Help with Sensitive Toddler? Not Wanting Dad?

Totally normal. All of my little ones went through mommy-phases and daddy-phases, as did the children of friends. If transitions in general are hard for her, maybe he can wait a few minutes to greet her, to give her time to mentally switch from mommy-time to family-time.

There probably come a day soon when she'll want daddy daddy daddy all the time, and mommy will be chopped liver. ;-)

Cat

Hello M. -

We have three sons and have been through this many times. At times they are all about mama and other times all about daddy. It really hurt my husband's feelings the first time it happened, but now that he has seen it and realizes it is just a phase, it doesn't affect him any more. In fact, whichever of us is "out" looks at it as an opportunity to focus on those always lingering personal projects we have in mind as the newfound freedom provides the chance to indulge for a bit. I think that indifferent response shortens the cycle and the child comes out of the phase much sooner.

The other thing I would like to mention is that this is likely the result of the soon-to-arrive new babe. Older siblings often become hypersensitive as mama's belly swells and they sense that a big change is coming. It is very important to reassure her that you will love her the same and that this involves her and her assistance and love are going to be needed to raise this new babe. When they feel involved they cannot feel excluded.

Best wishes to you!
D.

I have been through this phase with all of my kids. Multiple times with the bigger 2 and the little one has yet to actually come out of it!
My oldest are 3 1/2 yr old B/G twins and the baby is a 1 yr old girl.
Oldest girl has just exited from a phase where, if I forgot something in the house while loading them in the car, she would scream her head off until she could see me again. I couldn't even park the shopping cart out of her sight or she would lose it. Leaving her with anyone would result in screams of terror. Now that she is out of it (she could care less when I leave now) my son is entering it!! Usually he is daddys buddy, but lately he refuses to go with daddy and the girls to do something fun while I clean or grocery shop. I leave for the gym for 30 minutes and he screams the whole time I'm gone. He does this with any one I leave him with (the only other people we have left them with is grandparents).
The baby, who just turned 1 and was soley nursed, was just used to me taking her every where, that she has had some serious issues with being left occasionally (very occasionally). These phases are very normal.
My kids were 2 1/2 when we had the baby and we didn't have any major problems. I thought they would freak out with all the changes (especially my oldest daughter). INCLUDE your daughter in everything; picking out the babies clothes, washing the babys toes during bath time, let her sit with you while you feed the baby. Take just her to run the occasional errand with you and let dad take her alone as well. Let daddy have baby duty while you put her to sleep if that is the normal routine. You can alter things later when she decides to "like" daddy again.
Mine have daddy phases as well, unfortunatly they never last as long and they are not quite as fierce as mommy phases! ;)
Good luck with everything

Your last sentence was more telling than you know! I think she is not so much anti-daddy as she is glued to mommy. She is probably having trouble accepting the transition with new baby coming, and all your preparations and filling the house with baby things could be making her uneasy. She doesn't know what to expect, and she may be afraid of losing you... since you are the one carrying the baby and not Daddy.
Try cuddling her extra and involve her in helping with as much baby stuff as you can. Buy some books about being a big sister.
As for Daddy, girls go through these phases quite often. Have him come to you first when he gets home and then kiss her. Have him try not to take her away from you or to force her to leave you. Hint... If you are being really boring (ie. doing laundry), and Daddy is being really exciting nearby (ie. getting ready to play outside, or playing with her favorite toy), she may join him. Try to do things together all three of you too so she doesn't feel like being with Daddy has to mean not being with you.

Wow! That sounds so familiar! Not to worry it does get better! Now my daughter is almost three and the opposite is happening! Daddy this and Daddy that! I just encouraged my husband to keep trying and not to take it personally! It is part of a developmental milestone and identifying with each parent at different stages of development. It is frustrating at times! My husband was always so sensitive about it and now I know how he feels having the situation in reverse. My daughter is a bundle of sensitivity and it is hard at times!Good luck and treasure each day! Eventually things will move on to the next phase and then you will "miss" the old one! Ha Ha!

Don't worry, she'll grow out of it. When my 4 yr old daughter was younger, pretty much until she was 3, she was extremely attached to me. Very much like your daughter. Her daddy was very patient, though I could tell it did hurt at times. We have 3 children and she was the only to have this phase. He never pushed her, just very loving and let her set the pace and she grew out of it. She is still very much a mommy's girl but she adores her dad and is close to him.
Hope this helps!

As everyone else has said, wanting Mommy is normal at that age. Sometimes it is hard on Dad though. My husband had hurt feelings on occasion. But the other stuff about the tv and whatnot...welcome to the terrible twos!! Good Luck!

Last summer my daugher now 3 started showing signs of being sensitive to all sorts of things. She still has problems with it now but not as often.
Not wanting Daddy, was one of them. But also, certian sounds or music, or situations. Someome reccomended a couple books to me and although they are probably more for children with sensory procesing disorders, I found them to be helpful.

Sometimes its just the age and the fact that your having another baby. (We had just had our second at the time.)
I know how you feel, its hard to figure if they are just acting up or if they are just realy sensitive. Try "The highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine N. Aron. I found it at least helpful.
Hang in there, and try to be patient.

M.,
I've been there, only I was on the opposite side. Our youngest wanted his dad all the time and I actually began to feel very upset. I had to take a step back and look at the whole picture. Yes, I gave birth to him and nursed him, but whenever we went anywhere, my husband wore the Bjorn or pushed his stroller or wore the Kelty with him in it and took care of him when he was upset. My husband was the only one he wanted even though I am a stay at home mom. He would also snuggle with my husband every night on the couch or in the easy chair and fall asleep. The little one will be 5 in three weeks and he's not so little anymore. My husband works swing shift now and our son misses him terribly. As much as it makes me sad when he cries for his dad, I also feel good because they have built up such a bond. Our oldest is 7 and he and I have a bond similar to my husband and our youngest. You just have to let it go and be happy that your child has bonded with one of you. Who knows, maybe the next child will bond with your husband.
No guilt or tears just lots of love.
Best wishes for your family and the little one to arrive.

M. your little princess is at the age that alot of babies go through the senstive stage. Wanting mommy when daddy picks her up , thats will go away dad should continue to do do this as she will get past all that. Sometimes it helps for dad to maybe have something in his pocket for her maybe some fruit snacks or something kids love to check dads shirt pockets.
Also the rest will go away when she passes this stage..
You may want to think about the new babay ariving and how she will respond she may be feeling the effects early , involve her in getting things ready for her new baby, make time for her and dad needs to be sure he has a time whne just dad and her can cuddle or read a book just some special time.mom you may want to set play times with just her she will know that you didnt forget her...also may a time when she can sit next to you and hold "her" new brother i had a 13 mo old son when i gave birth to a little princess..he was not a happy camper ! He would often roll her bassinet back in the bedroom and close the door .he never hurt her but i was afraid he would tip her over accidentally .. I made sure he was as involved with his baby sister as often as i could but always had cuddle time for just him and i.it works ! Good luck with you r new arrival and dont worry about the little princess she will be fine

My son is almost 24 months old and was going through the same thing. He was very clingy with me, and wanted nothing to do with his dad. We have noticed over the past few weeks however, he has been wanting his dad more, so we are hopeful that the tides are turning! Other moms have told me this was another phase, and it too shall pass! Hang in there!

I think what your daughter is doing is VERY normal. Dr. James Dobson explains in one of his books that at around age 2 little girls gravitate more towards their moms and little boys gravitate more towards their dads. They are starting to realize gender differences and realizing that they are more like the one parent instead of the other. This is a healthy realization and gravitation so no worries. Also, with your pregnancy, you may be more tired and spending less time doing things with your daughter than you use to and maybe that is why she is wanting you more. And when the baby comes, expect that this behavior will increase as you have to spend so much time taking care of the baby. By the way, one of the best pieces of advice I received about helping the older sibling is that when you nurse/feed your baby, have the older child come sit next to you on the couch and read her a book. You spend so much time feeding babies that this will give you lots of quality time with your older child and it takes no extra time since you are just sitting there anyway. My older son came to love nursing times for his baby sister because he knew he would get my undivided(almost)attention. About your daughter crying when it is time to turn the TV off or come in from outside, have you tried giving her a 2 minute warning? Tell her, "In two minutes, we are going to go inside so lets go down the slide 2 last times," or something like that. And when she still cries, that is absolutely normal for that age.

Hi M.--
I also have a 21 month old daughter who is pretty happy-go-lucky and goofy most of the time, but she is also very sensitive and can be quite intense on both extremes. Though we havent had the experience that you are having with daddy (he works from home and I work part time, so we are both with her most of the day) she is also doing some of that weird freak-out stuff over very minor things. Sometimes she gets upset when we are getting ready to leave the house, and then sometimes she gets upset (and whines "no home!") when she sees that we are pulling into our driveway after being out. I cannot say this for sure, but I think i have read somewhere that it is pretty common for toddlers to go through a phase where they have trouble with "transitions"--ie. going outside, coming inside,changing activities, and maybe in your case, your little one is having a transition crisis when she goes from mom all day long to adding dad to the mix. I am right there with you so I cant tell you how long this phase will last, but i am hopeful (and pretty sure of it) that it is a phase that they will grow out of. How is she on weekends or times that her dad is around all day? Maybe giving them a day together (if it's possible) would help ease the hurt your husband may be feeling (plus give you a little time to yourself!). I know that if I am around, my daughter is all about me, but if I leave, she is totally fine and loves being with her dad. Good luck with the new baby on the way! I am sure that even if she does lose her mind at first at this new addition who is going to throw her world in a tizzy, she will soon get used to it and will embrace her new brother or sister...Good luck, take care and hang in there!

I just went through that our lil'girl was almost 1year when she started and that was in Oct. our Son was due in Jan. and the closer it got for him to come the worse she got. But now that he is here and she knows that she is not being replaced she has gotten better. I think they know when somthing is going on in the home even if we don't tell them. It's how they deal with it. She is prob feeling like "daddy" won't need her, or if she acts like the baby then you won't need a new baby. You have to work with her get her to help you with things, like let her turn off the T.V., or let her go to daddy for hugs. Have him ask for loves from her.
WE had to do it with my 5year old when her sister came and now we had to do it all over with our 1year old when our son came. It gets better.

Hello M.,
First off I want you to tell your hubby that this is totally normal and has nothing to do with him. Secondly, my oldest will be 4 in May and is just NOW starting to want daddy. So my hubby has been tortured by the "mommy only" for almost four years. My daughter is 2 1/2 and also has recently become daddy's little girl. I am a stay-at-home mommy so you would think they would like him more, right? Nope. I think your daugther is going through another (or first) separation anxiety stage. My daughter just got out of it, yeah! You might see trouble again when your son arrives...then you will have "jealousy" to deal with. Good luck to you. Congrats on the little boy coming!

CJL

Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I have been there and in some cases are still there. My son is 27 months old and he sometimes only wants me to do something for him like put him to sleep. He always wants things his way and even will cry and throw a fit if we turn off the tv or take a toy away that he shouldn't be playing with. One night he sat and cried for 5-10 minutes because he wanted to sit at the table and eat with his toys. I think that it is just a stage and she may be responding to the fact that there is going to be another little one soon and wants to be with you. Maybe your husband could take her out on the weekend for Daddy-daughter time so he could feel like he is getting his time in with her and they can develop a tighter bond. That is what we did when my son didn't want anything to do with his dad--I would leave for the day and he would spend time with our son. Now for the most part, he will play and talk to his dad just as much as with me. I hope that helps!
C. J

My now 4 year old son went through a stage like that about that age. Now at 4 he prefers daddy. He gets mad when daddy leaves and doesnt take him and follows him like a faithful lil puppy everywhere. Now I wish for those days because the only time he wants mommy is when he is extremly tired and its bed time or he gets hurt, or is sick. It is a stage and she will go back and forth between wanting one or the other. My son did this for a while too.

Hi! I think it's just a phase. My son is 23 months and he became sensitive about things a couple of months ago too. One thing I found that helps is giving him choices. Yesterday he didn't want to wear the shirt I picked out for him and he was saying "no" to every shirt and crying. Then I held up two shirts and let him pick one and then he was happy. I had a baby a month ago and he is doing really well with her. He had a hard time for the first week or two(mainly because I had a c-section and couldn't pick him up), but now he really loves the baby and likes to help out with her. He brings her a pacifier, gives her hugs and kisses, and pats her back. It's really cute. I'm sure your daughter will be okay with the new baby. Just be sure to give her lots of hugs and kisses and let her hold the baby if she wants to. My son really likes to hold the baby. Good luck with everything! I hope your labor and delivery go well!