Daughter with Adhd and Odd

My heart goes out to you. I have a son who was diagnose with ADHD in the first grade. Fortunately, it was not as severe as your daughter. I knew then that I did not want my son to be labeled throughout his school experience, so what I did was do alot of research on ADHD. I found out that he inherited this condition from his father (he was a nineth grade drop out because of behavior problems). His mother did not want to get help for him and in those days educators didn't have any help for children with problems.

What I can suggest is to do research on the topic. Sometimes medication alone isn't the answer. Remember you are depending on the medical field who treat many children with similar problems. What works for one does not necessarily work for the other. I found out for my son to help him with ADHD was to see and understand how he learns. It takes alot of patience, but in the long run it works. By the time he was without medication and has not been on it at all. He is a junior in high school and is a B average student which is great for him.
I had to teach him how to learn, I have to keep a routine and change his diet. Seek out a nutrient to help you choose foods that can help her. Basically do your research and use the treatments that fit your daughter. You will be surprise in the difference it will make. GOOD LUCK!

I know you've had a lot of responses to this e-mail, and I'm very glad for it. I understand how frustrating dealing with an angry child can be. My son has a very touchy temper and used to get in trouble at school constantly. We've met with doctors, counselors, teachers, Jeff CO reps--trying to build the right IEP (Individualized Education Plan) for him and there were times when I felt nothing was going to work.

At home, during his fits, there have been times when I've felt I couldn't handle my own anger and frustration at him. I get to feeling good and sorry for MYSELF for having to deal with his emotions and behavior issues. Still and yet, no matter how bad it gets, I look at him at the end of the day when we're tucking him in (when he's still and quiet ;) and my heart melts all over again...he's my child and my love for him goes to the deepest center of my being.

While I know in moments like that that I CAN persevere and can rise above my own inability to handle his problems well, there are certainly times when I don't think so--when I sit in the floor in exhaustion after one of his bouts and just want to melt away, I'm so discouraged. But that's why groups like this are good--so that I can say to you "I've been there, I understand, and it does get better."

My son has been variously diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety disorder, even TURRETS! But over a three year period (from 2nd grade through 4th grade), I never felt that the diagnosis was correct. He IS different and difficult--teachers have noted that as early as 4k. But I kept feeling that they were missing something. And after the Turrets diagnosis my husband and I took him off of everything--medicine and therapy--just to watch him for a while and see what would happen. He relaxed! He's so much better now...ALL of the Turrets symptoms are gone. We still struggle and have melt downs--he's still himself--but we are on a much more even keel now.

Does that mean that I think that if you stop treating your child she will miraculously get better? No, of course not. But I think as parents we can get so overwhelmed with the professional advice that we forget to listen to our hearts. So, trust yourself. Look at your daughter and be strong about what you want her life to be like. Don't be bullied around by professionals--let them help YOU make YOUR choices. AND, know that she will grow up--as she continues to get older she'll gain coping skills--ADHD and ODD symptoms often get A LOT better as the child gets older. I also have a habit of recounting my child's GOOD traits over and over like a mantra to myself to comfort myself that I am NOT the worst mother ever and he WILL survive as an adult in the world. He's a brilliant child--very smart in school when he's not in trouble and a very good pianist. He's funny. He's beautiful. He's sensitive. He loves animals. He can be clever. He is often very elegant. Some of these traits would be BETTER if they were more moderated and far less intense, but I find it very important to step back from all the language of failure and discipline problems and look at my wonderful child who possesses GOOD traits, too. And to remember that God created him, loves him, and gave him to me for safe keeping.

Good luck and know that my prayers are with you,

N.

my daughter too has adhd odd , and bipolar manic depressed. it is very hard to understand we have been dealing with it for about 6 long and hard yrs . everything you said it was like you were talking about my daughter . it is so hard i know head on . they have tryed to make he out of a drug store. she is now 16 yrs old .... if you ever need to talk im here

Counseling and behaviour therapy is needed along with any medications she may be taking. Meds alone won't solve it. My daughter is also diagnosed add and odd. She was on Strattera. She does not have a learning problem, other than she refuses to apply herself. After years of problems in school and years of problems at home with her hitting her little brothers and her step father I had enough. I told her that I was sending her to camp Eckerd, http://www.eckerd.org . Her father decided that wasn't necessary, and he decided to take custody of her, which meant she had to move to Washington,DC from Wilmington,NC. She is off her meds, which I don't agree with, but, she is not hitting and punching holes in the walls at his house, so that is good. However, she just got her first report card and it was 5 F's and 2 C's! ugh! But he still insists she doesn't need anything for her add..... She has a whole new diet up there, he eats very differently than we do. That might account for her not hitting and freaking out on him, so there might be something to the food angle.
Please know you are not alone and it really does take a special mom to handle a child like this. I was at my wits end after 14 years of her behaviour and am lucky to have an ex who wants to be there for his kids. Now maybe he can handle it for the next few years before she is on her own. I don' know what you would think about a camp program, but I did study it extensively. If your daughter is 8-18, it might be something for you to consider. If your relationship is anything like ours, we were on our way to not having a relationship at all. It was really tearing us apart. However you decide to handle your situation, don't let anyone tell you that you are doing it wrong. Not many people know what it is like to have a child like that. I have friends who say they understand, but they really have no idea until they live it day in and out for years. I am currently in counseling for myself, there is alot of guilt that goes with sending your child away, even if it is to go live with her dad. You might want to look into it for yourself. It is a good way to talk out all your feelings. Best of luck to you and hang in there.
M.

Hello I am Jenny I am crying reading your story. I have a son with ADHD, Senery Integration, and PDD. I understand completly where you are coming from he is only in 1st grade and was kicked off the bus last year. I am just starting to take him to a Behavior Doctor. I would really like to talk with you so you can contact me at ____@____.com I will be looking forward to hearing from you.

The first thing I would do is get her to a nutrition specialist- not a dietician but a holistic nutrition person. They can help you regulate her diet as to help with her mood and add and odd. Most behavioral disorders are actually food related allergies, and once that is addressed a lot of children are able to come off most or all of their medication and are able to function at a much more productive and healthy level. Also is she receiving proper schooling at this special school or are they just doing the bare minimum and acting more like a babysitting service? I would check that out if you haven't already and make sure that they are pushing the kids to succeed, she may have some mental impairments, however she can probably do more than where she is academically. But get to a natural doctor who can help on her diet and see if that can make some major changes. Just go on line and type diet related behavior disorders and it will probably pull up several studies and you will be surprised at the outcome. I do wish you the best and certainly will pray for you as I know this has to be a very trying time.

I sure hope you find the answers and info. you are looking for to help support your daughter and you through this. I do not know about the conditions but can honestly say from experience from being a group leader of 35 girls with several on medications for Bi-polar, ADD, and other disorders that a lot of doctors and desperate parents who have to put their trust in the doctors suggestions put their children on medications and have to adjust dosages, come off only to go on a new one, and double up on several at a time. If you read the warning labels there can be severe side affects especially if the child comes off of them without a doctors careful watch over them. The most terrible side affect that doctors may not agree with but I have witnessed in so many young people is the fact that some of the drugs can permanently alter their child’s brain and body chemicals and then if that drug doesn't work they remove them and try something different, and so on only causing each drug to continue to alter them and after a while the child is so chemically off it takes many drugs at one time to give them a slight bit of control over their chemical imbalances. I hope this makes sense.

Children continue to grow physically, chemically, hormonally, and emotionally and when drugs are added which can cause permanent changes and have been a negative to the child it's hard to get them off drugs at all or get them balanced again. Please do not allow the doctors to keep your daughter on different drugs until they find the right one. Get a second, third, fourth opinion, or have her tested to see if it could be behavior issues that are not chemical.

If she has a learning disability there are places that teach children with her issues and it could be drug free. Maybe helping her to learn to concentrate, slow down, focus, etc. She could be one of many that just need to learn skills to cope with her disabilities instead of being drugged. Her anger or bursts of anger could very well be frustration. I had a cousin who was like this (we're both in our 30's now) but growing up she seemed so mean but she also had a learning disability. She now is in management at a large bank branch and luckily my aunt had her tested at a special place for learning disabilities and they taught her how to cope and learn to live with her disability. No drugs ever needed!

I sure hope you can find this to be true with your daughter, she sounds incredibly precious.

Honey, your child is your child what does your heart tell you is the problem?

When my son was diagnosed adhd and odd in the second grade my es husband let the doctors put him on the meds and they changed them ect ect took him to the thearpyist and so on and so on even after he came to live with me and all the while my heart keept telling me that he had been misdiagnosed and did not need to be on the meds. he only got worse on them not better; so i took him off of them(in the 9th grand) and he is alot better yes we still have our moments. he is 18 now but doing a million times better. now i'm by no means saying that is the answer for you and your child some children need it and some don't. mine didn't. what i am saying is to listen to your heart. also have you or anyone else (someone that you can depend on to tell you) sat down and really talked with your child? i suggest this because she may have something going on that you don't know about. it could be as simple as she is jellous of something that the others are getting to do especially if they are older or privlages are based on behivor or something much more serious (i pray that it is not) in which case she will need serious help. also consider haaving her tested for (i'm not sure that i'm spelling this right) aspbarger's syndrome it is a form of autisim. there is a test that you can have her take on the internet that will help you detrmine weather or not to see a phsycholigist for further testing. just google it. the test is called the aspie test or something to that effect. i think that the trreatment for aspbarger's differs slightly from the treatment for adhd and odd.
having said all of that and hopefully it will help, the most important thing to remember is to listen to what your heart tells you. YOU ARE HER MOTHER AND YOU KNOW HER BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.(use your"mothers intuition or 6th sense" or whatever you call it.) i hope this helps. having been there i know how difficult it is to watch your child behave in what can only be described as a selfdistructive maner and feel helpless and out of caontroll to do anything about it. DON'T GIVE UP IT WILL WORK OUT AND THERE IS HELP OUT THERE. please let me know how it goes and best of luck.
P.