What to Do, Have No Idea ..... Need Some Advice Asap

You need to have him sign a Waiver as soon as possible. Then you can follow up with the rest of the papers.

You should tell the person you are dating because things could get really serious with them and then you have to break the news that you were married and are going thru a divorce. Just be honest that's the best way to go. And on the divorce process you can go to the library they have books on the process.

I know nothing about the divorce part, but in my opinion you need to tell the new guy everything. Holding back does not set a good tone for a relationship.

I don't know anything about the divorce business, but I will say this, YOU HAVE TO TELL THE GUY YOU ARE DATING THE TRUTH!!!! Goodness woman, if a guy was dating some lady, and didn't bother to tell her he was STILL MARRIED, albeit seperated, we'd all hang him from a tree!! Starting a relationship based on lies will NEVER WORK. He WILL find out, you cannot hide something like this forever, and if he finds out later rather than sooner, if he is normal/decent, he will be gone for good. So do the right thing, tell him the truth. He has the RIGHT to know, and the RIGHT to decide if he wants to pursue this further under the present circumstances. You DON'T have the right to make that decision for him. (Which is what you are doing by lying to him)

Good luck to you...

Hi D.,

I don't have any advice for you about how to file yourself, but judging by the fact that you are on this board I'm assuming children are involved. I think it is important to have a well hashed out agreement about the kids. This agreement can make or break your future freedom to follow your dreams in life.

About the new guy, D., you're setting your relationship up for failure if you don't tell him everything now. I would never feel comfortable dating someone in the middle of a divorce b/c they are still married (I'm speaking from experience, not judgement) and he deserves the right to make decisions about his heart. He might be OK with it. If you do not tell him, though, you set yourself up for two bad reprocussions:

1. Your new guy will think you're a liar and end the relationship

2. Your husband can charge you with adultry and use it against you in divorce court/ custody battles.

Think it over, D.. and I wish you the best of luck.

Your dating is none of his business! no need to tell, he said go ahead and get the divorce, so he gave up his "right to know". As far as the divorce, I did it myself, I wish I could remember all of the details, but i do remember that i went to the public library and copied the pages I needed from thier big book! I did have to go to court, and stand before a judge and read a statement to him. The cost was minimal. My ex came to court too, and we signed all of the docs. there. we had a waiting period of a few months and then it was final. wish I could tell you more, but it was pretty easy with the exception, of the fact that i missed a doc. the first time and had to go back a second time once i got it. Best of luck!

D., I was a legal assistant for years and sorry to tell you but you will need to go to court to finalize. Definitely if you have children and property get and attorney, don't try to do this on your own. If you don't have any of that, you can call the courthouse and see if they have a PRO SE clinic to help you do it on your own. If you do, an attorney will do all the necessary paperwork for you and if he doesn't fight the divorce you just have to go to court to finalize, you will be waiting longer to get into the courtroom than there IF THERE IS NO FIGHT.
The other issue, don't hide this from your current "friend". I know your worried about what he may say but hiding it will cause trust issues and that is no way to have a relationship with anyone.

D.,

There is a very easy way to do this. My girlfriend did it a
couple of years ago when she needed to divorce her husband. She went online and ordered a kit that when it was sent to her, all she had to do was fill out the paper work, take it up to the courthouse, and have it filed. The kit itself was about $40 I believe, and I don't remember how much the court filing costs were (not much compared to an attorney). Once she had it filed in court, they took care of everything else.

Good Luck. Hope this helps.

THis sounds very very similar to my situation several years ago (minus the kids). You can file for divorce and finalize without a lawyer. HOWEVER, if you have kids or assets, I don't advise it. We had one property and I tried to make a deal without going to a lawyer and he wouldn't budget. Although it cost me about $1K, I really think it was well worth it.

I did not go through all the responses so I may repeat them, but I filed my own divorce with one child involved(Texas).You can get the paper work from a book that your local library may have on hand. As long as the divorce is uncontested and if there are children you both agree on support. Fort Bend County Library in Richmond, Tx. has the legal book you need to make copies from. Oh yes, tell the other guy, and if he flees you probably don't need a relationship for a little while. Give yourself some alone time to sort out how you feel without distractions.

I know the procedure for Harris County, write me back, I know alot of people have responded!

If the marriage was legal, the divorce must also be legal...this means that you need to go to court.

I was divorced in Colorado so there may be some differences, but the situation was similar (it wasn't contested). It went something like this...I picked up an application (petition) at the county court house and filled it out. I also had to write out a separation agreement that addressed certain requirements (e.g., division of marital assets, alimony & child support agreements, did I want to take back my maiden name, custody of pets and children (we didn't have any), etc...). We both signed both documents and filed them at the court house...there was a small fee. Then they scheduled a court date...that was the only thing that kept it from being "quick"...we had to wait a few months for an opening in the court dockets.

The hearing itself was short and sweet...my ex didn't even show up. The judge asked me a couple of questions ("is the marriage irretrievably broken") and issued the divorce decree.

I would be VERY careful about even having a boyfriend and certainly about telling your ex about him. If your ex decides to play rough, your decision to commit adultery (even if you aren't actually having sex, you can't prove it!) could complicate the divorce...and your ex could drag him into the divorce! I met someone while I was separated but refused to date him until my divorce was final just in case my ex decided to go psycho on me!

don't jump right back in. you'll go for the attributes your 1st husband did not have and then you could ignore other things; due to not being as bad as the first husband. take care of you first.

2nd - be upfront and tell the other person. for yourself and them.

My sister in law divorced my brother by doing all the paperwork herself. Go online to see what you need to do but I would think in your situation with kids it might be more of a challenge. A mediator would be less expensive as well. The last thing I would do is tell your husband that you are seeing someone and it would be appropriate to tell the new man you are married. And how did you find someone to date in a couple of months when I've been divorced for 5 years and haven't found anyone? I do not know your personal situation but I do know how difficult a divorce can be on kids as well as yourself. It's nice to know that there is someone there you can lean on but it might be better to wait to get into another relationship until you are out of the one you are in. I am a single parent so I know how hard it is although you never mention if there are kids, how old they are and how many. Rely on friends and devote time to your kids because they will need your attention.

Call legal aid, and tell you new friend what is going on, better now. If he is really interested in you he will understand. If not then you will see him as he is before going to far. Good luck with both.

I am sure you can find something on the internest. Can't remember the name of the site. But we have used it for several legal papers.

You can file the paperwork yourself, you'll need to go to the library and get copies of the paperwork or you can try this site http://www.smarter.com It's been 6 years since I had to do this so if you go to the library you may have to ask where to get the papers. You should only have to go file at the court house, then go to court (with or without his signature and he doesn't have to be there either). There is a 60-90 day waiting period. To your second question: I was in your same boat and I never mentioned it to my then boyfriend and he never found out. Good luck!

Yes, there is a way you and your husband can get a divorce and do it yourselves. I don't know how to get there, but there is a website that can help you. (I know because I know of someone who did it). You can decide how you want to distribute all you assets and can just present your papers to a judge. I am assuming that since you didn't mention it, there are no children.
As for the new boyfriend, you've already begun to deceive him by not letting him know you are still married. If you tell him now you might be home free, but if you wait for him to find out from someone else (and, believe me, he will) you're fried. Wouldn't you want him to be honest with you?

Dear D.,

I am not answering your question, but offering unsolicited advice because I care about you even though we have never met. I speak from the voice of experience. By the time I was 34, I was on my third marriage. Already dating someone else before you've unloaded the baggage from the marriage relationship is setting you up for another failed relationship. Take some time to figure out who you are and what you want in life. If you have never lived independently, do that. You will gain self-confidence and learn a good deal about yourself.

I would assume you once loved your husband and saw something in him that made you feel complete and likewise, he did the same with you. You know the saying, "opposites attract" and he possesses something you admire and lack and you possess something he admires and lacks.

Now you are at odds and divorce is the solution the two of you have chosen. It may repulse you to consider that you are each other's healer. You may move on to another relationship, but whatever it is you subconsciously seek you will keep searching for.

Marriage or any long-term relationship is a committment. It's hard work. If we desire a lifelong relationship we must choose to work through the difficult times.

If you have had a best friend since childhood, then you know there are times you're angry with her, can't stand her, and you want to write her off, but she's worth too much to give up.

I wish you well. ~ B.

This is what I did, D.. I filed for divorce and needed to show up in court, BUT he does not need to be there. You can take your boyfriend and not worry about your soon to be ex-husband. You need your boyfriend with you for support.

Good Luck.

Rosie

Hi D.,

I have done this myself in my first marriage, we didn't have any assets and divided the furniture and bills etc in half so it is put in your legal document of such items...the only thing I didn't think of when I did this was when it came to the garage...I put "all items in garage go to...." didn't realize he actually did take the WHOLE garage...leaving me with no lawn mower or tools and we had a super stero set in there...so, that was my only regret...so make sure it is worded correctly and if you have something special you want to keep...make sure you state it, or put it where he can't find it LOL. To file you must go to the court house and file for divorce, have all the information as where he lives etc...I'm sure you know all his info already. It usually costs about 170.00 or so...once you file,you have 60 days to "think"it over...At the courthouse there is another area where you can pick up legal divorce paperwork and "copy" it to fit your needs. If there isn't any children or property involved where he isn't going to fight it, it is good as done and you don't need a lawyer...If the courthouse doesn't have this paperwork any longer, you can get on off the web. Seriously, if I can find my old one, I'll send it to you. I'm actually going to have to use this again myself, we almost seem to be in the same boat, I'm dating too, but was up front from the get go...because I have a child now too and my soon to be ex have been separated so long, it was time to begin dating...anyhoo, as for the last part of your question, I can't tell you, but you know that honesty is the best part of a relationship...is there any reason why you didn't tell him in the first place?
Why is it you think the new person won't understand? Has it come up before about you being married? Usually that is one of the first questions in any relationship?
Only you can decide on this...how would you feel if he had the same secret? Or a different secret...

Let me know if you have any more questions..You will need some of the documents notorized,,,I got mine done at our bank..I believe that is it...have all your accounts listed with account numbers, in of the house stuff or electric stuff in your name...Just remember anything you guys have together, because if it isn't listed he could nail you on it later...not fun. The judge will ask you if you are pregnant...Oh, and you both don't have to go to the courthouse in 60 days...You go before the judge and you read out loud a paragraph, he'll ask you a few questions, like are you pregnant etc...it is very emotional...take someone with you ( I wish i had and will do so for this one)...I hated that part of it all...horrible day for sure...(just thought you should know)

Take care D.,
write me back after reading this novel should you have questions!
Gina

Don't have any suggestions about the divorce, but I DO know one thing. If you want your relationship with this new person to be successful, you MUST tell him the truth. If it scares him away, better to know now than after the relationship has become more serious.

D.,I would tell the truth. It maybe going great now,what if he finds out on his own. He will not be happy that you kept this info from him. In fact he may not want to see you any more. Good Luck!!!

I really don't know anything about divorce, but I THINK you can do it online. Also, I would NOT tell him you are seeing someone. If you think about it, what good would that do?

Im sorry. I completely misread the request..and now I dont know how to delete my answer..haha.

About the divorce, I'm not sure what state you're in, so it all depends on THAT as far as how long it will take to get the divorce. I know that in Texas, for a simple divorce, you go to court twice. And it takes three months.

I also agree with the other women, you must tell the guy you're dating that you're still legally married. It is only fair to him that he knows what he's getting into. The whole truth so that you can start your relationship with the truth and not lies or half truths. If he really likes you, he will understand,, and if he doesn't, then he might take off... good luck and let us know what happens.

Always be honest. Don't start a relationship with secrets. When my parents split it was amicable and they did it with an arbitration. Much cheaper.

D.

If you and your future ex-husband can agree on the matter of "what's yours is yours, what's mine is mine" then you can goto the courthouse and fill out paperwork and requests for a no contest (I think that's what it's called) divorce. It's $100 plus filing fees and then you're done. But, of course, there is also the matter of the children, custody, visitation, and child support. This process ALONE will mean going to court every other month (practically) for a year or two (depending on if you have a lawyer, if/how/when you both can come to some sort of agreement. But if you're going through the AG you'll spend forever going to court and the judge not having time to see your case). My best advise if much easier said than done, but here it is: have your ex meet you somewhere public (this is only if you two fight everytime you try to talk and meeting in public works because neither of you want to fight and make a spectical of yourselves in from a room full of strangers), agree to work this out the best you can during this meeting, take notes on what you're agreeing on and both inital EACH thing (this is helpful when going to court), but the hardest part of all is BOTH of you trying to find a way to be civil with one another FOR YOUR KIDS SAKE! Divorce is hard enough on children, but I promise you it will make a lifetime of difference for your children if you can be civil. There is a class my daughters dad and I had to take called: For Kids Sake, and if you really listen and pay attention to what they're saying you'll realize how much easier it will make things. I'm not trying boast or rub anything in anyones face, but Aaron and I were going through a disgustingly nasty custody battle and when we noticed how negatively it was affecting our daughter, even though at the time she was only 3, we decided to work together so her life as our child wouldn't be painful for her. Now, we co-parent very well together, and it's nice knowing you're not doing things alone.
As for your boyfriend... you should definately tell him soon, he might be pretty upset that you withheld this vital information from him already... but the longer you wait the worse he'll respond. GOOD LUCK!

Not sure if you mean your husband dosent know about the other guy or if the other guy dosent know about your divorce??? If its the dating guy yes be honest. If he is worth your while he will accept you for how you are. I did my own divorce borrowed some one elses papers and filed. I did have to go to court and be granted my divorce and file the papers. No biggie. But my first marriage I didnt have any kids with him. Its a lot to take on at once a divorce and a new relationship. I know that I cannot handle that situation. Also I needed time to morn the death of my first marriage. Good luck hope this helps. - Dont mean to sound judgemental just saying its gonna get hard hope you have some great girlfriends around.

You will still need to file paper work with the court and appear before a judge but only for a couple minutes. If he's as willing as he says he is and property isn't an issue than it will be easy enough. What I did was I went on line and found the cheapest program that will help you fill out all the paper work that needs to be filled out. These on line programs will just ask you questions and it fills in the blank for you. Most of them you can fill out and then when you are happy with it and are ready to print it is when you pay them. I'm trying to remember if I went and filed this paperwork at the courthouse or if it was something else that I filed that they gave me to file first. Either way you can look on line for the Travis County Court House and there will be a phone number for information. Once you file you will have to wait 30 days to see the judge. When I met up there with my ex we saw a women who went over our paper work and made a few corrections in the wording and then we went before the judge. You will hear rumors of people being sent to counseling but if you both just go in there and swear that you both want this divorce it will be quick and painless. I think it cost around $300 bucks when you go file your paperwork. I would say make sure he pays half of the filing fee BEFORE you go and file other wise the paper work will get harder and you may run into other problems before the judge.

It's pretty sad to think that you can pay a small amount and wait 30 days and be divorced that easily but it is true.

As for dating you do need to tell your new guy that you are going through a divorce. Unless you are just "playing" with him if he finds out after the fact he will probably start wondering what else you didn't tell him. Guys are simple sometimes and he might look at your omission of the truth as a lie and not want to get involved with a liar. As for your current husband, you are "legally" separated you are still married and if he decides to get stinky he could use it against you. After you file your paper work you will be in the free and clear legally but I still wouldn't tell him. At this point it's none of his business and if your only doing it to hurt him a little it sounds like it won't work since he's the one pushing for the divorce. I recommend just watching your P's and Q's and not doing anything to upset the balance for the 30 days that you have to wait to finalize the divorce. If you still feel compelled to tell your soon to be ex your dating tell him after you walk out of the courthouse but you need to tell the new man about all this today!

Good luck!

I don't know anything about your marriage or separation. But, as a child of parents who divorced- avoid it if you can. A couple of months isn't that long, especially if you are avoiding each other. Divorce isn't always the answer, sometimes it creates bigger problems. Jumping into a new relationship, when you haven't resolved things with someone you had a commitment to may just make things more complicated. Again, I don't know anything about you or your husband or family, I just know my parents look back and see the mistakes they made and how so much heartache could have been avoided, but because they were to proud at the time to turn back and both rushed into new relationships, it was to late when they realized these mistakes.

Not sure about the divorce, but in regards to if you should tell your new guy.....I would say YES. Don't start something off by keeping secrets. If it is meant to be then it will be. This would be kind of a test to see where he is at and how dedicated he is to your relationship going further. If he is a good guy, he will understand and respect that you didn't want to keep something so important from him out of respect.
Your seperation is still new and it is easy to jump into something else to avoid dealing with the feelings or being alone. The end of a marriage is kind of like a death, give yourself time to mourn.
Best of luck....