Dealing with a Stay at Home Dad

Lots of men stay home these days. He can go on line and find a father's club of stay at homes like himself.
It's a wonderful thing he's doing taking care of his own son.

My hubby has been on laid off for 2 years now, stay at home Dad of two; an almost 4 year old and a 4 month old. He goes through waves of feeling like this. Simply put, men WANT to work and it's not easy staying at home with babies. Women are so naturally able to soothe and comfort them that it may seem rediculous to us that they have such a lack of desire for it. I was able to take 6 weeks off of work to recover with our last and would have LOVED to stay home longer so I understand how you feel about wishing you could stay home instead. Try to think on the positive - he is now going to have such a good strong bond with your child - It is a beautiful thing! Today with the economy the way it is, many of us don't have a lot of room to be able to do whatever we wish - so instead we do what we can. Count your blessings. And stear your feelings of jealousy to greatfulness when you can. If my husband was working, our children would BOTH be in daycare (seperate rooms/schools), I am greatful for the time they have all been able to spend together. These are bonds for life! Help support him, and let him know how you appreciate what he does for your family, because these first few years/months of life are some of the most important for your child and even though he is not making $$, he does have the most important job of all. I go home and I take over with the kids so he can have a little "man" time. All men need "man" time you know! Let a little time pass things will get better!

Just keep coming home at night, and taking full advantage of any mommy time you get. My husband and I went through this same thing last year, after I had been the stay at home mom for five years. After seven months circumstances required me to quit my job and he got a job doing something he hates but pays the bills (and at that point he'd rather have a jo bhe hates than no job at all)... BUT we both learned a lot about what we cherish about our roles (mom at home, dad at work) and how hard the other person's job is. As soon as I walked in the door each evening I immediately took both kids outside or to the playroom and gave them two solid hours of mommy while my husband job serached and threw together a quick dinner. I did this so that they wouldn't miss me so much, I wouldn't miss them so much, and because I knew how hard it was to cook dinner with two kids hanging on my legs and didn't want my husband to have to do that. I also did our whole evening routine by myself (bath, books, bed) so my husband would have time to job search some more, and just have time to chill. I didn't really ever get "me" time, but that's what I used my commute for - listening to whatever I want on the radio really did feel like me time after 5 years of kid songs! I also rationalized that I would rather be spending any time not at work with my kids than by myself, and I remembered as a stay home mom how much I wished my husband would have given me "time off." Now that he is back to work, he is really better about taking the kids off my hands for a few hours on Saturdays, and when I say I need a break he'll jump right in and play chase so I can go read in the bedroom. So I guess you can use this time to learn about what you would like from your husband when your roles reverse (assuming that is your plan), and do those things for HIM right now. It's hard to feel like you're missing out on time with your kids when that's what you really want, but focusing on your husband will not only strengthen your marriage, but give you less time to focus on yourself - sometimes this is a really good thing!

there are so many articles out there stating how kids benefit the more involved the father is. You both need to look at this at the best possible thing for your son, he is getting so much mommy time when you're not working and so much Daddy time. what a lucky guy. just google " involved fathers are happier and healthier"

Maybe introduce him to other stay at home dads so he doesn't feel he is alone. Don't add to his insecurity in that area by criticizing anything he might not do "right" at home (i.e in the care of the baby and the household stuff) Encourage him when he wants to go socialize with his male friends. You can't change the fact that you are the breadwinner right now, but try not to throw it in his face when it comes to finance, etc. Let him have his own "allowance"

Any chance you can give him a total day off once a week? He sleeps until he wakes up (warning, sleep dep'd parents will pften sleep 15 hours when given the shot)... and then send him out so he's out of the house (meeting up with friends, personal time, hobby, whatever). You wake up with the baby and do all the baby care, house work, cooking, etc. once a week. That way you both get a 1 day weekend. He can pursue a life outside of diapers and sleep dep, and you get a SAHP day.

:( sorry about your situation, but be Patient, most guys are proud to be the one earning money, and want to be the one taking care of their family financially, and not stay at home. If my husband stayed home he would of had issues as well he's just the kind of guy that needs to work! Just remain as a team and remind your husband to not give up on looking for work (if he's looking) and tell him that what hes doing as a stay at home dad is really great, and he's doing a great job, and that youre proud of him!! And maybe just a suggestion, since your hubby takes care of your son all day long, when you get home, spend as much time as you can with your son, forget all chores until he goes to bed, also put your son to bed by your self, give him a bath and massage and just connect with him everyday :) your son needs both of you equally, so if he gets his dad during the day and you in the evening and bedtime, then he's one lucky little guy :)

This is a very common feeling. When my husband was laid off we discussed him staying home with the kids. He said no. That wasn't who he was.

Men feel like they need to be the bread-winner of the family. Especially if he had had a steady work record previously. While he probably enjoys spending time with your son, he may be getting some hurtful/joking comments from friends. It may be hurtful to him that he is relying on your income.

Offer to give him a night off where he can go hang out with friends, take a class that he's interested in. Even a part time job once you are home. Something even as simple as pizza delivery or working the evenings in a warehouse restocking. No its not glamourous but he'd be making money, supporting his family.

M.