This seems like such a silly question, but I need some tips on how to stop this behavior.
My daughter (will be 4 in Sept) constantly holds her potty when she has to go the bathroom. Everyone around her will immediately say "Do you have to go the bathroom?" At which point, she mostly says no...but eventually caves and will go. I've demanded she go on the spot when I see this and she throws a complete fit. (Which doesn't help and usually makes her start having accidents) I've told her to stop holding herself. I've told her every time I see her holding herself she must try to use the restroom. All of this does not seem to help. She only touches/holds herself when she gets the urge to pee. (Meaning I don't think she is doing it for pleasure, if anyone would think to bring up this point)
Short of punishment what do I do to stop this? Or will it come down to punishment? I thought in time it would pass and she would stop. (My oldest used to do the same thing, but just by reminder that she can't do it, she stopped on her own) She is about to start school this fall and I do not look forward to the talk, "Your daughter needs to stop holding herself" Ugh....
I am glad this is common. Like, I said my oldest did it too, but it didn't take as nearly as long to break her of it. This daughter has been doing it for almost a year. I'll just continue gently reminding her, like I have been mostly. I just worry what they might think at school. Although, she has a wonderful teacher (my daughter had her) so I know she will be gentle about it too.
I am very interested in the dinosaur train episode I'll have to search for that episode. Thanks!
And I also had a talk with her last night about her body getting rid of the garbage, like someone suggested. So maybe these little talks will help.
I have not punished her yet, and my gut says not to because I feel she will just regress. But a little part of me was wondering if that's what it would take.
Thanks for making me feel normal about this. :)
It is normal for that age. She will out grow it, but she may be 5 or 6 before she does. Just keep reminding her to use the potty when you see it.
It's very normal behavior, probably every one of my 4 kids did that. I would ignore it, remind her to go to the bathroom, and she'll eventually stop.
I've heard of kids being afraid to pee or poop because they are more self aware and are afraid of losing things inside their body.. maybe talk to her about it and explain how it can hurt her if she doesn't get the bad stuff out. Explain that pee and poop are like trash that your body needs to get rid of to be healthy. Just a thought.
My daughter does this too... she's 5. I've had to try and tell her a few times that if you hold it too long when you have to go, you can hurt your bladder. She likes to 'itch' herself a lot - kinda how boys and men need to rearrange their parts. I know I feel the need to itch or 're-arrange' also - but I"m old enough to know to try and do it out of sight... she at 5 y/o has awhile to go before she learns that too.
.
My daughter is 4 1/2 and does that too. Remind her not to do it when you see it. Don't make such a big deal of it. It must be an age thing. I will not be punishing my daughter for doing it, as I'm sure she'll outgrow it.
My daughter is 5 1/2 and has always had issues with holding her pee/poop since she was 3 years old. She started school last year and did great! I told her teacher that we had some issues with her going to the bathroom and she was awesome about it. My daughter had 1 accident for the entire year. My husband says I need to just relax and not be so controlling. But I know exactly how you feel, it is very frustrating b/c you know they have to go. We do not punish her for it...I usually say that we have to go before we outside or my husband is really good at saying "just try" and if you don't have to go then no biggie. She almost always has to go. Good luck!
It's a habit that needs to be broken. I'd start with warnings when you see her do it - then take her to the bathroom ASAP. I'd pick her up and take her there. If she pees - make her clean it up and change her clothes her self (you'll have to clean up better later). Aside from not wanting her to do it cause it looks silly - it's not good to hold your pee. She needs to understand that. So do lots of explaining (if you hold your pee it will start to burn a LOT).
When my 5YO daughter does something with her body (fingers in her mouth, etc.) I don't like I tell her that she might get sick and then we will have to go to the doctor and he will take blood - it usually does the trick.
Good luck.
could you teach her an alternative behavior?? Talk to her about not trying to hold and make it into a game like baseball signals?? You've gotten some great advice on here so far from the other mamas. I agree with those that said to NOT punish. This to me seems a little silly to punish, when with encouragement or re-direction could be easier and more fun for everyone.
Instead of demanding can you give her a choice? "Would you like to go to the bathroom right now, or in 2 mins?" "Would you like to race me to the bathroom, or go by yourself?"
Or would incentives work like a sticker or marble jar (earn one sticker or marble for every positive experience) everytime she does not do her version of the pee pee dance and goes instead, or goes immediatly after being asked to go. 10 stickers earns her a special reward. (maybe another BIG sticker and 10 BIG stickers gets her something REALLY big!!) like ice cream cone, special day with just mom, a fav small toy.
I hope this helps...GOOD LUCK!!
My baby girl is 3 and does this. Most of the time she has to go. I just tell her you don't hold yourself like that, your a lady. It seems to work at the time, but lol she does it again.
It's completely normal. Perhaps instead of "demanding" you "suggest." Take her by the hand and gently say, "Hey honey, let's go to the ladies room for a minute. It won't take long." This way you're not giving her a choice, but you're not being demanding or combative with her. Obviously you don't want her to have a toileting accident, but the biggest concern is that she doesn't make it a habit of holding her urine or else she could get UTI's and bladder infections. Holding herself when she has to pee isn't even on the radar.
Be grateful that she gives that signal when she has to go or you wouldn't know that she's holding it at all until she's doing the Pee Pee Dance at which point you only have 30-45 seconds to get her to a toilet.
There's a Dinosaur Train episode where Tiny has a similair problem (except she "dances") complete with a cute little song about how when a dinosaur has to go they have to go. We actually have the episode loaded on the laptop, I'l check to see which one it is when I get off work in the morning
set regular bathroom times. instead of waiting till you see it happen start being proactive about it. in preschool they have regularly scheduled bathroom breaks. just start having them at your house too. turn off the tv and say its potty time and send her.
I think making a big deal out of it is going to make it worse, maybe already has. It is more typical of boys than girls. Girls often do a little dance instead which is less embarrassing to parents. I'd have her go before you go out no matter what she says. Insist that everyone will go before you leave and that's that. I'd give her plenty of clear fluids in this heat in case there's a UTI developing, but it sounds like it's just a habit or control tactic. Definitely don't punish her or nag her about it unless you want a longer battle. Try to be relaxed and ignore it other than to comment "looks like you need to use the bathroom now. Let's go." or something like that. Be very low-key, not rewarding this negatively at all.
