Daycare Drama

Things should get better when the bed time routine improves. Get him to lay down and rest even if he doesn't fall asleep right away. My daughter is the same way and this made a big improvement.

Sweetie, read your own post, the things you are doing and the way you are doing them, is why you have the issues you have. J.

When my daughter was that age she didn't want to go to sleep either. She also didn't want to get up the next day and be on time to daycare. However, she did. It was not negiotiable. Sometimes you gotta be tough to show love. It is not always easy to teach kids to be responsible, but it is so much better to start now than to deal with an irresponsible pre-teen or teen later.

If my daughter wouldn't sleep with Mommy in the room, I left. If she played with toys, they were removed from her room for 2 days. Did she fight it? Yes! Did she cry and howl? You bet. Nothing she did changed my mind. I persisted through the stage and made her stay in the bed.

I would get his crib mattress back out and lay it on the floor and inform him the next time he refuses to lay still in the bed, he has to sleep on it. Tell him he is keeping you awake and you are going to sleep now.

The other problem of getting up in the morning is also solvable. My daughter was not allowed to sleep a minute past time to get up. No amount of whinning would change my mind on that either. If she didn't get up and get ready there were consequences. For example, my daughter really likes cheerios, if she got up and ready on time she got Cheerios, if not something else. Your daycare will work with you on this if you ask. Pretty soon she was dressed and ready knowing she would lose out if she didn't get dressed.

On occasion, if it is expedient you can buy some really comfortable clothes and let him sleep in them. As they get older they eventually grow out of this too.

I actually took her to daycare in her PJs a couple of times. I worked out consequences for this too: she was not allowed to play outside in PJs.

I still co-sleep and nurse with my 2.5 year old, it in NO way hinders them! AND is probably the reason he IS so healthy!

Does he still take a nap? If so, on your day off, do NOT let him take a nap and then go to bed earlier, after he falls asleep you should be able to get back up if you need to (although I ususally take my laptop or a book to bed with me and that hour or two between when he goes to sleep and when I do is my ONLY relaxation time!)

honestly, I am saying this for your own good, but it's time to wean him off nursing. By you nursing your child to sleep, and allowing him to remain awake with you in bed with him, its just like telling him it's time to party. Sounds like he is ready to transition to a big boy bed and away from mama. he does it in daycare, he should be able to at home.

Supernanny has a wonderful method... check her out.

I was a single parent also for about 6 years and living with extended family can be trying but you have to be a mom first and set the ground rules. Co-sleeping is not the answer, giving into the whims and wants of your son is not good for either of you and will only be harder the older he gets. I would suggest that you stop nursing him, yes it will be difficult for a few days but it will make transitioning him to sleeping on his own much easier. As much as you want to make your child happy sometimes making them unhappy for a short period makes life so much better for all. Good Luck!

Hello, are you my twin? And are your son and my son twins also? You've written the story of my life for the past 3 years! My son is due to turn three ibnn 2 weeks...I must say, about a month ago, the clouds in the sky just parted and it just got all better. I have no idea what really happen, so I don't profess to take credit for anything...my only theory is that my little kid's vocabulary improved, so it became easier for me to communicate with him regrading everything. When I encourage bedtime, I say to him, what time is it? It's...BEDTIME! OK, Let's Go! And I do a happy dance to make like bedtime is fun. I have been doing this forever, and suddenly he jsut got it and started following me to bed. When it comes to daycare, on a whim one day I said to him, "If you go to daycare, at the end of the day I'll come back to pick you up! Don't I always come back for you, love?" and he agreed yes. Now, he always asks me, "will you come back for me?" and I say yes, of course I will, I always do, and since I promise I'll come back, will you promise you'll have a great time with your friends and tell me all about it later? And he says yes! For the first time about 2 weeks ago, my kid actually looked at me in day care and said, "Bye, mom!" and I almost cried. I mean, this kid cried for me every day, for months, I mean months. So, all I can say is stick to it, try a little harder to at least establish a bedtime routine (forget about timing for now, as long as he can expect a pattern or routine, and then you can try to get him into bed a little earlier, and then your final transition will be to a bed of his own, in your room or in his own room) -- and finally, wait it out. It WILL get better!

I am completely pro nursing but i think it is time for you to stop. 2.5 seems old enough for the child to still be benifitting from it. Instead I think it could be hindering him. He needs to realize that you are separate people! You shouldn't have to go to bed when he does and it IS normal to just close the door and say, " now it's time for you to sleep".
Have you ever seen the baby whisperer or SOS tata? It will definately be hard for him to relearn how he'll need to fall asleep but he will. You need to stick to your guns, don't cave and say you'll give it a try for one month. He should be going to bed no later than 8:30. Explain to him the new routine and do it. If he cries let him. If he comes out of his room, take his hand and lead him back. He may do this for hours the first few nights but then he'll realize that it's a waste of time.

I went through this too though I started much earlier at putting down my foot. I let them know who was in charge. I have 2 Kids 3.5 and 5 and they are good sleepers but when nursing them got in the way of their sleeping tendancies I stopped.

If you really want the change you'll be able to do it. In the long run the child is much healthier if he learns to fall asleep by himself without your presence and you will both be less grumpy!

Good luck
J.

It's so time for weaning and then transitioning to the big boy bed. It will be tough at first but better for both of you in the long run. I could always tell when my son was not getting enough sleep because his behavior went down hill, and he was cranky and irrational in the mornings so we would be running late. Sounds like your little guy needs more sleep and better quality sleep-like not waking up to nurse or being distracted by having you in bed with him.

Hi N.A.,

You are in a tough spot. I had to do what you are doing for a little while when I separated from my first husband and had to move back home with a 2 yr. old and one on the way. I couldn't tell my parents what they could do in their house, and sometimes it was hard to assert my authority with my son while living under someone else's roof.

I think there is room for compromise here, though. Your family isn't blind and they see what a struggle the mornings are for you and your son. I am sure they also realize an earlier bedtime and more sleep would help him have better mornings. I think you should sit down and ask them what they think you should do and what they would be willing to do to help transition him to bed time. Short of medicine, you can't make him sleep, but you can make him lay down and you and your family can make the environment as conducive to sleep as possible.

You can lay him down and tell him it's bedtime because he doesn't dictate your bedtime, you dictate his. If you don't feel comfortable leaving the room then sit in the room with him. Don't engage in conversation or get pulled into conversation. Don't make eye contact. The only thing you need to say is that it is time for bed. When he gets up just put him back down calmly and quietly without a lot of talk and interaction. It's just a matter of building habits and changing habbits. You can do it and it's better to do it now then wait until you are doing it all on your own.

Hope this helps,

L.

Try a story on cd in your room at the time you want him to go to sleep. Also roll up a towel to stick at the bottom of the door to help block out what is going on around the house. I have co-slept too with all my kids and now my oldest is almost 15 and youngest is 3 and this summer has been difficult because the older kids are still up and being being kids and I want her to sleep but everyone else is up. Keep trying. Good Luck.
J.

Have you tried using a noise machine so that he will hear lullabys or nature instead of the tv?

I agree that its probably time to transition from nursing to a sippy cup for night time routine.

I am a single mom of 3 living with my parents and my kids bedtimes are all over the place too! My girls have their own room but my 9 week old sleeps in my room. I try to have them on a routine, they did when my ex husband and I were still together and I had my own home, but it really is harder when there are so many people in the house. They cry if I shut the door but then they can hear the TV and the lights and people coming out of the bathroom. I would wean him and buy him a toddler bed. Every night give him his bath, brush his teeth, read him a story and put him to bed, at the same time, and it should get better. Before I had my baby we had a good routine down but since then its been alot harder, I am in the process of reintroducing it for school to start. Good luck and poo on people that think your putting yourself first!

My boy has never been a good morning person.My girl will jump up and run. We have to make sure that he gets at no less than 8 hours sleep and he must be gotten up a hour before leave time so he can get awake and ready. What is going on in the house does play a part. The co-sleeping at this stage can be keeping him up too. When you work on changing things you have to stick to what you say and don't give in. If he can get you to give in and change your mind about bed times and stuff he will keep it up. I wish you all the best.

When you gave the toddler bed back to your friend you said "son you won that battle, you are in charge more than Mommy." I dont believe a busy house hold is the problem. You should solve the problem before you move out so you aren't changing too many things at once. We have a noisy house hold, my older children are 22 and 19 and come home late at night or if they are home go up and down the steps and are not silent from 8 till midnight. My little one goes to sleep in his own toddler bed in his own room with the door open, I think he likes to listen to the household. Develop a bed time routine and stick to it. I'm curious, why do you feel you can not put him to bed and walk out of the room assuring him you will return after you clean the kitchen and get things ready for the morning, etc This is how 90% of his classmates go to bed. Are there other issues that keep you from putting him to bed? does he have health problems, emotional porblems are you guilty about something? (doesn't sound like you need to be) You have to straighten this out before he will be ready for real school. I wish you luck and I do not mean to be judgmental, I am just curious as to what is really going on, keep us updated hope things get better!

When my oldest was 2.5 we were in a 1 bd rm apartment and shared the room. I never co slept with her. She had her own toddler bed and I had my own bed. At 8 - 8:30pm I would put her to bed and shut the door (you actually CAN do this). Once she was asleep I would open the door. If there's a lot of activity going on in the house you should shut the door anyways even if you stay in there with him rubbing his back or hair to get him to fall asleep. Stay with a routine of bath, story and bed EVERY NIGHT. Shut out the rest of the house and make your room the quite place. Children crave routines and schedules. It sounds like your son desperately needs one. If you get him on a better night schedule he'll have an easier time in the morning. And as you said, you are the mom. Don’t let your son set the schedule.

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I don't think this problem will be solved until you wean him. If he is nursing to sleep then he isn't going to be able to fall asleep on his own. Wean him, then start with the sleep "training".

He would be much happier in the morning with a full nights sleep, so you really need to make him go to bed at a set time, preferably by 8pm. It is ok to put him in there and close the door and tell him to stay in bed, or at the very least stay in the room (don't feel guilty, its for his own good!) It will take some time before he obeys but if you're consistent it will pay off. Maybe you could try setting up a bunch of blankets on the floor for his own little bed and see if he goes for that (my daughter slept on her floor 3 nights in a row because she thought it was fun). Or, get him a little tent in the room.

If he comes out of the room after the set bedtime, you need to pick him up and bring him back as often as needed. Be quiet, tell him its bedtime, and don't back down. Don't even talk to him if he keeps coming out, just silently pick him up and put him back to bed. Make sure everyone else in the house knows the rules too, and doesn't play or engage with him after bedtime. You can even tell him that he can stay awake and play, as long as he stays in the room. He may play quietly for a bit then fall asleep.

Good luck, it won't be easy! Just remember, you are the boss and he has to listen to your rules. He doesn't need to understand them or accept them, he needs to obey them. Its tough love.

I wish I could tell you some magic solution to this. I've run my in-home daycare for 24 years. Many of my kids give their parents terrible grief at home. Some of them cry like you say at drop off. But some of them are all smiles by the time they get here. I have one little girl that is so happy in the morning at my house. But recently she's started coming in out of sorts. It appears by what mom has said that she's pretty much always a grump in the morning.

I have another child that went months and months with wanting to sleep half the morning at my house and we struggled to change this, tweak that, give him consequences, etc. His mom took him to a behaviorist and they said that he is a very normal little boy and that she's just not being the alpha female in her house. It hasn't changed that much. But the grandmother has started keeping him from time to time so that mom can get some sleep.

I believe what is so often happening is a war between your needs vs his needs. So many of my mothers have expressed the desire to have some time alone after the child goes to bed. The later the child passes out, the less time mom has. Most moms can not justify just jumping into bed night after night so that the child can sleep and the mom never feels she has time to herself. And yet, most of us are exhausted and we don't do much but stare bleary eyed at the computer screen when we are awake after they go to sleep!

Your child on the other hand wants to be with you. He doesn't want to miss one single moment that you are awake because he misses you during the day. Even though he does enjoy his daycare and tells you so, he'd rather be with you. I am NOT saying that to hurt you or demean you for working. I love my moms and would never judge them for working.

Just to be real clear, it isn't that much easier when the mom works at home. I started my home daycare because I didn't care much for the daycares we tried when my oldest was young. Then I decided to homeschool and be very active in my children's lives. So daycare worked well for me. But each of my kids have still struggled at night wanting to spend more time with me and wanting that time to be more about me and them. They don't like it when I am fixated on something for me whether it be doing the laundry, dishes, checking my email, or reading a book. They want me to sit with them and be with them because they share me with other peoples children all day.

It does get better as they get older. But you will never lose the push pull way we deal with trying to balance our lives. Children and adults are naturally selfish with children needing to learn not to be. I recently decided to buy another comuter chair because one of the ones we have is so bad. My 10 year old is mad because I gave her my computer chair and kept the new one. She doesn't understand why I won't let her have the 180 dollar computer chair in her room! Then I decided to buy myself a new laptop and let the daycare inherit mine full-time. They already use it. So she wants to know why SHE can't have the new one! :)

Your little one wants your time and you need to balance how much you give it to him and how much you put your foot down.

just go to bed earlier. you might have to start doing it gradually, say, a half hour at a time. ask others in the house to be quiet; get a fan, or white noise machine, (OR CD!!) and play it in the room so that other sounds are diminished or blocked out. start a routine for bedtime; brush teeth, bath, reading or whatever so that theres a pattern and he knows what to expect. but most of all, just do it. even if that means you are going to bed earlier too!!

by the way, congrats for being a long time nurser and co-sleeper!! :) :) :) if you havent already, contact a local or nearby la leche league group; they will have great information for you!

Your son needs more sleep at night. Since you are co-sleeping, you need to go to bed earlier too. What's more important, staying up or your child getting the sleep he needs?

Only you can decide.

There are 3 things you can't make your child do: eat, sleep and go to the bathroom. Hooray for you for extended nursing! Your son does benefit everyday you do it! It is not uncommon for 2 yr olds in other cultures to nurse. Co-sleeping and nighttime parenting are also beneficial. In my book you're doing everything right. Maybe your son is just a night owl. Maybe that is his natural tendency.