Dating Advice: What Would You Do in This Situation. Need Sound Advice ASAP

Oh, call him already!!

My dad, who had been widowed for five years, was visiting friends in Texas (from MN) went out one night and talked with several women, danced with a few, was impressed with one, and didn't get her number but found out she lived 20 miles from him here in MN. My dad's not overly shy, but for some reason, just didn't take that step.

He didn't do another thing about it. One night he was watching TV alone (which he did WAY too much of) and out of the blue a car drives up and it is her and a girlfriend "just stopping by..." . They had a very nice eight year marriage before we lost my dad to heart disease. If she had waited for him to call, he would have died lonely.

Take a chance, call him. Make it casual and OK for him to say yes or no.

Have you heard of the book called something like..."He's just not that into you"?

I saw the author of the book on Oprah one day and he made a good point. IF he was really truly interested in you and wanted to go out with you, he would have made an immediate effort. I'm not saying he's NOT attracted to you. All I'm saying is IF he really wanted more than just a smile across the room, you would have already been on several dates with him.

Life is short. If you like him and its obvious he likes you, ASK HIM. Invite him for a glass of wine the worst that could happen is you wouldn't click and you wouldn't see him again. The best that could happen is well, whatever you really really want to happen! Go for it~

Well for Heaven's Sake! Sadie Hawkins (if she were a real person) would roll over in her grave!

You're a grown up woman, he's a grown up man. If you desire his company send him a text and ask him already! All this guessing why, what happened, what's he thinking.....makes me nuts.

If he says sure, I'll be there in an hour, how cool is that? If he says he can't or if he blows you off, well nothing gained, nothing lost. But there'll be no more wondering wistfully.

Go for it.

:)

Reminds me of the movie, "He's just not that into you."

If he was into you and not playing games especially at that age, he would pursue you.

Like others have said leave it alone.

UPDATED
I read your SWH. There really is no need to shed tears. Go and get or rent the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You." It will make you laugh, cry (for a reason) and give you some good well needed insight.

I'm in my mid 40's and have worked all these years on my wounded ego and bruised pride and sured up my confidence. While I am married it took me a very long time to get here and when I was on the dating scene I never shed a teenage like tear over some joker not interested in me. I'm the woman and I get to choose. My mother always taught me be interested in those men that are interested in you. It took me a long time to understand that and to get it. So I say the same thing to you. Please cheer up and don't lament one moment over this one that is leaving you open for someone who is interested in you.

i would bet he's interested in someone else (he may have met this person after your first meeting) if he didnt take the time to invite you over with his friends or ever text you back and also asked to be friends. he probably J. doesnt want it to be akward in social settings if he blows you off.

I'd say forget about him and find a better guy=)

You have to be able to risk being a fool. If you spend your whole life waiting for sure things you are going to wait a long time.

I would ask him over.

I asked my husband out first. Here was this great guy, one in a million, and I am going to let him go because there is a chance I will feel a fool? I figured it would be more foolish to let him go.
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I didn't think of the he may have met someone since you exchanged numbers. Still the worst that will happen is he says no or tells you the truth he is seeing someone.

No, do not call him. He didn't contact you after he put his number in your phone then followed up (only after you initiating it) with a "let's be friends" that gives you your answer. He's not interested. There seemed to be something in your initial conversation but, for whatever reason, something has changed for him since then. If you pursue him further it will be awkward and you will begin to look desperate. Once a guy says "let's be friends" that means he's not going to contact you and you should not contact him. He gave you the em address to make himself feel better.

My thought is that even the most shy men are "action oriented". If he wanted to ask you out, he would have done so by now. I agree with the others- let it go and enjoy a glass of wine with someone who returns your interest in an active way.

"He asked if we could be friends."

That's a nice way of saying, "I like you, but not like that." You deserve someone who is truly into you, and not hot one night...and cold every other time you see him. You deserved to be fawned over :) Move on, there is someone better for you.

Int he future, if YOU like someone...ask them out!! You have to work for what you want sometimes.

Well, he did say he wanted to be friends...that's all. I think you want more than he does after all. I am not sure why he made the move and then backed off, but he did. I must agree, move on.

Sorry C. P.

He gave you his answer loud and clear......"he asked if we could be friends..."
He never asked you out again or made plans.

If you can keep things clear and separate and understand he wants friendship, nothing more, ask him over for the wine.

Hell no. He's either a player or an idiot. You already responded that you'd like to go out a long time ago. He's had plenty fo chances since then to ask you. Then he asked if you could be friends? It doesn't sound like he's interested in actually dating. Why would your friends say to call him already? You did initiate last night even after not hearing from him after your first meeting. Sorry. But I would definitely not contact him again and wouldn't be hoping he'll get in touch either.

ETA: He had a girlfriend when he asked for your number the first time?? He's a jerk! Imagine how she'd feel if she knew. I know it's disappointing so I'm sorry but sounds like you can do better.

I see this as him being maybe 60 and asking to be friends is a nice thing. Asking him out for a glass of wine is a friendly thing to do. You can ask him if he would like to get to know each other as friends of course and see where it goes. What do you have to lose?

He sounds childish and as if he is a player. I would leave it alone. At this point, any more contact from you would seem desperate.

ETA - the fact that you've never had a normal conversation tells me he's not interested. Why are grown adults conducting a relationship via text? It's just weird to me.

all I can thnk is "he's just not that into you." That's why he asked to be friends vs asking for a date.

What's the worst that could happen??? You'll feel like a fool??? He asked for YOUR number origianlly. He wouldn't have done that if he wasn't interested. Invite him for wine. If he says no - his loss and you should not feel like a fool. He might be as anxious as you are. If you wait for him to make the next move, you might be waiting a really long time. If he's not interested, then you know hes not and move on to find someone who is.

good luck!

I'm sure you are swell....but HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

I would let it go. You'll get your heart burned. He has had enough chances to ask you out for wine or coffee.

XO

Maybe he's already involved with someone. I would leave it be.

He's a big boy, if he's interested, he'll ask!

Damn....I thought men would get more mature as they aged and stop playing games. I am saddened that it is just more of the same.
Find a better attractive man!
L.

I am going to offer different advice, since I'm also in my fifties:

Life's short. Why not ask him? HOWEVER, only ask him if you can handle shy or passive guys. Because the only reason he hasn't asked you, unless he just doesn't want to, is because he is shy or passive.

Those are personality traits I have realized I can't stand, so I wouldn't do it. But if you can handle that in a guy, then it's worth asking him, vs. crying. I mean, you have nothing to lose, right?

I would err on the side of caution and invite him or any man to join you for a drink at a nearby spot. Even if you take a bottle of wine and some bread and cheese to a park and meet there.
You don't know him or anything about him. He may be fine or he may be a creepy stalker. I would never invite a man I did not know well to my home. I don't give out my email or instant messenger info, or landline phone number. I only give out my cell number.
I have been single a long time and I have met some great men who I just didn't spark with but I have also met some men who seemed great at first and then became the creepy type.

If it were me, I'd follow his cues.

He may have had something come up between your first friendly encounter and the present. He may be in a space where he can't give a relationship a lot of attention right now, and is doing his best not to lead you on.
At least, that seems more honorable than what a lot of guys would do.:)

I'd just continue to be friendly, but leave it at that unless he actually asks (not talks about asking, but *asks*) you out for a date. Once you've gone on the date, you can then decide if there's any spark.

No, I wouldn't worry about contacting him or invite him over. The whole "friends" and email thing was weird and would have turned me off. Why does he need your email address when he can text/call you anytime... and yet he doesn't even do that? But, if you see him again I wouldn't ignore him... perhaps something is there, maybe, maybe not.