Dead-beat Dad Posting Pics of Kids on Facebook

Updated on July 02, 2014
E.K. asks from Woodburn, OR
25 answers

Do you think it is weird that my ex who barely bothers to see his kids posts pictures that I send him on his facebook account? My ex-husband only shows up once every 3 or 4 months. He then comes by for a few days acting like he is so sad because he isn't around his daughters (though he has visitation rights which he never bothers to use and I have always been extremely flexible allowing him to see the kids pretty much whenever he wants) or because he is going out of town then he usually disappears for 3 or 4 months, no phone, no in person. He doesn't bother to pay child support and the state catches him occasionally and starts to garnish his wages but then he switches jobs...(why he is always moving). Anyway I send him and his mother updates or pics on the kids about every other week, just so they don't lose connection with kids completely.. I just saw on his facebook account that he is posting the pics of the girls there. It makes him look like he loves his kids SOOO much and I think in his mind he does, but he doesn't bother to visit for 4 months even when he was working 10 minutes from my house, and doesn't bother to pay anything to support them...zero, last christmas he didn't even bother to send them presents and didn't answer the phone for them either...it's not like he couldn't afford it as he was earning over 6 figures!. I guess I am irritated because all those pictures on facebook make him seem like a good dad capturing special moments of his kids but he wasn't even there! Also I am still sort of against posting pics of my kids on facebook so am not thrilled that he is doing so. I think it is a little creepy and false of him to post these pics but not sure if I am being oversensitive. I am sort of hesitant to send more pictures his way now.

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Just don't send him pics.

Bear in mind, that IF photos are taken with an iPhone for example, the photo, per Google Maps, will show the 'location' the photo was taken.... thus, with children, it can even hypothetically, show where the kids live/hang out/were. Or where YOU live etc.
So, when putting these photos on Facebook etc., for example, a person can 'see' the location the photo was taken.... but I think you can, per Facebook settings.... block it....

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

L.S.

answers from Dallas on

Comment on his photo album and say glad you enjoy the pics I send but your kids are missing you... it's been 4 months! At least then when people see them they will know the truth!!

7 moms found this helpful

H.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

Stop sending pictures. If he wants to see what his children look like, he can come and see them.

7 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.W.

answers from Shreveport on

You can request he remove the pictures. Of if you don't want to request directly you can notify facebook and let them know he is posting pics that he doesn't own the copyright to. They will tell him to remove them or they will do it themselves. You see since you took the pictures you own the copyright to them and can decide if they can be posted on sites like facebook. If you don't want them on there then take the steps to get them removed.
I have done it myself when I found out a person who wasn't even suppose to have pictures of my children had them and was posting them on myspace and facebook. Both sites were pretty helpful in getting them removed. So you can do the same if you really don't want them on there. I would also stop sending pics. You can send them written updates if you so wish but stop sending pics and he wont have any to post.

5 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Portland on

As irritating as it is to have him do this, you cannot change him. I suggest that the main issue is that he doesn't pay attention to his kids and it's easy for you to transfer your anger at him for that to his posting pictures. In reality, what does it matter what other people think? What matters is what he does or doesn't do for his kids. You and your family/friends know the truth.

I suggest that you tell him you don't want your kids pictures posted on Facebook. Emphasize Internet safety. Don't bring up his lack as a parent. Deal with the one issue if that issue is important to you. Tell him that if he keeps their pictures on his site that you'll stop sending pictures.
Be very clear about this one issue only.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.M.

answers from Topeka on

You have no control over what he posts on his facebook...the only thing you CAN control is what you make available to him...so stop sending him pictures. OR...tell him that there are pictures on YOUR facebook account ( with appropriate privacy settings to keep others from viewing them) that he and his Mother can look at if they so choose. If he questions the change...explain to him that you are uncomfortable with your childrens pictures being posted on his fb account for all the world to see!!!
Don't lose sleep over this one..it has a simple fix to it and YOU are actually in control of this one.
Congratulations to you for not putting your children in the middle of this mess...they will grow up and realize that you were always there for them and that HE was not ...he will pay for this eventually.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Stop sending the pics is the easiest and simplest fix. And I'd recommend it.

Same token : "You've only talked to/seen the girls twice in 8mo... they miss you." gets the idea "out there" as well. He'll probably delete it however, and block you. So I'm 50/50 on this one.

I have to say, as well, my husband has the *whole world* believing he was "super dad" for several years. From age 3-7 he was only home while kiddo was awake maybe for an hour or two a week. And there were months he didn't see him at all (traveling), and didn't phone. The one thing that really taught me: I have neither control over how he is going to present himself to the world, ***nor do I care enough to change strangers minds***... they're just not important to me, and I don't feel like wasting my time educating strangers as to how it really was. Those who were REALLY THERE knew what was going on, everyone else was just hearsay.

4 moms found this helpful

P.M.

answers from Tampa on

Stop sending them pictures. They want to get pictures, they should come spend time with them and take their own pictures! I would be extremely upset also if I were in your shoes.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

who knows why people do they thinks they do. just work on being strong and positive for those lovely kids of yours.

i would stop sending him photos of the kids but i would not say anything to him. its not worth the fight. he wont get it.
i dont like to put photos of my kids on the computer. its just putting too much information out there. now if he takes photos of the kids and puts them on facebook...not sure what to do. but that probably wont be a problem since he doesnt visit often.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Seattle on

I don't really understand, I guess, why you are sending him the pictures...I mean - why do you care if he sees pics of the them so often? Personally, I think that you are rewarding him by sending him the pics so frequently...it doesn't really do anything for your girls, does it? You said that you send them so that they don't lose connection with the kids, but pics of the kids to them doesn't really maintain a connection for the girls - which I assume is your main priority? Not sure about the situation with grandmother - you shouldn't necessarily keep the pics from her, as her son's behavior is not really her fault...does she try to stay in touch more than he does?

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Truth is it's his account to do with as he pleases, sad I know. If you don't want him posting pics then stop sending them.

I post pics of my kids and every other family member I have, it's my family album area. I have my privacy settings to only allow friends to view them. I don't have any issues with posting pictures there. I have my privacy settings set to not allow anyone to see who my friends are or my pictures without being my friend.

Some day he might grow up and be a better dad and I hope he does it sooner than later.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I would stop sending him the pictures, and I would talk to a lawyer about you getting full custody. It is not fair to the children to have him popping in and out of their lives when it suits him, and if he can not man up and pay his child support than you do not need to be concerned about him feeling like a dad.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

There is no reason to try to validate your feelings, they are real. As well, I am sure in his mind he is a good Dad and he is sharing his kids with his friends and family. It just makes him look good, but trust me people know how often he sees his children and the older they get the more obvious that will get.

As you must already know, child support and visitation are two different issues. There is not much you can do and there is not much I can suggest to you, other than move on with your life. His lack of interest will catch up with him some day, although children do often have unconditional love.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.M.

answers from New York on

Don't send him l pictures. He obviously doesn't care much about his girls.

As for grandma, yes, you should send her pictures, but I would recommend sending her prints rather than in digital format.

Keep in mind visitation and child support are two separate issues as far as the law is concerned. However, if he's not paying child support than I would not allow him to see the children unless its a time speciifed in the visitation agreement.

2 moms found this helpful

L.G.

answers from Eugene on

The guy is a drone. Once thrown out of the hive those bees cannot even feed themselves and they die. Quit feeding him photos. What benefit are your girls getting out of it. Will he ever become an adult, responsible member of society and a good father. NO.
And, what kind of man are you showing your kids to go pick for themselves.
What does his mother do for the grandchildren? Does she take them to the movies or have them over for dinner. Does she phone them on their birthdays. If not she raised her son the same way he takes care of his children.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Portland on

Don't send him pictures. If he wants some he can come get them while spending time with his kids. What a sad situation for your children. They are lucky to have a good mom. I wouldn't send him any pictures or contact...maybe he'll get the point and come around

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.J.

answers from Portland on

Hi...I have lived your situation. Stop sending them pictures. You can not make their relationship with they kids. They need to do that. Help where you can, but don't do it for them. Also be sure to keep a journal of EVERY phone call and ALL contact he has with you and with the kids. It will come in very handy someday when he claims to be such a great dad to either the courts, or your kids. Best thing I ever did.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.L.

answers from Portland on

I wouldn't send any more pictures. If he wants pictures, he should spend time with them and take some of his own. I feel for you. This would drive me crazy. I also wouldn't be as flexible on the schedule thing. I would write him and block out his court appointed days and ask him which ones he'll be using this month, so you can plan your schedule. Put some of the work on him. I also can't imagine that he's not helping you financially since he's making enough money. No advice there, since I'm sure it's not cheap to go back to court and demand it. I'm sorry you are going through this.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.R.

answers from Yakima on

I also would stop sending pics. I'm totally opposed to posting pics online. My brother-in-law recently broke up with his gf of 25 years and suddenly wanted to be in our lives, and wanted pics of our newborn with him, multiple pics with the older kids when he's seen them maybe once a year!! I told my hubby that I thought he was probably posting them on his FB page, or dating website to appeal to the ladies. Sure enough, he met someone and he's once again dropped out of our lives! His departure wasn't as meaningful as if it was their father, but they were hurt that their uncle dropped them like a hot potato! I would also contact an attorney about getting full custody and back support!
Good luck and great job on your part for trying to keep him in your children's lives.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.W.

answers from Portland on

Let him take his own pictures, I suppose... don't offer to share any more with him. Ask his mom to please not post them, too.

It's funny-- I'm wondering when we are going to start seeing court cases in this regard.

Do you have an order of child support in regard to your ex? If not, get one today. Your children deserve it, and they can go after him for back support/nonpayment. I know that the state charges for this (it's taken out of the funds collected) but his pay seriously needs to be garnished if he's not paying up. What a rat.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from Portland on

Grandma and dad both probably have at least cell phones that they can come over and take pictures themselves. Let them.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.G.

answers from Portland on

Don't send any more pictures at all. & ask him to take down the ones he has posted because people can stalk you children that way. Did he even ask you permission, you could go to court if you want to & prevent him from posting your kids images on the internet. Contact Facebook about it they should help you.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I know this is a very old post, but I have to speak up.
As kind-hearted and lenient as you're being, you're helping him create a false and fake relationship with his children- which will hurt them in the end. It's important to let the other parent's actions speak for themselves. I learned the hard way that covering for the other parent or helping them (even unintentionally) create false impressions is really bad for the children. They won't see his true nature coming if you shield them from it. It will be devastating and confusing.
I'm give you major kudos for putting up with this and being the 'better' person- but some tough love could benefit everyone here.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from Seattle on

Oh my gosh, I could have wrote this almost word for word in my situation, except that we were never married, and my exboyfriend could only dream of making six figures. Tell him that for privacy reasons you would appreciate it if he doesn't post pics online. Keep your head up and know that even if he doesn't send you another dime, you will always do what's right for your girls, even if he can't seem to. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.H.

answers from Louisville on

Get your atty or county atty involved and have it set up to grab his federal and state refunds! Surprised if that isn't done already as was thinking the agencies kept track of child support owed - but a way to get some of what is owed if he doesn't do it on his own!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions