Daddy Separation Anxiety??

Updated on February 07, 2012
K.F. asks from Garland, TX
8 answers

I'm curious if anyone else has seen this behavior in their toddlers. My 16 month old son has all of the sudden become SO attached to his dad that he has an absolute meltdown when he leaves for work in the morning or even leaves the room on the weekend! He wants to only play with daddy and makes it VERY clear that he wants daddy to read stories, take him outside to play, etc. My husband is very involved and present (and has been from day 1), so I am struggling to understand why he seems to be having what seems like this separation anxiety all of the sudden. Is this just a phase that they go through? I'm trying not to have hurt feelings! :-)

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E.L.

answers from Dallas on

This exact thing happened to our son between the age of 16-18 months. It is hard to not feel hurt by this althought it worked out good for us since I gave birth to our second son when my other was 18 months... it is still hard. This too will pass :-)

Good Luck!
E.

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A.K.

answers from Dallas on

I've read that they do go through some separation anxiety often between 13-18 months (or around there). My son did almost exactly that. He was the kind of baby that was sleeping through the night by 3 weeks and would go to anyone with no problem until 12 or 13 months. Stopped sleeping through the night without waking up and crying when we left the room. We gently helped him through the phase and now he's back to his normal sleeping all night, hugging and going to anyone self (he got through it by 18 or 19 months). He's 2.5 now. The night thing was the hardest. I think it's best to recognize and ease him through it (we never let our son cry-it-out, but we also didn't pick him up everytime he cried- just comforted him).

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G.F.

answers from Dallas on

I think it is pretty normal. I have B/G twins and both went through it I've noticed it more so with my son when daddy leaves. I think boys and daddy's have a special bond and since my son's only caregivers besides daddy are female (myself and two different nannies)...I think at some age they recognize that they are a "boy" and daddy is a "boy" too. Try not to take it personally. My son at 2 1/2 still gets upset when daddy leaves (dad is a pilot and so frequently gone). We ended up doing a picture book of he and daddy...and daddy gave that to him before he left for a trip, he also gave him a little guys pilot hat and a special toy. Something like this might help when your husband leaves for work. My nephew went through something similar and daddy gave him a special watch to wear when he left town. Anyway - consider something like that. I think it is a normal phase...and they will outgrow it eventually. My son has gotten much better in the last month.

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L.

answers from Dallas on

From my experience and what I've read, it's pretty normal for kids to go through some separation anxiety in conjuction with different developmental milestones. 18 mths, plus or minus a couple of months, is one of those times. The feelings are exacerbated by the fact that their language skills are still limited at this point depsite that their ability to feel is fully engaged. My husband travels a lot and it was at about this age when our daughter started having some difficulty. A teacher recommended that we put a picture of our family (including our dog) in a a zip lock bag and give it to her to carry around (the bag is to protect the picture from all the inevitable drool, etc.). Whenever she felt sad, they'd get out the baggy, give it to her, and start talking about her daddy, what she did with him, that he was coming back and when, etc. This allowed her to "express" her feelings and also feel like he was with her b/c she had a physical object (the picture of him) to hold in her hands. She even slept with it at naptime once in a while when she was feeling particularly sad. We did this with much success at her daycare. I don't see why you couldn't do the same at home.

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A.P.

answers from Dallas on

My son and daughter both went through that at about the same age. It lasted a couple of months and now they have adjusted to the fact that while he is leaving and it is sad, he is coming back. Just remember that while it brakes your heart to see it, it should give you comfort in knowing what a great father your son has.
good luck!

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K.K.

answers from Dallas on

I have a 4 yr old son and 2 yr old daughter and both have gone through varying stages of sep. anx. They have both had it more than once (like my daugther is going through another small phase of it now at 2 and she had it when she was younger as well). They have also had phases when they preferred one of us over the other. It's hard not to get your feelings hurt, but in my case they would both have phases where they preferred me as well, so it kinda all evens out in the end.

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T.G.

answers from Dallas on

It is a stage and will get better. Very small children have very limited sense of time. Once they have bonded with someone and that person leaves, they have a hard time undertanding that they will be back. Don't worry. Just assure him very calmly that dad will be back in a little while.

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W.C.

answers from New York on

I am battling this with my 15 month old son. It has been going on for over 6 months. I don't know how much more I can take. His dad usually picks him up from the nanny's but yesterday I did, and he threw the worst tantrum Id ever seen. Simply because it was me picking him up and not dad. He never cries when I leave (unless its just him and me) and loves strangers. I've always wondered if it was because I had an emergency csection and didn't get to hold or talk to him first. His dad also fed and changed him in the hospital for the first 3 days of his life since I couldn't hardly move. Its depressing! I already battle with depression. How long does this last? Will he ever bond with me?

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