My 4-year-old boy was playing with his two male cousins, aged 8 years old and 9 years old, when they were caught by the nanny experimenting with sex. I cried so hard after being informed by the nanny, imagining how my 4-year-old was almost sodomized! How do I deal with this? I already had a talk with the parents of the two boys, and my son seems fine, he thinks it's all play. What do I do?
Thank you very very much, everyone. Each one of you are a huge help, and I appreciate it very much. I have not had the opportunity to have a serious talk with my little one, and I am looking forward to this weekend to do it (I will take him swimming to a resort for some quality time, just the two of us with the nanny and with my mom). Thank you for pointing out that it was not sodomy; for the record, the older cousin was trying to pull off anal sex (I tremble as I type these words).
My son is known in our neighborhood for having a happy disposition, and for being quite affectionate. I am so glad that there are no negative changes to his demeanor after the incident, and I hope I will not see any in the future. Again, thank you so much! From the deepest bottom of a mother's heart!
whoa..those older boys can not be around your son..they need some talking to but i wouldn't feel safe with them around your son. You need to explain to your son that that is wrong and not to let anyone touch him sexually....sorry this happened..those older boys should know better than to mess around with a little 4 year old...ugh!
Ugh! Scary stuff! One of my nephews and one of my stepsons experimented (and were caught by me) w/each other when they were 4 and 5 and my stomach was sick about it for days!!
I would be inclined to chalk it up to normal experimenting, because kids do go thru this stage....HOWEVER, the cousins sound too old to still be in this "experimenting stage"...absolutely keep it in the back of your mind when/if the cousins get together again...always watch them, like a hawk!! Hopefully the parents of these boys will take this seriously and take the appropriate measures to ensure they will not be doing this to anyone else...ever again!
I agree with the other mom that said leave your son alone about it for awhile...seeing how he thinks it was just play, and wasn't traumatized by it, don't push your fears on him, he will probably forget it ever happened!
Then in a couple weeks start talking to him about "good touch/bad touch" and to always tell mommy or daddy if ANYONE wants to touch him or have him touch them.
It'll be OK mom...he will probably forget the whole thing ever happened, I mean it!
Marda had a great answer, and as to some of the moms asking "how do these kids know about this stuff so early?" - TV. Kids watch tv shows and act stuff out; if sex is on there and they're not taught about it, they may imitate it.
The parents of the 2 boys should talk to their kids to make sure that there's nothing going on negatively there in case they are acting out something that happened to them. Be cautious and make sure everyone's ok, but try not to freak out, cause our little ones freak when we freak.
Starting to teach him about body boundries is a great idea.
I think I would freak out too.
As for the 2 older boys, I'd try to avoid them in future and you already talked with the parents.
As for your son, don't make it a dig deal now. He thinks it was play and is OK, so don't have him freak out too. But, then, in a couple of weeks, begin to educate him about body boundaries, what can be shown/should be hidden except to the doctor, that nobody can touch his private parts except himself including adults, that he should report if someone tries to do so...
never let them be alone together ever again - without you watching, with you're eyes on him.
I don't have an answer but I do want to thank you for asking the question. I think you got very helpful and informative answers. I have a little one that I worry about because EVERYONE tells us HE is so beautiful. I take all the advice you have received and hope I don't ever have to use it. I am soo sorry you both have been put in this awful situation. Many blessings for you and your son.
I'm very glad your son is okay. You seem to have a good idea as to what you are doing there. My daughter was molested as a youngster, and I am very glad for you it was not any worse than it was. Do keep it light with him. I wish you the best.
So I would like to address something else that also really worries me. I would still talk to the parents of the cousins, just in case something is happening (or happened) to them. Those boys may need protecting from something.
I know some people are saying they could have learned it from tv, but that makes me wonder what they are watching to want to try anal sex. Even that makes me think these boys need help too.
Keep him away from those kids! I would freak out! I have 2 boys, ages 5 and 3 and if anything happened like that, my boys would never see those kids again! Make me wonder how they even know about that though and how it works... You may want to speak to the parents more and make sure they realize the seriousness of the issue... If they are doing it already at 8 & 9, what is going to happen when they are 16 or in their 20's? If the parents do not take it seriously I would recomend filing a complaint with the police department. I know it seems serious, but you never know what these kids could do in the future... Waht if they had finished what they started in the closet? How do you know that they haven't done it to other kids or that they wont?
Talk to your son tell him this behaveure is wrong . Talk to the parents of the boys perhapes you son should be somewhere else there also books which decuss simlure subjects good luck A. no hills
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TALK TO YOUR SON TELL HIM THIS BEHAVEURE IS WRONG . TALK TO THE PARENTS OF THE BOYS PERHAPES YOU SON SHOULD BE SOMEWHERE ELSE THERE ALSO BOOKS WHICH DECUSS SIMLURE SUBJECTS GOOD LUCK A. NO HILLS
You need to talk to your pediatrician about this one, definitely. I imagine they are going to say that your son will be fine, but I would still want to find out from a professional what to do about this. It sounds like it definitely went beyond the "I'll show you mine" thing most kids do and have no issues with. Those cousins are way older than what seems normal. Plus I would want it documented that I knew something occurred and took steps proactively to seek help for, just in case something comes up later. I'm so sorry, that is a terrible thing to have to deal with.
