Really Need Advice on How to Change a Bad Sleep Habit

Wow, I can think of better things I can do for an hour and a half at bedtime. Its time to wean him mama!

Keep the door open but put up a babygate so he can still see out. Set a timer and tell him when the timer goes off, you are outta there, no ifs, ands or buts. If he protests, tell him the next day DURING THE DAY (not right before bed) that its time he learns to sleep on his own. Tellhim once you leave, he has a choice of what can happen next with you standing at the door...and then give him some choices like hug him (once) over the babygate, blow him kisses from the door, wave, etc.

Every few nights or once a week, shave a minute or two off the timer and soon he'll be used to having you in there for only 5-10 mins.

We read books. He always asks for one more book. I let him know that Mommy is done reading books, but he can take the book to bed with him. He usually likes to take a car or train or something else too. After cuddles, he gets in bed and I cover him up. I make sure he has his lovey, book, toy and water. Then I tell him that if he's not sleepy he can read his book or play with his toy, but he can't get out of bed. I put up the baby gate and leave. He is usually asleep within 15 minutes.
At first I would close the door, but he was always getting up to open the door. I finally asked him if he wanted me to leave it open. He said yes and he doesn't get up any more.
Good luck to you. I think you're going to have to let him cry it out for a few nights until he gets used to you leaving the room.

A three year old should not take an hour and a half to fall asleep. I don't approve of sitting with kids til they fall asleep, making them dependent on you in that way. In your case, it is simply not working - having you there is keeping him awake for an hour an a half. You need to tell him what the rules are - after story and tuck in, you'll sit with him for 15 minutes and if he cries when you leave, you won't stay at all the next night. I'm not a cry it out fan from when my kids were little, but in this case, it may have to happen. But he is old enough to know that he has a choice to cry or not.

My first son did this due to my patting him and sitting by the bed when he cried and then trying to crawl out of the room at which point he heard me and it all started over. This was NOT good but I did it until our second son was born and the boys were 12 months apart so it was not good with a baby in the room and this long bedtime. My husband didn't think it was good as he didn't see me half the night. So I asked our pediatrician about it and he said put him in bed, tell him I'd be back in the morning and shut the door and let him cry it out. He said if I couldn't do it for my husband to send me for a ride around the block, or a walk, and to let him cry. It was so hard for me but just like the doctor said, he stopped in about 3 or 4 nights and each night was less and less crying. I know he was younger than your son but it is the same idea. Tell him you are going to leave now, that he is fine and you will be there in your bed at night and then leave. If you have to lock the door and then be consistent. He will learn to go to sleep. I don't know what time he goes to bed but if it takes an hour and half maybe he isn't tired enough too. Maybe he is and just making sure you are there too. After we got our first one to sleep without me there for so many hours, the others just learned this is what you do and no more issues with it. I had created the problem really.

We lock our son in.
We've only left him to cry a couple of times, when it was clearly a willful thing. When we just started off doing it, we'll let him bang on the door, open it and walk him back to bed without saying anything.

After a few times of that, he's come to understand that a locked door means sleep time.

A couple of things come to mind that might help him go to sleep faster: Does he take a nap and when/how long is it? I have found that a nap is necessary if we don't want to have a hellish evening, but if they sleep too long or go down too late, bedtime takes forever. So, we have a cut off time at which point naps are no longer an option. Do you have any activities early in the evening that can wear him out? Things that will allow him to grow weary like playing outside, going to the park, playing ball with mom or dad...anything really that will make him ready for bed.

Things have changed, so it's normal for him to test the limits and boundaries: does a new bed mean a new routines or rules. If it's a lack of security that the walls of the bed bring maybe one of those bed rails that you slip between the matress and boxsprings will mimic it. If you want to do the CIO thing, start on the outside of the room with the door open. Stay for a set time and then shorten it by a few minutes each night. Never in the room.

Hope this helps.

L.

During the day, talk about him sleeping in his own bed after story time at night. Talk about his sleep time routine. Exactly how it will be each night,

Let him know he will need to go to sleep to be a "big and tall boy". That when he sleeps his body grows. If he stays awake, he will not let his body grow stronger and taller.

He can have a lovey and a flashlight or talk about a night light.. or also consider playing a quiet music CD..

Let him know you and dad need to go to sleep in your beds when he is asleep, so he needs to close his eyes and stay in bed.

Also make sure your son does not see a lot of activities going on outside of his door. Bright lights, cell phones, TV flickering lights and sounds need to take place away from his room. Make it as dark and quiet as possible.

When you read books to your son at night, this is not a time to ask questions about the book, or make it too animated. It needs to be in a quiet voice, in as dark of a room as possible.. We used to speak slower and slower towards the last few pages.. Lulls them to sleep.

You can also try saying, "I will come back in a little while to see how you are doing," and eave him with a book or (non-electronic) toy of his choice in his bed. One of us would always come back-eventually. Lo and behold, after a few nights our daughter would be soundly sleeping upon our return.

Well, we have the same problem with our 5 year old except he usually falls asleep in 20 minutes or so. At 3 he stopped napping and we had to made bedtime earlier. The alternative was a huge struggle at bedtime. So maybe make his nap earlier and/or shorter. I think we at first changed it to a nap of less than an hour and it had to be before 3 pm (awake by 4).

My son loves to be around people so I think that is part of the problem. I am getting ready to move my 2.5 year old into a bed in the same room and then make some changes. Hopefully he won't be lonely that way but we will see how it goes.

First of all, I'll be honest and tell you I'm working on the same thing with my 3 year old son. The same thing happened, he would fall asleep on his own when he was in the crib but once we moved him to a big bed the trouble started. My first question is, does your son still take a nap during the day? The reason I ask is because an hour and a half to fall asleep is a long time. My son usually takes 15-20 min. That counts a story, prayers and falling asleep. We have recently cut out nap time which I was very reluctant to do. I loved his nap time, quite time for me! It has drastically changed bed time though. It used to take him 45-60 min for his bedtime routine so we've cut it in half which has really helped my sanity. What I do at bedtime, while he's laying in bed, is I read. I have a book or magazine I sit and read, by the light of his slightly cracked open closet, while he's falling asleep. Lately I get to read about 5-6 pages of my book before he's out like a light. In fact, the past few nights I've been so into my book that I read much longer than I need to. I have no problem doing this to get my son to go to sleep. He's my third child, by the way. My first child co-slept with my hubby and I for a while (until I was very pregnant with baby #2) then we did something similar like we do with my youngest until he was about 5. My second child put herself to sleep once she was in a big bed but has always needed multiple night lights in her room. My third child is a lot like my first when it comes to sleeping. Every child needs something different, you just have to find what works for you and your little one. My oldest is now 13 and doesn't even think about co-sleeping or having me in his room at night. LOL!
I suggest on trying to shorten the bedtime routine and getting him to fall asleep faster, if possible. That's the first step, anyway. After you have that down you can start helping him fall asleep by himself, without you in the room. I'm getting ready to start doing that with my little guy. The plan is to, little by little, move each night closer to the door until I no longer sit in his room at all at night. Good luck!