Dealing with Seperation from Two of Your Children

L.,
You are in my prayers. Seek sone type of counseling right away youa re going thru too much at one time. Churches of all kinds do it for free, look at your insurance and see what is covered. Talk to your Doctor about your depression and get on something right away. Start excersising, walking does wonders! Stress is released naturally and you will feel good about yourself. Do something with a girl friend that you can trust like a pedicure, manicure, haircut, lunch, bookstore, library..etc....
Good luck and prayers to you!
Christina

As a mother with two fine grown young men and being seperated from my oldest since hes 11 hes 35 now I know your pain it is not easy . Empty nest at any age is painful and As many of our sons and daughters prepare to deploy to foreign soil that pain is magnified a hundred thousand times over. My Son my BABY all 6'5 soon to be 24 almost deployed to Iraq, medically he was discounted from active duty. It hurt I could not look at any soldier deploying or even type the word deployment without tears. What has helped me with this is a product called My Huggy Bear this little bear is a girls dream and a moms aching hearts blessing. Their sons or daughters or any loved one can record a message and then their loved one is only a hug away. I have one for my baby and oh how my heart goes out to mothers and fathers everywhere when i see the passing of our greatest asset our children.

L.,

I had a major depressive episode after my son was born so I know how terrible that can feel. One of the things that helped me was when the doctor said " Try to remember that [the thoughts I was having] are distorted thoughts from the depression, not reality." It helped me when I was feeling really down about something to be able to say "this is the depression talking, I know that he really is alright."

Best of luck, dear. Depression stinks! Know that you aren't alone!

L.,

It is absolutly normal to miss your boys! Will their father let you call them? Remind yourself that this is just a visit. I bet that your son is missing you too.

I bet the death of your cat is contributing to your sadness. Many people say it was a pet, get over it. But our pets are part of our family.

You mentioned having depression and Bipolar. Are you taking your medication? That is so important, even if you are feeling like you don't need it any more, keep taking it! I strongly suggest that if you can afford it, that you find a counselor/ therapist who has experience with people who have depression and bipolar disorders. It is amazing how much you learn about yourself in counseling (I'm in it right now).

I would also suggest prayer. Ask God to help you have the strength to deal with your sadness, rather than for Him to take it away.

S.

L., you've already gotten some good advice. I would add that you might want to consider doing some volunteer work at a women's shelter. I've learned that when I am forced to focus on others, my own problems seem to pale in comparison. (Nothing like a healthy dose of someone else's much worse reality to make me feel like my problems are a glorified pity party.) I am not trying to minimize your feeling or your situation, and you should certainly give yourself time to adjust to the situation, and express your feelings in a healthy, positive way. However, make sure that you put a daily time limit on how long you'll allow yourself to focus on yourself. If you are part of a church, I would recommend making an appointment to see your pastor or another spiritual leader in the church. Don't feel bad about asking for prayer. (and don't feel that you "owe" everyone a detailed explanation about why you're asking for prayer, either.)
You didn't mention whether any of this involves a custody agreement or how long it was expected to last. If you know that there is a definite time frame involved, focus on the positive of knowing when you'll see or talk to your sons again.
With regards to the depression & bipolar disorder, presumably you see a physician or therapist regularly to help you with those issues. If you don't see that person regularly, or haven't seen them since the separation, I'd recommend scheduling an appointment as soon as possible, just so they're "in the loop" on what's going on in your life.
I'll be praying for you & your boys ~ God bless you for having the courage to ask for help!

Dear L.,

It is absolutely normal to cry and feel sad when your children are not with you for a while. I even miss my children when my parents watch them overnight! However, it sounds as though your feelings are intensified by depression (as you stated in your "a little about me" section.) If you aren't already, I would encourage you to seek counseling. I would also encourage you to get out and walk or do some form of exercise even if you don't feel like it. I'm sure you have heard it before, but really try to take one moment at a time. Can you work on something special for your children for when you are reunited?

Focus on caring for yourself. Take bubble baths, go for walks if your schedule permits...it is tough to do things you once enjoyed when you are depressed, I know this.

Do you have a good support system? Don't hesitate to lean on your friends during this time - if they are true friends, they will be there for you.

I wish you so many blessing, L..

Be well!
M.

Lynette,

yes, Yes, YES. I think it would be abnormal if you didn't feel some separation anxiety. When I divorced my ex, the girls were 1 and 3 yrs old. Whenever they went to their dad's to visit, I worried. And I always prayed that nothing would happen to them on his watch, because I knew I would blame him big time, even if it wasn't his fault.

You are dealing with some tough stuff in your life right now. Plus you are separated from one son, and now temporarily from a second one. And then the cat goes and dies. It is a downer for someone without bipolar. However, when you are bipolar and life tanks around you, it's tougher. Do you have a good enough relationship with your doctor to call and let him/her know that you need some help? If you are dealing with depression, I am guessing that you either stopped taking your medication, or your meds aren't working for you right now. If it is the latter, call your doctor and maybe the doctor can adjust your meds so you feel less depressed. Missing your kids isn't easy, but it shouldn't spawn an outright depression. Crying is okay, and feeling sad is okay, but if you feel you are spiralling down to an outright depression, you really need to get some help from the medical field. It's not uncommon to need to change your meds from time to time, and the stressors in your life right now could be good reasons to do so.

Other things you can do, in addition to checking with your doctor about your meds, is to plan some fun things to do with the kids you have at home. That's what I do when my husband goes away on business trips. I tell the girls Daddy will be gone, and we dream up activities we can do together to make it a "girls" weekend or something like that. he was away last weekend, and (they are teens) we went to a football game together, then we went to the high school band competition. Of course, they are bigger, so they found friends and ran off, and I went alone, but I expected that at the football game, and I volunteered to work the band competition, so I was in the concession stand and was busy all night, while they hung with their buds. But we all kept busy while Dad was away. I don't know how old your kids are, but maybe you can come up with some things you can do together, that are special. Remember that they are missing their brothers, too. :-)

Take care and get some help. You took the first step by writing to "all the moms out there" to get a reality check; and you should probably follow up with a medical reality check so you know you have the medical support you need to stay on top of the bipolar thing. While it's a pain in the butt to take pills every day, it's better to take pills than it is to go through depressions. I'm proud of you for sharing. You are doing it right.

Dear L.,
Since you mention depression and bipolar, I would urge you to discuss these feeling with your therapist. I'm sure the situation is heartbreaking and I sympathize. Do your two oldest booys live out of state full time or is it just for a visit? If it is for a visit, I would hope you would stay in touch and plan a special day for their return :)
Sending good thoughts and I wish you well.