Co-sleeping, nursing...am I Doing the Right Thing

D.,
I also co sleep with my son and I think you are absolutely doing the right thing! If it feels good for the both of you than it is right!

My daughter coslept until she was about seven months old. At that time I felt that she was waking up more from my movements, and made the decision to transition her to her crib. Around two years old we got her a twin sized bed so we can parent her to sleep, and then let her sleep there. She has been mostly sleeping through the night since about 15 months of age, but she does have bad nights sometimes. I really like the book "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley for tips on how to help your child sleep. She has a special toddler version as well.

They do eventually nurse less and less on their own. My daughter will be three in October, and she nurses 2-3 times a day. Morning, Evening and Bedtime. Sometimes something else is going on (i.e. illness, teething) and she might pick up her nursing temporarily, but then it goes back down again once the problem is resolved.
Good luck, I am sure you will make the best decision for your family.

D.,
YES, it is time to put him in his crib. If you don't do it now, he will be sleeping with you forever. You will have a big problem on your hands if you don't. And it is time for you to stop breast feeding him. He will be like a monkey on your back until he is 3.
I wish you the best.

Hummm...I nursed my daughter till she was 17 mons old. Not sure how long I'll nurse my son, he's 5 mons old. It's something that I think you just know when to wean.
Anyway, at 14 mons he should be sleeping through the night. When he has to stay the night at your Mom's is does interrupt his schedule. I say this through experience. My son sleeps through the night in his crib but after I spend the night at my Grandma's (she doesn't have a crib so he sleeps in the bed with me)he wants to nurse through the night. Then it takes a few days to get back in the routine of him sleeping through the night. You said you are working, so you do need a good nights sleep. I nurse Owen at 8:30 pm and he falls asleep. He sleeps till 4:30 when I nurse him again.
Good luck.

You have done the right thing! Your son is very lucky to have you. I also did the co-sleeping with my son and the people around me were not supportive. But there came a time when he was restless at night and it kept waking me. So for both of us to have good sleep I moved him out of my bed. So,I bought a bed to place next to mine. At first he whined and tried to reach for me but I had to be firm and he finally fell asleep. When he would awake to feed I had to let him cry for about 10 min and I would rub his back then he would go back to sleep. This was hard becuase it would interupt my sleep but I knew it was for the best. After a week he slept thru the night. Then I started moving the bed farther away. Next, I moved the bed into the bathroom and I shut the door like he was in a seperate room but still 3 feet away. This took over a month. it was a slow process but now he sleeps in his own room with out problems. But I have noticed if I have to work all day or overnight when I return he goes back to waking up in the middle of the night to breast feed. I think he misses me and he wants reassurence and at these times I give in but after two nights he goes back to our routine. I hope this helps! Good luck

i guess it's different for everyone but from my experience in having 3 boys mine usually slept through the night in their own rooms by 4 months old. they do occasionally try to come in early in the morning. especially my 3 year old. i quit using a crib when my first child was 4 months old because although he couldn't crawl yet he was strong enough that he had pulled himself head first over the rail of the crib and woke me and my husband up when he started screaming after he fell out shortly before we had moved him into his own room.

D.,
Hi! First off, if you are parenting the way you choose, then you ARE doing the right thing. Since each child is different, if what you are doing works for both of you, then that's what matters. I commend you for continuing to meet your son's needs and being responsive to him. I nursed my first son, now 6, until he was 2 yrs., 7 mos. old. I night-weaned him first when he was about 20 mos old, by telling him that my "boobies were sleeping". (I did it because I too wasn't getting the rest I needed because he'd wake me to nurse) I'd heard that from someone else and decided to give it a try. It worked! The first 2 nights he fussed a little, but then he accepted it. He remained in our bed until we moved to our current house where he was able to choose his own room and no longer had to share a room with his little brother. He loves having his own space and sleeping in his own bed.

My younger son, who's 3 1/2 now, was more recently night weaned. He depended on nursing to sleep and no matter what I tried, he wasn't ready to stop. The approach that worked for him was to have me lay down with him and cuddle him until he falls asleep. He typically falls asleep within 10 mins.

I had to use two different approaches to suit their individual personalities and needs, but ended up with the desired result in each case. La Leche League is also an excellent resource for you to be able to speak with other moms who are going through or who have been in your situation. Check out www.llli.org to find a local chapter. It's a wonderful support system for nursing moms who are like-minded in parenting philosophy as well. "How Weaning Happens" by Diane Bengson is another wonderful book and tool for approaches on weaning in general and includes information about night time weaning. Hope this helps!

D.,

The beauty of nursing is that you get to decide. You are not caught in the situation of having to spend a lot of money on formula and such. So, you can decide what you are comfortable with. If nursing him is not a problem for you, then by all means, nurse away. When it begins to become an issue, you can deal with it then. I nursed one daughter for 2y 8m, and one for 2y. I didn't nurse my oldest son at all (because I was young and didn't know the benefits of nursing) and my youngest son, we adopted, so I didn't nurse him either. I wish I had known the benefits with my oldest son, because now he has soooo many allergies. Our adopted son seems to be sick a lot also. My two girls are soooo healthy. They get sick very little and when they do, they recover FAST. I am a firm believer that you can't improve on God (or even get close for that matter). Although it is recommended to nurse for one year, the longer the better. There is so much nutritional value in breast milk that I would want him to have it as long as possible. You could even just start pumping and give it to him in a sippie cup, if needed. That way, when he wakes up, you can just hand him a sippie cup. That is, if you were wanting to wean him from nursing.
As for the sleeping, that is strictly your choice also. You have to decide what you are comfortable with. There is NO right or wrong answer. The longer you keep him in your bed, the harder it will be to disconnect him from your bed. He will not become disinterested in sleeping in mom's bed, so at some point you will need to transition him. It will take time. But, you need to decide at what age you feel comfortable moving him. (My daughters were around 4-5y when they moved out of my room). When you are ready, you can begin by having him sleep on your floor in a sleeping bag for a couple of weeks. At this point, he is not allowed to sleep in your bed. But, you will need to give him about a week or two of reminder warnings that in ... days he will not be able to sleep with mommy anymore. Then you can move his sleeping bag close to your door for about a week. You then move it to outside of his door and then finally to beside his bed. After a week, you can put him in his bed and you shouldn't have many issues with it. Don't begin until you are truly ready to follow through.
All this being said, just remember that nursing and sleeping are intimate things that you don't stop until you are good and ready. So, make sure you don't stop because someone said to or because someone put a guilt trip on you. You do what is most comfortable with you. Afterall, no one is going to come into your home and help you or do it for you, so they will have no room to tell you when you should do it. You do what you feel is right in your situation. Prayer helps a lot too!
Congratulations on nursing for this long and you sound like a terrific mommy, so keep up the good work!!!
Take Care,
T.

Nursing provides a lot more than just food. Even though your son could certainly do without a midnight snack, that doesn't mean nighttime nursing isn't filling an important need in his life. Perhaps he's making up for the nights he must be away from you. If you really want to make the break, be firm and do it; you've given him a great 14 months of physical and emotional nourishment. Children are great at adapting.

But if both of you are enjoying and benefitting from the nursing relationship, and you are just feeling pressure from others against it, don't stop. Remember that in many societies weaning doesn't take place until three years of age or older.

I don't have much experience, myself, with co-sleeping, but it's certainly worked great with my grandchildren.

If you feel like your ready for him to sleep in his own bed then do start the process. It can be a tough one.
You could try give him a bottle of formula or water if he seems to want something. What I did was put cotton on the top of a bottle and just give my son the empty bottle. All he wanted to do was have something in his mouth. He was never a pacifer baby.
It can be a struggle so don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen too easy. But if your ready then do start. Also find out what your mother does when he's with her. About this age they want consistency.

I am happy to hear that you are still co-sleeping and nursing! I am in the same boat only I have a 3 year old girl! She no longer nurses she just gave it up! But she still sleeps with us. My husband and I feel that we will enjoy this time because we know when she is 16 she wont even want to be in the same room as us! LOL Good luck!

We co-slept with our daughter (now 6) and didn't transition her out of our bed until she was about 2 1/2 and even then we just placed a full size bed next to our queen sized bed (we have a huge bedroom).

Our daughter slept on the full size bed. We then moved her bed to the other side of the bedroom a few months later. Then at 3 (close to 4 years of age) she picked out her own bed ("castle" bed with slide from Rooms to Go) and she moved to her own bedroom without any problems.

We will be doing the same with our son. He is only 4 months old now though.

Hi my son is 14 months too, and we've been going through the same thing. 2-3 nights a week I let my husband take over and other nights I sleep in his bed with him. I nurse him for a bit and then once he falls asleep I lay with him for about 20 mins and then get out of his bed. When he wakes in the night my hubby usually gets him or I lay with him again in his bed and put him back to sleep. I couldn't tell you if your doing the right thing, its great though that your still nursing. Dr. Sears has a great book called the The baby sleep book, its a great book and very informative, it has helped us a lot. Good luck..

Not sure what you mean by "doing the right thing." For who? The right thing is what works best for both of you. It seems like you are not sure yourself whether you are wanting to stop co-sleeping and night nursing or not. Your child will most probably not stop on his own. Why would he? He's happy and comfortable and there is really no reason for him to want to start sleeping in his own bed or quit nursing. I remember hearing some advice that helped me personally know when the right time to stop nursing was. It simply said that when it was no longer a positive experience it was time to stop. When it became more of a hassle or annoying (ex:loss of sleep for child and/or mother, the child in the way or interrupting you and your partner sleeping comfortably, etc)then it is time for YOU to stop. Its such a personal decision and should not be judged by what others think is the right "time". For me I was tired of being woken up in the middle of the night already. I was tired of having my son sprawled in different directions in the bed and waking my husband and I up. It really became more of a hassle and I realized it was not good for my son either. He was waking up just to latch on when he could be sleeping uninterrupted sleep. It was more my attachment that was leading me to hold on rather than what was best for all of us. Once we weaned, he started sleeping through the whole night and seemed so much more rested during the day and needed less naps. I got alot more sleep too. Eventually he started sleeping in his own bed. Just take your time but most of all, when you make the decision, stick with it and be consistent. Doesn't sound like you are at that place yet. You need to be SURE or it won't be worth the trouble. Thanks for letting me share!

This is such a difficult time....your baby is growing and changing and so are you and the relationship you have. It sounds like you know the time is coming soon that you will need to make some type of change, but not sure how to go about it. First, you have done nothing wrong! It sounds like you are a wonderful, loving and nuturing mother. I would suggest reading "Healthy Sleep, Happy Child" to understand sleep rhythms and possibly give you some ideas on how to make a transition. I don't agree with everything in the book, but just take what helps.

I was a single parent until my first son was 7yrs. and he slept with me often and I didn't mind most of the time...he got to be a huge bed hog and I needed my sleep, so some nights were exhausting, but I loved having him in bed with me and believe it created a special bond between me and my son. I nursed my second son until 15 months, he refused a bottle, and I was ready at that point to stop. I went a way for two nights and when I came home I nursed him one more time, 1)because I was in so much pain and 2)I needed that one last time *change*. He did fine and the sleeping all night came eventually. He still comes into our bed from time to time and I still love to snuggle, but if he won't go back to sleep, then he goes back to his bed.

Do what you feel is right in YOUR heart...you'll be happy you did. God Bless!

I am a supporter of co-sleeping and all my children slept with me, still do sometimes. However, for my daughter I moved her to her own bed because as she got older she would fall out of the bed. What I did with my daughter was to move her toddler bed next to my bed, that way she can still see me, have that comfort, but I have my space! She likes to play with my hair to go to sleep. Maybe you can set up with your son. Nursing until he goes to sleep and then thats it, no late night munchies :)

The important thng is that you set the guidelines and then stick with it.

Good luck and enjoy your son!

A.

I think if you were 100% comfortable still doing this and felt you were doing the right thing then you wouldn't have posted your question. It's not OK for anyone else to tell you what you should do with your child-- you do what you feel is best for your family. The fact that you are asking makes me think that you are ready for a change and just don't know how to go about it. Sure- some kids may "outgrow" co-sleeping on their own, but some won't. I have a friend who got tired of her daughter coming to her bed at night so now she goes to her brother's room and sleeps with him-- and she is almost 10 years old. I remember someone here on this message board once said that they think it's fine for a child to come into the parents' bed because they shouldn't have to sleep alone and gave the arguement that we don't sleep alone so why should they have to. I think that's a kooky arguement and quite frankly a disturbing one because if a child doesn't overcome the need to sleep with someone else then they may "fall into bed" so to speak with anyone just so they don't have to sleep alone. I think there is nothing wrong with teaching a child to sleep on his/her own-- I think the whole family gets a better night's rest that way-- but that's just my opinion. You should do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do. It won't be easy if you decide to stop because he may not understand-- but like you said you know he isn't hungry and you know he can sleep better because he does it at your mom's house.

Oh sweetheart, there is nothing like doing something that alot of people just don't get.
I personally also had our son sleep with us until he was almost three... It was wonderful but no one I knew, thought it was as great as we did.
The upside... Our son is loved, and knows it without a shadow of a doubt. He is a fabulous cuddler. And he stopped nursing at 22 months. (I kept a sippy cup of water by the bed, let him have a sip, then he fell back asleep)the sippy cup eventually wasn't as worth waking up for, and he slept through the night.
The downside... He is miserable having to sleep by himself.
The other day he asked why Daddy and I get to sleep with someone and he has to sleep alone. He is now almost nine.
My youngest however only slept with us a short time and loves to go to bed, likes to have his space and goes to sleep with confidence and ease every night.
We as parents do what our hearts are motivated by. Your heart needs that healing time to make up for lost time. Follow your heart, trust yourself and love EVERY SECOND you have with your sweet little boy. It's WAY to soon before it's gone.
Best of hope,
S.

Hi D.,

We did the co-sleeping and breastfeeding thing too. I ended up breastfeeding my daughter (naps and nighttime) until she was 28 months old. Pediatrician said it was fine as long as it was what we both still wanted. The APA is now advocating breastfeeding in some form up to 24 months. I weaned her at 28 months because I had a health issue that required it. We continued the co-sleeping and when she woke up and wanted to nurse I had to be firm and just comfort her in other ways. She has never taken a bottle. I usually just cuddled with her and rubbed her back, maybe sing a little lullaby. I only had a few days where she wanted to nurse and then we were done.

Just remember, you need to figure out what is best for you and your child. Don't let anyone else guilt you into doing what they think you should do.

Good Luck!