Oh man, this is never easy. My 15 year old has been datting a boy for around 5 monthsish. And last night when she was on the bus she called, and i she was telling be how she was going to get off at her friends house, and i could sorta tell she was crying, and i was asking what was wrong, if it was Gannon (her bf) and she was just like "were done" and that killed me to even hear, cause first break up's are never easy. and it sorta killed me a little that she wanted to hang out with friends then with her family. But anything to get her mind off if it i guess. But today i when she came home she was still crying, which kills me. Her big sister has been hanging out with her (cause shes been has throu a break up) but idk what to do? her little bro who is 4 has been asking me what was wrong with her, so me and my husband had to explain that to him. So any of mom's have any advice of what to do to let her calm dow. Shes the type that never crys so its suprising that she is.
Can you call a girls night in and kick any boys out of the house for the night (even if that means moderate hotel room) and order pizza, eat ice cream out of the carton and too much popcorn and watch all the chick fliks you can find?
The best thing you can do for her is to let her cry without asking questions or making comments other than how you know this hurts, etc. In other words be sympathetic about how she feels: not about the facts of it. As Dawi P. said, don't try to fix it. It can't be fixed. It just has to be mourned before she can move on.
Reminding her that she was fortunate to have had this experience, that there will be other boys, etc. only distracts from the problem which is to grieve the loss. The fact that she had the experience or that there will be more doesn't take away the grief and shows a lack of sympathy with the pain. It's a way of saying stop your grieving because you'll have another boy friend.
Never easy. I am quite a way from this situation as my dds are only 7 and 5 but did go through it with my younger sister. It does break your heart.
The best advice I got from an older mom years back was. Don't attempt to fix it. What she did with her daughter was she held her and said. " Go ahead and cry and I will cry with you." Looking back at my first break up that would probably have been what I needed.
Marda said it perfectly.
It always hurts the worst when the other person breaks up with us.
She is allowed to be upset. At some point tonight or tomorrow, just speak with her about how lucky she was to have had this young mas in her life as a first boyfriend. That you understand it hurts her feelings and heart.
That there is nothing wrong with her, but at some point she is going to be the one breaking someone else's heart and it is also a terrible feeling to have caused them pain.
Remind her that eventually she will move on and meet other nice young men and how much fun she will have again. That love is such a strong emotion her feelings are real, but in reality, it is going to be many, many years before she meets her life long love.
This is a sae time for this to have happened. If this happened when she was not around the family, she would be dealing with this alone or with friends that do not know her as much as you all do.
Take her for a treat. Tell her about your first Boyfriend or the first time someone broke up with you.. Give her a big hug and let he know you love her and know she is going to get through this.
I ditto Marda's advice as well.
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Give her some space and let her cry it out.
Her heart's a bit raw right now.
Talking about it too soon is like picking at a scab.
