Dealing with Family and New Baby

I told my mom she was welcome to visit, but we weren't allowing ANYONE to stay with us after we had the baby. We made that rule for everyone, and whoever came to visit stayed in a hotel and only stayed the weekend. Made for much less stress for me, even though my mom still talks about how Brad didnt want her to stay, when it was my idea and me that told her.

I totally understand and agree with you. Well, unless you have a good amount of money and will be completely furnishing your new apartment, including a guest room, where would everyone sleep? You can't be expected to give up your bed after just having a baby and besides, the baby will be sleeping in your room with you possibly.

You need to let them know that there is no way your apartment will be ready for guests as soon as you move into it. Geez, I hate relatives that just make these assumptions that they can stay with you and not even ask you.
I'm anxious to see what advice you get from others.

the only way to tell them, is to tell them. Watching your tone of voice... keeping it pleasant.

There is no way, I would want that either. NO way.

And with a new baby.. you don't want all those people in the house...and germs or if anyone is sick. NOT good for baby.
The first priority should be the baby... and your own family. AND your Husband.

they are displaying poor manners... and selfish. They cannot assume that you will have your own apartment by then either. Are you guys looking for one already?????? Next, it usually takes longer than 2 weeks to find a job.....

all the best,
Susan

Why is it that so many people nowdays, don't seem to care for their families very much? Why is everything an inconvinience? Has anyone stopped to think that perhaps it's quite inconvinient to travel a long way to see you too?! Enjoy your family while they are still around to enjoy!! It's only for two weeks, I'm sure you will survive the "inconvinience".

Just be honest and polite. A new apartment, a new baby, you're barely going to have time to furnish the thing, let along be a host. Tell them you want them there, but you're not going to be in any shape to have them stay - it'll be overwhelming. My mom-in-law and sis came when I had my son and they stayed at a hotel that was only 1/2 mile from our apartment. It worked out very well - they were close enough to walk if they wanted to! SH has the right idea :) Good luck. You're completely right in what you want and need.

There is no easy way to tell them, so just tell them. You won't need that added stress after delivering a baby. Yes, during the day they would be helpful so you can nap, but they need to leave and go to a hotel at night. Just say it; there is no easy or "nice" way. Good luck!

K. K. - if this is how you feel, tell them, you may want to email your msg to them = Yes they may be hurt, they may get angry - but I thing I can guaranttee you is that they will not take you for granted any more.
My wife's mother hated me, yet when she became sick I let my wife bring me into my home. Why, because I knew when she started to bad mouth me my wife would tell her it was time to go home and she would take her home.
God Bless

You're already feeling overwhelmed and you haven't even had your baby yet.
I would just talk to your mom and grandma about it.
Don't be surprised if their feelings are hurt. You're worried about them getting along with other extended family members and your in laws who obvisously will get to be around, so that could sting a little that you feel differently about your own family.
They, I'm sure, just want to get to be part of this blessed event and mean no harm whatsoever.
Perhaps they could stay at a hotel or not come at all for the first week or two.
You just need to tell them how you feel and be as nice as possible about it.

I wish you the best.
Perhaps there is a compromise you can make.

It's way too many people. I had four grown family members stay with me the first time and only my mom was really helping with the baby. It caused a lot of stress for me prior to their arrival (preparing for houseguests) and a lot of guilt for the two weeks after the baby was born - I couldn't leave the house and felt terrible that they were "stuck" at home with me. I ended up sending them to do sightseeing on their own.

I swore I'd never do this again until I saw the cost of a doula or night nurse - having family help you is ideal, just not a boatload of them! This time around, I'm staging visits. Only my mom (and dad) can come when baby's born to help me. Other relatives (only those who are willing to help out stay with us) can come after they leave, or several weeks after baby's born - just not everyone at the same time.

Stand firm. Just be honest and say there is no room, or that your husband needs to sleep in one room (to be able to sleep to go to work the next day) and you only have one other room for you and the baby (expect a lot of crying 24/7). Anyone who wants to help with night feedings is welcome to stay (watch many hands go down..). They may say they'll set up beds anywhere else in the house though (I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with that bit).

At the hospital, the nurses advised in the baby care class that we say the first two weeks we needed to be alone with baby to bond with her. They suggested we not tell family about the birth until afterwards (many showed up at the hospital when we asked them not to, good thing that the hospital only allowed those you wanted in for visits). They also suggested keeping a ratty old bathrobe by the entrance and throwing it on anytime there was an unexpected visitor at the door - you may not even need to act bleary and sleep deprived to shoo away folks.

Whatever you do, try to not allow them to make this into a family reunion of sorts. Been there and it's a disaster!

As a mother who has children I know that when it is time for my children to start their own families I know that I would want to be there to support
them and to share in the joy of a beautiful new baby added to the family.

Try to put yourself in your mothers place and your grandmothers place.
The trip will not be easy for them and it will cost them.
It will cost them alot more if they need to pay for a hotel.
Your mother might want to help you in the middle of the night with the little one and to help show you some tips about motherhood. She might want to cook for you or help clean the place. She just wants to love on you, you are her daughter.

Try to think about how your mother and grandmother are feeling.
I bet that they are so excited for you and your husband.
When the baby comes don't worry about who will get along and who won't.
A baby makes everyone have love in their heart.

For me you should be thankful that you have a
wonderful family that wants to be with you and help and share in your joy.
Lots of women do not even have a mother to call or see.
I have a mother BUT i really dont have a mother -- Because she is lost in her own world of bypolar.

If you say something to them then they will feel bad and it could get yucky.

Enjoy your family and remember that we do not have each other forever. Life is short and we never know when it will be our time or our loved ones time to go.
If I could I would trade you my mom for yours and then you would have nothing to worry about. LOL.. = )

God Bless and take care.

While I understand what you mean with the 2 bedroom apartment and all, give them a break!!! It's your mother and your HER baby that's having your first baby. I was very thankful to have my mom there especially the first week because that's when the adjusting period is happening and my mom knew me and knew what to do and how to help. I was also thankful she only lived about 25 minutes away but if she had of lived further, I'd of wanted her there with me. The 4 am phone calls from me when the baby wouldn't stop crying and I didn't know what else to do, it was nice to have her there. You can talk to her about her differences with your husband and how you'd appreciate if they would put them aside for the time because you don't needed the added stress to go along with your plunging hormones. The 5 year old may or may not be a bother. Kind of hard to say without knowing her temperament. But there's nothing better than having YOUR mom around to help during that time.

Updated

While I understand what you mean with the 2 bedroom apartment and all, give them a break!!! It's your mother and your HER baby that's having your first baby. I was very thankful to have my mom there especially the first week because that's when the adjusting period is happening and my mom knew me and knew what to do and how to help. I was also thankful she only lived about 25 minutes away but if she had of lived further, I'd of wanted her there with me. The 4 am phone calls from me when the baby wouldn't stop crying and I didn't know what else to do, it was nice to have her there. You can talk to her about her differences with your husband and how you'd appreciate if they would put them aside for the time because you don't needed the added stress to go along with your plunging hormones. The 5 year old may or may not be a bother. Kind of hard to say without knowing her temperament. But there's nothing better than having YOUR mom around to help during that time.

Tell them that as much as you would like them to visit space is a problem for that many people at one time. You know they want to help you so if they could come one at a time that will be great. Leaving the 5 year old at home. Also explain to them your living arrangements now and until you get your own place you do not want to make plans for your in-laws home. That would not be approporiate since you are already staying with them. Tell them you will send many pictures until you get settled and on your own. Maybe when the baby gets a little older you will visit them. These are just some options. But by no means would I let them come to stay in my in-laws house.