teacher and counselor about what is going on.
When he has good day give him lots of praise and when he has not so good days let him know you are proud of him for trying but would like him to try harder tomorrow.
If he is good all week take him out and buy him a dollar toy.

I give you two thumbs up for having four children to young. I have three and I'm always overwhelmed with evertthing going on around me.
Good Luck and hope this helps,
L.

I'm going through the same thing with my almost 6 year old, and am at my witts end as to what to do for him... we have tried everything we can think of...the only thing left to try s spending one on one time with him, which is hard with my husband's schedual...he works over nights, so he is either at work or asleep, so leaving the baby with him right now is hard... that and I am breastfeeding...

When I had my last baby (2 years ago) my then 3 year old started acting out. Bad! I didn't get it until my mom suggested she may be a little jealous. What I did is let her help with the baby, u know things like, get me the diaper, hold the bottle, check on her, etc. Talking to her during this time and telling her and reminding her that she's such a good big sister. I also set special time just for me and her. My husband would watch over the baby (mostly when the baby was sleeping :)) and my other daughter and I would do what ever she wanted to do, play a game, watch a show, read a book, etc. She grew out of it. She loves her little sister very much now and doesn't have any acting out problems. Actually she needs a little more backbone at times because her little sister walks all over her now! :)

I constantly point out to my 2 year old the things that he can do that and his little sister can't. I tell stories about when he was little, and point out how much he has grown. Then I tell him how proud I am. I also try to spend a little one-on-one time with him, even if it means that he gets to stay up past bedtime. So far, no jealousy.
Hope that helps :D

L.,

Have you tried spending one on one time with your oldest son? Take him out on a date, to a movie, etc, w/o your new born and just have fun w/him w/o talking about the new little one or making calls to the sitter to find out how he is. It will make him feel important.

M.

ok- first you definitely have your hands full! good luck! but also I have a suggestion...it may sound silly but its the little things that count. If you pack his lunch and if he reads, write him "i love you notes from mommy" in his lunch box..or give him something extra for doing stuff around the house-stickers...it's the little things.
or just make an hour out of your day-in the evening to be his time with mommy...every kid needs their own attention.
good luck again!

I don't know if you can identify it as jealousy for sure, but it is safe to say that he is reacting to all the changes in the home that a new baby brings. Children deal with change in so many ways - this could just be his. I would suggest that you not let him hear that word or say it when others are around - it might escalate the problem. I like the idea of spending special time with just him, making him feel special for being the oldest, and keeping consistent with routines that are in place. These are all helpful and will make him feel more secure in the new situation.

I was 7 years old when my baby sister was born. My brother was 4 years old. So this is kind of a similar situation to the age groups you have. Although I didn't act up, I think I felt a sense of loss because of all the attention the baby was getting. I loved my sister and was happy to have her but now my little brother was a big brother and maybe I just felt a little lost in the midst. I think if you can make time for your 7 year old, like possibly showing up to school to have lunch with him or bringing some special treats to school for the class and doing little things that let your child know you haven't forgot just how special he is just may be the key. Take some pictures of he and his new baby so he can show off to his friends and teachers how important his big brother role is. Talk to his teachers so that they know what is going on, I am certain they have experienced this before and will know more specifically how to handle the situation with your son. I owned a preschool for 13 years and most times a little more attention, understanding and love from we teachers went a long way. Good luck to you. My prayers are going out for you and your situation. This too shall pass.

Keep your schedule very routine and consistent. I am sure it has gotten out of wack with the newborn, but try to resume some structure. Talk to him about his behavior and let him know it is unacceptable under any circumstances. Sometimes we allow change to excuse bad behavior. Talk to his teacher and she can have him talk to the counselor. Make sure you do things for him like reading a bedtime story and tucking him in at night. You can also just plain ask him if he is jealous and if he feels things have changed in the house. His perspective may be completely unexpected but just what you need to hear. Give him lots of hugs and listen to him when he talks about school, friends, whatever. That will make him feel like you care about him. Just don't try to replace yourself with a new toy or some other reward for being jealous. He just wants his mommy too. Good luck!