Dating After Divorce - Albuquerque,NM

Unless there was something specific in your divorce he has no right to add limits. My ex tried stuff like that, I just ignored him. The only time I was ever concerned was when he started interrogating the kids and then I explained that the language of the decree does prohibit him from doing that.

I can tell you my ex was a cheater and never dreamed he would be the one alone. It was that that drove his behavior, not any love or concern for me. As he said do you know how much it hurts me that you are happy and I am alone? I wanted to ask him, do you think I care but I didn't. I fumbled through it but I tried to be nice.

Fact is you have every right to date and he needs to get over it.

Not that you live in Illinois but in light of Barb's response I felt I should explain first right of refusal. That does not mean if you go to the store and get a sitter you must call your ex and ask him first before getting a sitter. The time period, per Illinois, is four hours or longer. Per my decree from Missouri it is set at 10 hours because my ex is a pain and if I want to hire a sitter for work I shouldn't have to deal with his games.

You need to ignore the heck out of this man. Boy, what cahoonas he has - cheats on you and is now upset that you have a boyfriend. What a hypocritical jerk.

You are doing everything right. Stand up for yourself and don't let him boss you around. Don't tell him anything about you and your boyfriend unless you announce your engagement. Nothing about your relationships is any of his business.

i don't think your ex has any right to make that sort of demand of you. but since you're fortunate (and smart) enough to have maintained such cordiality between you thus far, it's probably wise not to rock the boat, at least until lines in the sand HAVE to be drawn. as you say, it's not like you're planning on leaving your kids with your BF anyway.
i'd keep things very calm and courteous with the ex, but don't cave or waffle. something along the lines of 'the kids don't spend time alone with ___ at this point in time. any time they stay with anyone other than you or me, we both make sure it's with someone safe and trustworthy, don't we?'
it honestly sounds more about controlling you than concern for the kids.
khairete
S.

he's demonstrating that typical male "ownership" attitude. "can't bear to think of me with someone else" - get used to it. you're divorced. he needs to see a shrink and move on with his life.

legally, i have no clue. morally, he is putting you through drama for his own selfish insecure reasons, and he needs to check himself.

i'm sorry you're going through that and i wish you luck.

You lost me when you said you are dating someone seriously enough that you thought your ex should know. Why? I get it if you are engaged or plan to marry your new BF but if not it is really none of his business. Were you trying to make him jealous on some level? If not, I suggest you keep your private life, private. Best of luck.

" this made me wonder if my ex has the right to state who my kids can spend time with or be watched by?"

Generally, no. There are occasions where there is a court order, but that is usually in the case of a proven detriment to the safety or well being of the children.

It is not uncommon for someone's previously-amicable ex to start being a pill when the other starts dating.

If nothing is stated in your divorce decree, then he has to take you back to court to get it amended.

My decree didn't state anything about having boyfriends or girlfriends around child but it did say that we were not allowed to ask the child questions about the other parent; although my ex didn't follow it.

Good luck with co-parenting

Dating after divorce can be tricky for all involved. I would sit down with your ex and try and come up with some agreed upon guidelines. All the guidelines should be based on what is best for the kids. I also recommend being careful with the children's feelings. I wouldn't have them get close to anyone until you know it is serious. I say all this based on the pain my niece and nephew went through after their parent's divorce.

State of Illinois just passes a law that if a parent needs a sitter or care taker they must give the other parent right of refusal to do that care before getting other childcare. Don't know what your state law looks like.

He has the right to express concern, but not to dictate your actions unless there is a specific rule in the divorce/custody papers.

If your divorce is already final, you have a custody order. What does it say? If doesn't say anything, than no, he doesn't have a say.

That being said, why did you feel like making it his business unless you felt his input was warranted? Seems like the reason to TELL your ex about your new boyfriend is so that he CAN weigh in about the role that man plays with your children. If he doesn't have a say, it wasn't any of his business and it was in bad taste to mention it to him at all.

T.

You are very smart and thoughtful - great idea to handle it gently. He is obviously sad he messed up. You were smart to tell him BTW of course kids will say evrything!

I didn't feel the need to tell my ex when I started dating. Not sure why you thought he needed to know.
But he has no say in who your kids spend time with unless he can prove that they are in danger.