What Are the Rules of Dating ?

Yes, you're over analyzing.

Never let any man (date) compromise who you are and what you believe.

Wow. One text exchange a day, max. Let him call you. Anything more at the early stages of a relationship and you risk getting labeled "high maintenance".

Stop over analyzing, men are not this complicated. If he likes you, he will be back in touch and ask you out again. If he doesn't, there was nothing you could have done differently, just move on.

Rules Of Dating:

1. You are in charge. You say what goes what doesn't go. If something doesn't feel right, go with your gut.

2. Do not let some stranger get to know where you live and pick you up. Always drive your own car and meet them at a public, neutral location.

3. Don't tell your whole life story on the first date. Go have fun and see if you even like the guy or not before telling him anything personal.

4. Don't let your kids meet the guy you are dating-#EVER. (unless you have decided this is prince charming and you are ready for long, long, long-term commitment.) :)

As for the interest level, you let the guy pursue you. Don't accept dates on Thurs for a Friday night. Make him wait a week---tell him you already have plans if he calls that late in the week. You want a man to pursue you for the right reasons and weed out all the ones who are looking for a good time kind of date.

Go to the library and get the book called "The rules" Its a good no nonsense guide to dating that has some good points but I wouldn't follow the book to the T. I don't agree with it all , but you might~

Have fun and be safe. Pull the reins on the texting. Let him call you. Don't call him and stop analyzing. If its meant to work out, it will. But don't let your other fish swim away. You can date him and several others and see what you like before committing. You can date any of these men without having to feel guilty or whatever about it. In this day and age its normal to date a while before committing to any one person.

One more thing--don't tell him you are disappointed that he didn't call on NYE. That is a HUGE red-flag for men/women that equals high-maintainance and drama in the relationship. Its one thing if you were seeing eachother for the past 3 years and he didn't call. But you have been on one date with this fella---give him some room to get to know you and don't tell him you are hurt etc. too much feeling will push him away.

wow, couldn't get through all this.
the communication the week before the date ought to consist of a conversation to set up the date, and if you must text, one or two expressing anticipation of the date. the constant texts would make me a) batty and b) crazy and c) batty and crazy. driving arrangements? good for him for offering to meet you somewhere. no way should a first date know where you live. on the date, if you want to spend it getting to know someone, don't go to a movie. especially a 3 hour one. when are you going to get to know someone during a movie? the non-kiss and post-date communications sound awkward all round.
stop texting and go to one or two phone calls between dates. and no sexting! it's way too soon for that! that is NOT flirting!
khairete
S.

A big part of it is that you just have to exercise that muscle until it gets comfortable. There's nothing wrong at all; you're just not in this habit.

1. I don't subscribe to any rules about how much to talk. I talk when I want to; well, I did when I was dating. It sounds like you guys were just excited for the first date, and then it cooled down. That made it awkward.

2. First date--I would meet him. He doesn't need to know where you live, unless you already knew the guy. Also, you shouldn't be alone with him in his car. Don't make yourself so vulnerable right away; that's a safety issue.

3. That's not old school; it's just good sense not to make out with someone if you're not comfortable doing so. Then and now.

4. First date ends at the venue, not your home. Safety issue...unless you already know him. ("Know him" as in he has already been part of your life, just not a romantic interest.) Why did you invite him in? Were you discussing something and you figured that you'd fix a pot of coffee? Did you feel obligated because the silence was awkward? That is a no. Do not ever compromise your safety or morals or whatever else you got out of a feeling of obligation to make somebody else more comfortable. You're a grown-up and should have your own mind.

5. I grew up with boys and was always pretty comfortable with men, so it was no problem for me to say outright, "Hey, I'm not having that kind of conversation with you. You don't know me like that." You don't have to do the same, but don't allow him to intimidate you. When you're uncomfortable, make an exit. Be in that habit. Just being quiet is okay on the phone, but when you make that your go-to, then you do it in person, as well. What that looks like is you allowing things to happen to your body and mind that you don't like. You just sit/stand/lie there, quiet and motionless, waiting for him to move on. Don't be in that habit; it's not a hard one to fall into.

It's okay that you told him how you felt about wishing that you'd heard from him. That's a good assertive move, but make it only about your feelings. Don't push your expectations onto him and make it about what you think he should have done. You get the difference? You don't know each other, so you don't know if he's a guy who calls and says HNY. You don't know what that means to him, so don't drag him into your expectations. You could have sent him a HNY text just as easily. By putting all the work and pressure on him, you also take action away from yourself. You set yourself up to always sit back and wait on his actions. Neither of you would be happy with that.

He's going on expectations, too. This is why talking--using actual words--is so important. Giving yourselves time to watch how those words manifest in real life is so important, too.

In the meantime, stop allowing everything to make or break the relationship that is yet to even be established. Don't put more thought into it than you would put into anything else that you do. Busy yourself with your life. Date other guys, to exercise that muscle. (Do not be exclusive off the bat.) Go on casual, non-romantic "dates", like in groups at work or with friends. As you get to know and actually like each other (this guy or any other), you'll naturally talk more. If you discover that you don't wish to talk so much, then you naturally fall away from each other. That's how it works. Dating is not meant to interview for marriage or to find a soulmate. Dating is for getting to know yourself and the world you live in. You can make whatever social decisions you want based on what you learn.

ETA: Oh, and always have the means to order whatever you want on the menu and to get yourself home.

And don't base your expectation on assumption. Talk.

Ya got me. Texting pretty much didn't exist when I last was dating.

The only one I feel any confidence responding to specifically is #2, the driving arrangements. I think it is fairly common for women to ask to meet somewhere on a first date. Not that it would be inappropriate to do otherwise, but it is pretty common I think. So it sounds to me as if he was being open to whatever YOU wanted. Some women are more comfortable providing their own transportation and meeting at a restaurant, so if the date doesn't go well, she has control of the situation and can just get up an leave or whatever.

As for the rest of it, I think you sound almost like you are in high school. WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY overthinking it.

But hey, what do I know? I've been married since 1996.

ETA: also, don't you have a young daughter? If he knows that, he may also be trying to respect your wishes regarding being introduced to her. Many people find it highly inappropriate to introduce a first date (or even after several dates) to their young children. That is usually (hopefully) reserved for later on when/if the relationship becomes something more certain and long term.

I haven't read your entire post. I read enough to agree with you that you're over analyzing. There are no rules for dating. Be yourself. Do what you want that fits in with your value system. Treat him the same way you'd treat a new friend that's a girl. If you don't understand something ask him what he means.

(re: the 3 hour movie: My granddaughter and friend and I went to see Les Miserables and then my daughter and I went to see The Hobbit. Both are nearly 3 hours long. We talked about the 3 hours for a couple of days before we decided to go. I think you were reading too much into his comment. 3 hour movies are unusual and a topic of conversation)

As to how often you communicate. Infrequently at the beginning is good. All too often one or the other push for everyday and even more often communication which usually leads to getting too involved too soon, before you actually know each other even a little and that leads to disappointment or being so involved that one doesn't use appropriate caution,

I would wonder why he's saying he's going to call when he doesn't. I would be cautious about his honesty and ability to make ordinary and everyday commitments. He seems to be saying he wants more involvement without being willing to follow thru. That is a red flag for me.

Always keep in mind that you're a good person who deserves to be treated with respect. Act in a manner that will earn respect. And be cautious about serious commitments too soon.

I was dating in my 50s and 60's. Old school is OK. It works. And when that's what you're used to you'll be more comfortable following old school ideas. If he isn't comfortable with old school, he may not be the right person to date. Talk about what you want and expect to see if you can work it out. This is a good test for what kind of a relationship you'll have. I expect the man to meet me half way too. When they insist on moving too fast I pull back. I've been hurt by going along with fast. Never has a fast moving relationship lasted longer than 2-3 months.

I would also have reservations about someone who tells me how I feel, which sounds like what he's doing. It seems to me to indicate that they have a need to be in control, are insecure, and are unable to allow me to feel my own feelings. I find that attitude pushy and disrespectful.

It doesn't matter if the guy is interested. They will stop calling if they aren't. You can be interested but shouldn't get invested in having the relationship continue until you get to know each other. That way, you'll be disappointed but not hurt.

For me the first month is get to know each other time. Kisses perhaps but not more. Be friends first. If the guy can't wait, he's not for me. I've found over the years that sex only complicates emotions and makes it hard to be realistic about a relationship.

Okay, wow ... when did non stop texting determine the base of a relationship?

Slow down, keep your wits about you and do not get caught up with someone you have been on less than 10 dates with.

Regarding the driving thing - it is ALWAYS better to drive yourself OR have cab money on you because guys are expecting something in return these days ie: Sex. Not all, but enough that it is now a general rule of thumb.

Allow a date to be themselves, while you are as well, and do not put pressure on the kiss. I am sure that he is confused on when it will be right due to your communications on your values and morals.

My general rule of thumb, no but hurtness during the dating process ... if you are only dating you are getting to know each other and communications of things you do/don't like are to be done in person. So if you went on another date after NYE then say something like ... "How was your NYE, I had a great time but a Happy New Year's from you would have been the icing ;)" or something flirty along those lines. Your text about being dissapointed is a big turn off.

I suggest you take some time and write down what you are expecting, what you are/are not willing to have and go from there.

I also suggest you not put too much weight in a text - some people of today's world still find them annoying and bothersome. Personally, I would be a bit creeped if a guy texted me more than confirmation of our plans between dates.

You throw a lot of hahaha's into your writing - do you do the same with your speech? Nervous laughter can make some people uncomfortable or unsure of what you really mean. Perhaps the reason he's all over the map is that he's getting signals from you that are all over the map and isn't sure how to respond.
As for dating, the rules are whatever the two of you agree they should be,
Communication - I absolutely HATE talking on the phone -would much rather text, email , or PM. But even when I was in a relationship with someone, I didn't need or want to hear from him every day.
I've had guys pick me up, I've picked them up, and I've met them out. It all depends on the circumstances.
I don't make out during movies. Movie tickets are expensive, and I'm damn well going to get my money's worth out of one. I can make out for free at home.
If you wanted a kiss, why didn't you move to kiss him? A lot of your actions seem to be attempts to subtly hint at him that you want something. Unless you're dating The Amazing Karnac, he can't read your mind. If you want something, then say so clearly.
Don't do the playing hard to get/making him chase you bit. If you're interested, say so. If you want to go out, go, even if it's a last-minute invitation. If you want to talk, call him, don't sit and wait for him to call, and don't call him to ask why he didn't call. Call and have an actual conversation.

datingwithdignity.com Their "dating den" videos are excellent.

you can also google "eharmony dating advice" for lots of articles to help you get started dating again.

Good luck and have fun!

Oh good Lord. I have a headache just reading this, and I'm very glad that I'm not dating.

I don't think texting is conducive to developing relationships and really shouldn't be a primary means of communication for anyone. TALK to the guy. In person, or over the phone every few days. Texting in a new relationship is for teenagers (and it doesn't work well for them either).

Way to much thinking...

It's not that complicated, just go with the flow. Do and say what feels right and leave it at that. If he likes you he'll come back for more, if he doesn't, move on to the next one.

You didn't mention if this was someone that you met on-line, a casual acquaintance, a fix-up, and that makes a difference. If this is somoene you don't know (anyone you "meet" on-line), you should meet somewhere public vs allowing them to come to your house.

As far as texting, I wouldn't read anything into it, especially if he works, has kids and is otherwise fairly busy in life. For me personally I'd rather not receive a bunch of texts through the day, and there's a fine line between being attentive and being annoying. I wouldn't read much into it. I also wouldn't read much into not kissing on a first date...it's a first date, a lot of people do not do that.

It's good to flirt a bit, as long as you aren't doing that to the point that getting to know who you are is not being overshadowed by flirting and getting too involved in sexual innunedo. If you think a guy is not into you, it is very likely that he is not all that into you. A bit of sexual innuendo can make him interested for a bit, but that doesn't make a relationship or mean genuine interest. If this feels too forced already, nothing wrong with moving on...dating shouldn't have to be so hard.

After I got divorced, I didn't date for a year. And then when I did, it was so HARD! I hated it! Since I was 40 at the time, I was dating divorced men of the same age who also had kids. It seemed so hard to get a time when we could just go out without the kids being involved (didn't want them meeting the kids until we were serious). After about 2 months of going on several dates with several men and chatting with several more, I just said, "forget it!!!" I decided to just concentrate on my business and kids. Then literally that Friday, an aquaintance I had met about 3 months before called me regarding work and casually asked me out. That was 5 years ago and we have been happily married for 3. So my advice is to just relax. When a man is REALLY interested in you, he will come after you. You have heard that saying, "he just isnt' that interested in you?" Well, when he is, you know it. That's what happened with me. My husband lived 45 minutes from me but he made me a priority. I didn't have to wonder if I would hear from him or not. lol So just take it easy. Usually you know right away if you are interested in him or not. If not, just let it go and move on to someone else. You will find someone again. Good luck!

#1 - It doesn't mean he doesn't like you, just that you're not currently a fixture in his daily life. That is okay, he shouldn't be yours at this point either. When you have a date planned - time/place set - you don't need to talk all the time in between. Save up your words until you're together.

#2 - Asking you about your preference was extremely considerate towards you and covered both the modern and traditional bases.

#3 - Making a joke does not translate into actually intending to make out in a theater. Only teenagers and rude people make out in theaters. You didn't say he made a move, so I'm guessing you need to try to take things in context and not jump to conclusions.

#4 - Inviting your date into your home instead of saying goodnight at the door is often an invitation for more than talking. It sounds like he handled it fine, and your awkward hug was okay too.

#5 - He isn't your boyfriend at this stage. He isn't obligated to call you on New Years or other occasions. Neither of you should text when drinking or hungover. In general, texting is one of the modern things that makes dating harder when you're getting to know someone. I suggest you do it infrequently and stick to in-person and voice talking.

I think you need to relax and take this more casually. Don't worry about 'rules' as much as you consider your own behavior and reactions.

relax. be yourself. be more confident. don't overdo texting and be too clingy. But be warm and flirty if you feel comfortable.

Go out to dinner and talk and do something fun that involves interaction that you both like to do. Like karaoke? or bowling? Or a bike ride? Or a walk? I don't know you and I don't know your interests. So its up to you. But something where you can get to know one another.

:-)

I like a lot of what Living Life and Loving It wrote. I second go to the library and get the book, "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Guys like the chase and if you make it too easy for them then they lose interest. He was obviously interested at first then his interest waned. Make him work for you. Be mysterious and make him think that many guys are interested in you without saying anything. I am sure there are some people who are skeptic with this advice. But, I have sat back and watched some women who appear desperate and chase men and they are usually single and alone.