I know it is normal obviously. But for example lately I have been noticing her walking home with him (He lives down the street). They werent too close or anything. She had called him by a nickname that she gave him "Joshy". So I asked if she liked him. She said yes a little then started to show me her diary about how she put that she liked him. I wasnt trying to make her like him or make her feel like she should like him or anything. I was trying to make her feel like she could talk to me about things by opening up the convo. Rather than make her feel bad if she did like him and feel like she should hide things. I may be going about it the wrong way. I am not sure. I dont have another daughter so I am not quite sure how I am supposed to approach these situations. I was raised very protected and nothing was ever talked about as far as boys, sex, periods, etc.... I dont want her to feel the same way as I did growing up and feel like everything is hush hush. I do know playing the "friend" role too much can be bad but how to balance the friend/parent role?
It sounds like you learned from your past experience that open communication is key...
My mom was quite the prude and everything was hush hush as well.
NOT ME.... I am an open book and no topic is off limits.
You are laying groundwork now so she knows that she can come to you. Just LISTEN a lot without a lot of extra input and advice, unless of course she asks.
Good luck.
LET your daughter talk to you... about ANYTHING.
A child, needs to have a person, to talk to, about their life. Good or bad. That person, needs to be their parent whichever one they are more open with or comfortable with.
Because, if your child cannot talk to you about anything... they will go elsewhere to do it. And that means, someone other than you, or friends good or bad, or strangers, and about their bodies and feelings.
This is the way, my late Dad, did things with me. Whereas, my Mom didn't talk to us about anything or she was just so judgmental. So I didn't tell her anything. I talked to, my Dad.
I always tell my kids, they can talk to me about anything, they don't have to keep secrets, and it can be about anything, good or bad and they don't have to fear, talking to me.
They know, that. My kids can be an open book, with me.
That does not mean I am their "friend." I am their MOM. A parent. And as such, I am there to guide them, not make friends with them. But we are close.
My kids are 6 and 10. And they tell me things. Good or bad or just anything.
You TELL your child, you are always there for them, good or bad. So that they know that... and do not have to "guess" at it.
I agree whole heartedly wih TF Plano/Allen. We also grew up in a hush-hush household. I hated that. I always wanted to have the Bradys for parents so I could TALK to my parents. Wasn't gonna happen.
I think you handled it okay. You tried to open up the convo but she wasn't ready. You laid the groundwork - now let her come to you. But like TF said, do more listening than talking. I know it's hard, but BITE YOUR TONGUE. You need/want to hear what she's thinking and feeling.
We are not far from that, I think. My daughter is also a pre-teen (middle school) and she has had several boys actually ask her out on dates. (ACK!) Of course, she hasn't liked any of them, and told them all to buzz off. LOL Anyway, I think you're doing this the right way. I spend a lot of time listening to my daughter about how dumb/gross the boys are, but I hope that if/when she decides she likes one of them, that she will still talk to me about them. She tells me about her various friends who like this boy or that boy, and all of the ensuing middle school drama. I know that someday she will not want to share this information anymore, and I'm just hoping that by listening and being non-judgmental, she will feel comfortable talking to me into her teenage years. I will admit that I do, in a conversational way, try to talk to her about our values as a family (as in, drinking, drugs, sex - and not necessarily forbidding those, but talking about how they are big decisions and how we shouldn't just do stuff because our friends do), while she's still willing to listen. :-/
Wow you are lucky most girls don't want their momma anywhere near their diary. Don't go snooping through it like some moms do.
Let her come to you. You don't have to be the "best friend" just be mom. She is full of questions and puberty is coming. Have a lunch with her and have the talk if you have not. You don't have to get down right nasty with it just make sure she is aware of what life is about.
My daughter had ups and downs in middle school not the bully but the "if you life on this side of town, why don't you have the fancy clothes and such?" Well I had to point out to her that there are many people who judge you if you don't look and wear what the fades are. I also pointed out that they the girls had never been out of town or lived in another country and had no knowledge of real life other than home town. I explained that she was rich because she had had the experiences of living in Europe and seeing the big cities of Paris, London, Brussels, Amsterdam, Vienna and more that they were trying to belittle her. She thought about this for a bit and said to me that she understood and went out with her head held high. In her junior year of high school she told me I was her best friend. I asked her if she thought x should be and she told me no you are. It's an honor I hold very dear to me and still do to this day and she will be 36 next month. Now we are friends.
But lay down the groundwork and guide her and support her. Let her come to you with her questions and enjoy this time together.
Good luck to you both. May the road to adulthood be smooth sailing and not too bumpy.
the other S.
