Daugther Angry

My first thought... talk to her. My daughter is only 7 but she talks to me about her feelings and why she's having them.

I know when I was in school, there were a LOT of issues I was dealing with including puberty (I was only barely 10yrs old when I started). If my mom would've taken the time to listen, I probably wouldn't have been so angry and frustrated. I remember those times in my life very clearly. It was confusing and unless the adult takes the lead on the conversation to start, the child won't say anything and keep in bottled up. I make sure I sit and have chats with my daughter. I answer all of her questions the best I can and let her know if she's feeling something, whether it be anger, sadness, frustration, happiness, whatever... She can talk to me about it.

For example... There was one time that she told me that she was mad at my mother and went into detail of why. And she asked me why she is the way she is... It was a rather deep conversation between me and my daughter (she was 6 at the time. now 7) and I answered everything the best I could, but was honest about everything. She tells me everything. I hope it stays that way.

Good luck!

Well I have 2 girls the ages of 14 and 12. And they are this way alot of time when the time of the month comes around. I was SHOCKED when my 14 yr old started hers when she was 9. She was very moody for about a yr before this happened. So Maybe this is what she is going threw. I would sit down and talk to her an see what's is on her mind and tell her that you will be there for her to talk to whenever she needs to talk about anything!!! More you talk to her the more she will feel confortable to come to you for anything.

Hi TPC,

At 9, she may be able to share. Does she believe she is angry? You may be doing the best any of us can do and she still feel angry. Let's be little Sherlock Holmes' here. Will she talk with anyone about how she feels? Another family member, close family friend, etc? You may be right-on with the middle child syndrome (believing the older/younger command attention and such and / or not feeling good enough) or it could be something else.

How does she do at school? Any of this anger there? Talk with the teacher. I know it is summer. I love to work with teachers on this, as children spend most of their waking days in school (during the week) and the teacher may see things we miss.

Also, I hope you do not doubt yourself as a mom. I don't doubt you care. Remember, we all need help sometimes. Your daughter may not know how to appropriately express how she feels and need help.
S. A. K., MFT

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Chino-CA/S.-A-K...

Sit down and talk to her. By that I mean listen. Tell her you feel her anger, and you want to help her any way you can, but you have to be able to understand what's really going on. Then really listen. It could be feelings she doesn't understand herself, fears about growing into a "woman", bullying at school, anything. I've seen many referrals here to the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, How to Listen So Kids Will Talk". I wish it had been around when my kids were small. Good luck. The older they get, the harder parenting is.

I have loved using empathetic parenting, because it gets super results with my 4yo grandson, as it did with his mommy when she was little. And several other young families I know have happy and positive results with this approach. You can find out more about it in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Or google Emotion Coaching for tips you can start using right now.

I think you'll be amazed at your daughter's response when you try this approach, because it will not only help you deal effectively with her anger and negativity, but your overall communication will improve – so terribly important as your she approaches puberty. This book teaches you how to listen to your daughter's issues in a way that will help HER identify her issues, and give her an opportunity to come up with her own appropriate solutions (yes, kids can do this!). And it's no pushover-parent approach – you can also learn how to present your own needs and limits in a way your daughter can hear better.

My best to you. Kids sure do require parents to stay alert and curious.

Mom, have you sat down one on one without the others around and told her your observations and talked with her. I would do that 1st then find a way to help her. I was a middle child of 4 girls and never had this issue so I think there are other things happening with her. Start with a mom and daugther talk. Good luck

This is the age and they are way too spoiled very young. I have cut back on spoiling. I am raising a almost 13 yr old granddaughter who has to have the last word and attitude comes and goes. Hate teen years. Cut back and make them do for themselves. Just like 2 yr olds the more we do the more they do nothing. G. W