Dads??? - Draper,UT

Don't worry. Dads bond with children differently than moms. As she gets older and becomes more active, he will interact with her more.

You need not worry at all, not at all, but here is a suggestion for something that he might like, even if he is a little in awe of her and maybe afraid to hold her: Have him relax in a comfy armchair or propped up in bed, shirt off, and let him cuddle her a little while after she is fed (and preferably, fast asleep) wearing just her diaper. Nobody can resist the feeling of that warm, soft sack of sugar nestled on their bare skin.

I don't think you should worry.
Dads, not ALL of them, just don't have a physical closeness thing with newborns. I don't think it's because they don't love them, but sometimes they're not sure what to do with them or are afraid they'll hurt them. As babies get a little older, even just by 3 months and start to be more alert and make funny faces, some dads loosen up a bit. Some of them take a little longer and can't wait for their kid to start walking and expressing themselves a bit and that's when they really get into it....when they aren't nervous about taking the child in the car to go to the store or put gas in the car, or go look at fishing tackle. My dad took me fishing and had a fishing pole in my hand from the minute I could sit up by myself. Just me and him. But, he came from a big family and was used to having babies around.
Also remember, that for women, our maternal instincts are in high gear after having a baby. Our bodies, our hormones...we are biologically engineered differently than men when it comes to that.
I truly believe he does love your little girl. He probably just doesn't know what to do with her.
Give him time.

Best wishes!

Lots of men/Dads are like that.
The important thing is... that you talk to him. Not accusingly... but in a diplomatic way. Maybe he is not even aware he is doing that.
Or some men just feel that since they are at work all day and "busy" it is the Mom's job to do everything else for the baby.
Regardless, you have to both talk about it.... and work out something and compromise. YOU too, need a break. No woman/Mom has to be toiling 24/7 without breaks. But that is also what a Mom is.

For men, it can help to actually write down, what "he" needs to do. Its called a "Daddy Do-List"... or whatever you want to call it. On it, put down the things he can help with and do. Daily. And what time.... etc.
Some men, otherwise just don't think nor do anything because they assume you are doing it, and if you don't ask for help... the won't help.

THEN, as your baby grows up... he DOES need to be a part of her life... and in raising her. Because, a "Dad" has a BIG influence on a girl and what she turns out to be.... and in making choices later, in men, for themselves. So, hopefully your Husband knows that.

Just talk with him. Being a Dad doesn't just mean he is one in title... but in actions too.

One of our friends even said that his son, when newborn just was a lump and he didn't find it fun and the baby just lays there or cries or has to be fed. The baby can't "do" anything. And he couldn't relate to "it." As his son got older and able to do things... THEN he felt more connected and able to do things with the baby. Actually feeling more bonded. Some Men, just don't automatically have the instinct like a Motherly instinct.
But, your husband has to be a part of his child's life... and in raising her... or he will be an absentee Dad, even though he lives in the same home. And a child will notice that.

all the best,
Susan

I know some dads find the newborn stage hard as baby doesn't really do anything , and if mom is nursing then there isn't a great deal dads can do , my husband was very hands on with them from the start , I wasn't able to BF so all 3 were formula fed so he did his fair share and also changed diapers and cuddled them , but he also admits that he enjoyed them much more from around 4 or 5 months when they interacted more with smiles and gurgles.

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I wouldn't... my little ones are "mine" till about 3 mo, then daddy starts doing more. That has been the way w/ all 4 of them. But then again - its more because of me... I carried them for 9 mo & felt them inside me for how long - I don't want to let go.

My kids now play more w/ daddy them me, but when something is wrong & they are hurt - they come running to mommy. Cuddle time is usually mine :)
You all will end up bonding in your own ways - relax and enjoy your baby girl!

I don't think you should worry about it at all. I think men want to be able to "do" something with their little ones and newborns don't really do much. My husband was the same, was happy to have a cuddle in the evenings and would help when I asked but only really got in the swing of things when the kids started to be able to respond to him. When they started to babble, and sit up, crawl, walk etc. He wanted to be able to interact with them and once they were able to do that he really got involved.
He may also be wary of how to do certain things with his little girl, you could ask him and encourage him to do things such as the diaper changes, feeds (if possible), bath time etc just to give him the confidence he may be lacking. Men have much less contact with babies than women before they have their own, so just encourage him a little if you're worried that he's not involved enough.
Really though, don't worry, men and women are just different about how they interact with their infants.

Hi S.,
In my opinion, whether your baby is 2 weeks or 12 years if Dad doesn't take a larger interest now not much is going to change down the road. This is the perfect set up for being disconnected with your kids. I think guys are worse at this then women are by far but it starts early. Giving him the benefit of the doubt though he may be intimidated by all the things that go into having a newborn around. Sometimes men can feel terribly inadequate regarding their care skills. Like women never have this problem right?? :) I feel blessed because my husband is a terrific hands on Dad and has been since day one with both our kids. Not all men are created that way but I know without a doubt your guy does need to start connecting with your daughter soon. Before you know it she won't want Dad to be there for her anymore. I would try to find ways that will encourage Dad to take an active roll...now!! He will miss out on so much if he doesn't learn to participate in her life today. Blessings, L.

No need to worry! Lots of very good Dad's don't do that much interaction with the newborn babies. They do not know what to do and (I think) are aware of the fact that us Mommys were built for this stage and are not necessarily needed and just stand back and let us do it!

My DH wasn't very hands-on at that stage either but as soon as they could walk and were less fragile, the true daddy bond took shape! The one task that was always his was showering with them...I was always afraid to drop them and he was very confident in his ability to hold on...he gladly took on this responsibility and I think loved that he got bonding time and at the same time he felt like he was helping me with something, finally. It made him feel needed and useful.

It will be OK...just because he doesn't feel the need to hold the baby all the time, doesn't mean he is a bad dad OR that he doesn't feel connected...he will get there, you'll see!

Not to worry. My husband is a busy body too. His way of helping was to take care of me. He cooked dinner, made sure I ate and drank as needed, and was there when I needed him. I had a really hard time nursing and when I got overly frustrated, I would yell for him, and he always came running, and gave me my cool down time, even if the baby was screaming his head off the entire time. He also did a lot of diapers, as my son was so much fun on the changing table. But in general, there just wasn't a lot of interaction at that age. I tried to include my husband as much as possible (and he did want to help, but needed to DO something), such as asking him to change a diaper, and asking for help with the bath, etc. We became a team, and as our son became more interactive, it was a natural transition for him to become more involved.

My husband works a lot---60 to 70 hours a week. Not leaving much time to visit with daddy---we even let my son (2 1/2) stay up late so that he can get some time with dad. However, when he was a newborn my husband would put him to sleep every night. I think it was a great bonding time since he didn't get much time with him. Now 2 1/2 years later, my husband still puts him to bed and does 99% of his baths.

I haven't read any of the other answers, so I'm sorry if I repeat. In my opinion, I think it's pretty normal. I have 2 little girls and my hubby is such a good daddy, but he would prefer to play with our 2 year old rather than hold the baby. When I ask him to take her because she's crying or whatnot, he absolutely will, but like I said, would rather play with our 2 yo. That being said, now that the baby (4 mos.) is starting to get more personality, he is starting to enjoy holding her more. Hope that helps you.

You've had some very good advice and don't need any from me. I'm more along the lines of commiserating with you. :) My husband has been like that and worse to our 2 girls (now 2 and 3) when they were babies... and I'm sure he'll be like that again when I have our son in 4 weeks. :( It is sad, when reality is a stark contrast from what you dreamed that baby moment in your life would be like. I have this vision of a happy, fun-loving daddy who plays with his kids and treats his wife wonderfully well.... but sadly, it isn't the way our lives have turned out. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we're my husband's second family.. he has 2 from his first marriage and didn't really expect to have another family when he married me. What can you do about your worries or concern? I'm sure your situation will get better, as other women have suggested, when your daughter gets older. If not, aside from letting him know your feelings about family togetherness and the lack thereof... there's not much you can do to change a man's behavior. He has to do that himself.

My husband LOVES our girls, but when babies he wasn't too hands on. I had to ask him to do things. He would gladly, but on his own he just didn't know what to do or where to start.
As they get older he does more and more and loves to play with them.
My youngest is 7 months and he is just now starting to "play" with her. I think he also likes when they can start to give emotions back to him. Makes them seem like real people :)
Now some guys just will never deeply bond and always be at arms length, but hopefully he just needs your little one to get bigger. Give him some time and in the mean time ask him to do things with her- read a book, bath time, ect.... have one thing they do together each day. It can be their special thing they do together.

You know he loves her his little girl so much. But I would have him more involved now instead of waiting. If I were you at night I would start passing his little princess right into his arms. Being a parent is spending time with your baby, good quality time. Take off momma and go get your nails done or go out with the girls.

This is totally normal. Dads just do not dote and bond with babies like the mommy. When she gets older you will really see the bonding blossom, it is wonderful.

Good luck!

No. Follow and believe your gut feeling. My husband was so busy with school and work that he didn't ask to hold the baby but would give her kisses but kindof sounds like your hubby. He doesn't watch tv and is a busy body. That said, he is THE BEST dad hands down. He plays with the kids, gives them love and attention and provides well for us. He absolutely takes an interest but he is also supporting us financially so I am the main caregiver. I wouldn't be concerned unless you really feel in your heart that you should be. Most men just don't get into the tiny baby thing.

I think new dads with any baby is a weird time. They feel unsure, inept, uncertain and clueless. Have him hold her til she sleeps, or burp her every time, or something that will become "his specialty". I always told my husband that no O. could get our son to burp like he could. Then he got confident--like "hey...gimme that kid, I'll get him to burp!"
Most men are a little afraid of babies...they seem so tiny and fragile. It will change as she grows.

Shane's right on – even really, really good dads don't necessarily know what to do with an infant. My son-in-law is possibly the best daddy I've ever seen to his 4yo son, but he was pretty restrained when the little guy was just a baby. Like he just didn't quite know what to do with him. I wouldn't worry unless those other distractions stay too important to allow the gradual deepening of the father-daughter bond.

Hi S.,

I didn't read all of the other replies, but for my husband, and the other fathers that I know, it isn't until 4-6 months when the babies become more active, rolling / smiling, etc. that he became a little bit interested. They don't seem to have the "bonding" need like we do. I think this is completely normal for a guy. It's a life change to have a child and sometimes it takes time for them to adjust to the whole thing.

Congrats and good luck to you!

I think the part of this is that that you need to worry about is that his level of involvement now is how he'll be with the rest of your kids (if you have more). He won't magically get more involved, so you need to teach him how to be more involved now. I wish I'd done that with my husband.
My husband loved having some time with his baby outside. That was their "thing." And he discovered this "thing" because after a long day of no time to myself, I ASKED my husband to take the baby for a few minutes while I did something. When the baby started fussing, i suggested that maybe he'd like to go outside, and it worked. The baby loved it, and stopped fussing. So every time the baby fussed, Dad would take him outside. This grew and grew until I'd get him ready for bed, then Dad would take him outside to sit on their favorite bench. They'd talk and watch cars drive past and usually, baby would fall asleep on his shoulder. It was a great way for both of them to relax.
My regret is that now that we have 3 kids, I do almost EVERYTHING! I give baths, brush teeth, put them to bed. I really wish I had more help. DH refuses to change diapers, too, although I discovered that he doesn't mind putting a clean diaper on a freshly-bathed baby. So I jump on that and make him do it if he's around.

My dad used to bathe us before bed, and my mom got a few minutes to herself.

I've found the most important thing is to ask for help. When you need to do something with both hands, sit her next to Dad and say, "Can she hang out with Daddy for a few minutes?" I also say, "Can you hold the baby while I....." You can also invite him to come see something cute you guys are doing together (like tickling her 'til she giggles), then say, "you try."

My husband isnt' a newborn lover. He says they get fun a little later, like when they giggle and smile at you. So if you need to wait for that stage, go ahead and wait, but don't miss the opportunities to get him involved!

Those are some ideas to help him get more involved. While it's important for your daughter to have Daddy Time, I think YOU will benefit more from his involvement than even she will!

my brother is great with kids but wont have anything to do with babies he is seriously afraid they BREAK once they are 2 hes alll over them. but not until then