Daughter Doesn't Care

My daughter was somewhat not aware of her physical appearance at this age as well. But one or two weeks into "middle school" and she picked up on the habits of others. Most girls in this age group start to think too much of what they look like (& want to have everything that is "in" this week). In a wierd way, you should be happy. By the middle of high school, she will be wearing you out the other direction. Needing the latest hair trends, foot apparel, clothing (EVEN CERTAIN UNIFORM CLOTHING IS COOL AND NOT COOL). It is a stage and she may take a few days, weeks, or even months to get into the "proper" hygene habits, but she will. In the meantime, you need to be the Mom and egg her on. Pretty soon she will care too much. Believe me. I don't think you need to over anaylize her, UNLESS she continues to never care about her appearance. Personally, I think she is in a normal range for such habits. Playing is more inportant at this age. Primping will come very soon, even for most Tomboys.

It sounds like she may be having some self esteem issues. 12 is a difficult age. Is she a tomboy?

My DD is 7 so I have a much younger. We frequently take girl days and go have our nails done, have our hair styled and hit the mall. It's amazing how a few new headbands, earrings and just some one on one mom girl time insures that she really helps to take care of herself.

I am going through this with my little sister who is also twelve. She is also just now starting 7th grade. I feel that she is now just learning what it is to be a young lady.
I had a casual talk with her,when she came over the other day, about how her body is changing and how to take care of herself. (My mother doesnt have these talks with her, so I feel I should help her) When she comes over I just give her a few tips and reminders. She is coming out of the child stage and now is just learning how to take care of her changing body. I takes alot of encouragement because I look back and remember how awkward those times were when everything was changing.
I would help her by maybe getting a new cute hairstyle that is easier for her to fix, or show her cute and easy ways to fix up her hair, maybe it will excite her and motivate her to start taking better care of herself. I know when I helped my sister with her hair and showed her how easy and fast it was to fix up, she got a bit excited and a little more confident. I hope I helped a little bit.

Has your daughter always been this way or has this just started? Do you spend a lot of time with her and pay attention to her? Maybe if u don't this is her way of trying to get your attention. If you do pay enough attention to her maybe she is in depression about something and maybe u should take her to her doctor or to a counselor and see what they say because most people who don't care about their appearance may be suffering from depression or some other mental issues.

We have the same issue with my 11 year old step son. We are scared that he is considered the "stinky kid". The problem is, he lives full time with his mother, who is the exact same way. We are aware that he has self esteem issues, and when he is at our house (every other weekend) we show a lot of positive reinforsement. Since he does not have a care in the world to brush his teeth, wash his hands, put clean clothes on, etc, we have started a chart of what he is to do. After years of battling this, I finally put my foot down to my husband and said no more babying him. He follows this at our house, but ofcourse not at his mom's (not yet). At least he is some what aware of what is expected of him. We dont give him chores, cleaning himself is he chore. After a couple of weekends of him doing this correctly, we go somewhere as a family that he picks as a reward. I hope this helps for ya.

I have a 9 year old step daughter that is the same way, but it's because her mother sets a poor example. She does not wash with soap or shampoo when she finally does take a shower, she seldom combs her hair, doesn't brush her teeth, and those feet smell like old roadkill. It's causing a lot of problems in my home when she visits because we have an 8 month old baby and the step-daughter will not keep her filth off my baby and out of my baby's mouth! My husband is afraid to make her bathe when she comes over because he's afraid she'll get upset and will want to go home and not come back (which is a common occurrence). I also thought about telling her that all of her little girlfriends are talking about her behind her back hoping that would encourage some effort with hygiene, but I don't think she would care. However, I DO think that telling her that the boys are talking about her hygiene behind her back, and telling her they won't like her because she's dirty and smells, will have an impact. These little girls at this age are awfully concerned about the little boys!

K.,

There are books put out by American Girl with different issues for girls. I think they have them at Wal mart and I know they have them at Target and other book stores. Try that approche. Best of luck to you.

I was a lot like your daughter at that age and didn't really get into being a "girl" until I started high school. It's not a depression or low self esteem thing, it's just the transition time from child to teenager.

And really, girls are going to find something to pick on eachother about regardless, that's part of growing up.

I have heard this before... I am not sure why some girls move into that slower- but unfortunately you are so right about the other girls and the things they might say. We have a great cosmetic line and skin care line. Maybe if we got together and did a facial(with both of you) and experimented with some light make up etc...I may be able to engage her in conversation about some of the issues. I have a daughter who is 14 and going to be a freshman. I could share some of the things I have told her...sometimes it sounds different coming from another person. Just a suggestion...feel free to email me... ____@____.com You are doing great Mom! :) S.