Dad Snacking While I'm Cooking

Throw his food out. He's being disrespectful and a smart aleck (to put it nicely) about his behavior. If he acts like a child, treat him like one. Especially since you are BOTH working, he doesn't deserve the time spent on a meal when he clearly doesn't care.

Look, I had a dumb argument yesterday with my husband too, so I understand these things happen.

But, you are WAY out of line. Do not police your husband's food intake, unless maybe he is obese. He is a grown adult, and you are not the food police.

I understand, although he does not, that you are hurt because you spent all that time preparing a nice meal. However, I'm pretty sure he would have eaten your meal as well as the pizza. I guess he's just hungry.

Adults can have sex, alcohol, they can drive and go to war -- all things that kids can't do. They can also have a slice of bread or pizza that kids can't have. The answer from you (not your husband) to your kids should have been: "Daddy is an adult. He gets to have a piece of pizza. You do not."

Do not cause problems in your marriage over a piece of pizza. You should apologize to your husband and stop being the food police.

And do NOT throw his meal away. That's ridiculous and makes you look like an immature baby.

Just reading the other moms responses, and I'm surprised at how many of you support this. I cannot begin to imagine having someone telling me what I can and cannot eat at my age. When I hear how controlling some other women are of their husbands, I really think my husband needs to appreciate me more. The only other valid response I saw was someone suggesting you move dinner up earlier, because obviously he's hungry. Meanwhile, I STILL think he should have a darn piece of pizza if that's what he wants. Jeez - if that's the rules of marriage - I'd remain a bachelor.

It's called Status Offences in Sociology. Things parents/adults can do that kids get in trouble for doing, smoking, sex, etc...it is hard but you need to understand you're not your husbands mother. He can snack any time he wants. Just as you don't have to sit and eat a meal with everyone on the nights you go to school. Should it have been handled differently? Yes, of course. Should he be doing it in front of the kids? not, but he might get caught doing anything and need to be able to explain about things being different for kids and adults. We try to limit people in the kitchen during cooking, not only to prevent burns but to keep hands out of the fridge.

To stop this issue, make sure they have a filling healthy snack when they get home. Not a little snack of fruit or crackers but a small meal with protein and carbohydrates and fluids, like milk or juice. Then the before meal snacking will be minimal. Tell him that you would be more comfortable if he wanted to eat the cold pizza that he did it at least an hour before you start cooking.

Maybe have dinner ready a little earlier. I think he is setting a bad example for the kids.

WOMAN'S BRAIN: I am really hungry, but dinner is going to be served soon. I don't want to be disrespectful or be a bad example to the kids, so I will wait.

MAN'S BRAIN: Me hungry, me eat now.

Oh these men of ours! Ugh! My husband also snacks as I am about to put dinner on the table. They just don't get it. Our child is younger so it has not been an issue yet with her picking up this bad habit. I think the bigger issue is the fact that your husband seems to disregard your feelings and repeat his bad behavior. To him this is probibly not a big issue. Maybe sitting down and having a nice long chat when you are both calm. Either that or throw all the pizza out lol! Good luck! Let me know if you break him of this habit, maybe you can teach me how to break my husband of this too!

I agree, this is totally annoying. It bugs me when my husband does this too. It also bugs him when I leave the cabinet doors open, or when the kids' shoes are on the floor by the front door. However, he did not take off all of the cabinet doors, and throw away all of the kids' shoes.

We love him with all of his faults, and he loves us with ours. I am sure your family all probably feels this way too, and this particular issue really struck a nerve with you.

If this is truly the biggest problem the two of you have, thank your lucky stars, tell him one more time calmly how it makes you feel, and work on a compromise. Not having him eat with you and the kids is NOT good for your children, and not preparing a meal for everyone is showing your kiddos how to behave when someone doesn't do what they want.

Choose your battles wisely is the best marriage/parenting advice I have ever received, and I think it still stands. Good luck!

Does he eat what you cook him after having a snack? He is a grown man if he wants a snack he should beable to have a snack. Kids need to understand that they can't always do what grownups do. Your husband probably resents being told when and where he can eat. I can see you getting upset if you are cooking him dinner and he eats a snack and then doesn't eat your dinner. But it sounds to me like he is eating your dinner as well as the snack. I get the impression you are punishing him like he is one of your kids, throwing his dinner away? It sounds more like the issue is you are overwhelmed from working full time, going to school and doing most of the cooking and probably most of the housework (I've been there), deal with those issues and you will be a lot less resentful in the long run. Good Luck

AFTER READING YOUR “SO WHAT HAPPENED”

Much of what you said did not make sense or really correlate to your original post??? It did make me think that your husband deserves a LARGE pizza with extra CHEESE, and I think you might owe him the apology.

Blessings…..

Speaking about tossing out your husband’s dinner or cooking ONLY for you and your children and feeling DISRESPECTED, is indicitative of a larger problem then your husband having a slice of pizza. If I am wrong, please consider the cold pizza as an appetizer.

Your husband seems like he has a hearty appetite. So why don’t you ask him to start preparing a small appetizer for the family and drinks for the two of you, while you are cooking. (No drinks for the kids before dinner---they don't get EVERYTHING mom and dad get). I would consider the cold pizza as an appetizer. As long as it’s just a small portion of something before dinner, it should not spoil anyone’s appetite.

About the underwear thing, let your son sleep in his underwear on warm evenings and wear PJ’s on cold nights.
Blessings….

Not sure if anyone mentioned this idea, but sounds like he's hungry earlier than meal time. I usually set out a plate of cut up veggies on the table and if anyone is starving while I finish dinner, they can have carrots or the like before we eat....it's at least healthy. If your hubbie still reaches for cold pizza and or candy bars, get them out of the house, and offer him veggies, and say something like, "I cut these for you, honey, we are ALL trying to eat healthy lately." Also encourage him to eat with the family, telling him how the kids would love to talk to their Dad about their school day, and you'd love to hear how his day went too. Sometimes, I think, men want to hear that we want them there, and simply invite them to the table.

Or simple answer, move dinner time up half an hour or so. I know, for myself, when I am hungry I have to eat or else I get feeling sick....could be hypoglycemic, for me, and maybe and for your hubbie.

Good luck
~sahmatwork
www.familysentinel.blogspot.com

Frst, is he overweight, is this one reason why you are angry, because you are trying to help his health and seeing his constant snacking while you are prepering dinner makes you angry? I know my husband has gained lots of weight the past year and it makes me upset when he does this for this reason. Also, because it riles up the kids when I am trying to cook and then they don't want their dinner and are buzzing around the kitchen begging for food and getting in the way. It can drive me insane sometimes. But we have talked about it and it has improved a lot.

Maybe, you can set out a little appetizer for everyone to snack on a little before dinner time, a healthy choice that isn't too filling like a small veggie tray, mixed nuts or tortilla chips or something and ask for husband to help set the example because the children don't think its fair he can eat while they have to wait, especially getting things like candy bars.... and explain to him how difficult it is cooking with them running around the kitchen. After all, why should anyone have to prepare food while you are already preparing food!?

Unfortunately, you are not going to change his mind by doing things like banning him from dinner, it may just make him retreat and respect your opinion less and make it weird for the kids too. Just try and be the example yourself and try and pick your battles (I know, easier said than done!)

To me, reading your message, there are a few different things going on.

I wonder, first, if there's something underlying such as depression. Grabbing a candy bar and laying in bed isn't normal behavior when the rest of the family is eating. Not wanting to set a good example for the kids isn't normal either - so, I wonder if there's a Depression taking hold that he doesn't know how to shake.

My husband really never learned to cook (and his opinion of a balanced meal is a lot different from mine), and it's just easier for me to do most of it during the week while he tends to other things. I'm lucky in that he understands (most of the time) the importance of setting a good example for the kids.

Secondly, there is a respect issue that apparently needs to be resolved. He is lying about something really trivial, and you're getting upset because you feel it's blatant disrespect. Somehow, you'll need to work through it before this little issue doesn't become a big one in the not-so-distant future.

Without knowing the family, my other question is if there's a medical condition. There are hormones produced by the brain and other organs that signal hunger/fullness. It's well known that some of these hormones are deficient in people who have pre-diabetes/diabetes (for example: GLP-1). People who are deficient simply can't feel full as well as us with normal hormone levels. Could he possibly have a medical condition as well that's causing some of this behavior?

Regardless, best wishes. I hope you get this all resolved soon. For the time being, I'd stop catering to him and simply prepare meals for you and your kids and let him fend for himself.

Good luck.

It sounds like you are engaged in a power struggle with your husband. He's telling you that you cannot tell him what to do! And you know what, you can't. He's an adult and he can snack before dinner if he wants. He might do this all the time and you are now just discovering it. It's not disrespectful to you if he still eats what you've made.

I would let it go. I disagree with you that adults and kids have the same rules. Absolutely not. Kids need to know that adults can do things they cannot (ie, drink soda, snack before dinner, have a beer or glass of wine, watch R rated movies, etc). I know you do not want to hear this, but I think you should apologize to your husband.

I think he owes you an apology too. He's acting passive/aggressive (hiding, possibly snacking on purpose), and he needs to act like a grown up!

He is a grown man and If he wants a piece of cold pizza, fine, but ask him to eat it in the kitchen and try not to show it to the kids.. This is a compromise.

I do not think it is good for children to "tattle" on either parent.. This is setting parents up for a huge problem later on. Also who likes a tattle tale anyway? This is a husband - wife issue. Do not divide your home by allowing your children to become involved.

You are taking this very personal and making it all about you. He is showing you "disrespect"? How about looking at it being about him? He is hungry.

I am sending you patience and clarity.

My kids aren't aloud any snacks once I go in the kitchen to cook... it usually takes me about 30 - 40 min to get dinner on the table. Hubby does sometime snack a little when I'm cooking & I will "kick" him out of the kitchen, but we have a little bit of a different schedule then him. His "breakfast" is out dinner... so he is ususally a bit hungry by the time dinner is served.

My kids want to snack more if they don't get a good sized snack or small meal after school or they didn't like their lunch... my daughter (6 yr old kindergardner) will sometimes eat 2 whole sandwiches when she gets home at 2:45 & still eat a plate, two or sometimes thirds at dinner time. She is not a big girl - she only weighs about 46#... she is super skinny & tall, but she get hungry on school days. She doesn't eat that much on the weekends.

Is there anyway of moving dinner ahead a half-hour so that your hubby gets dinner before the snack eating "bug" bites him? Or maybe you should have it a little later & have everyone have a snack earlier in the evening. At our house we eat a little later then most, but here is what we do... breakfast around 8 am, snack around 10 am, lunch around 12:30 or 1 (after my 4 1/2 yr old gets on the bus - he eats at pre-school), snack around 2:45 (after my daughter gets home from school), snack around 4:30 (when my son gets home from pre-school) and dinner around 7. Actually, our snack times are really close to what they do at school too... my daughter get a snack during "reading time" around 10 am at school & my son's snack time at pre-school is around 3 pm, plus both of them eat lunch between 12:30 & 1 at school. I'm trying to keep my 2 1/2 yr old on the same schedule because he will be going to pre-school next year... so it will help him to already be on that schedule. I'm not saying it works everyday, sometimes they do get hungrier then normal... they are growing after all & sometimes they need a bit more.

But your hubby needs to work w/ you not against you. Try sitting down w/ him & see if a different schedule would be helpful w/ the snacking before dinner or when it is cooking. It will be harder to "brake" his habit then it will to keep the kids from doing it. But maybe by sitting down w/ him again - it will show him that it really is bothering you.

Good luck!

Is the no snacking rule something you both agreed would be a good idea? Or is this something you think is a good idea and he doesn't? What are the reasons for the rule? In private, I would discuss that with him so you can be on the same page regarding this issue. I promise you that this will happen with lots of rules - so you need to learn how to present a united front for your kids. He is not a kid, so you cannot treat him like one. (Easier said than done - I know). I think that this is about more than snacking before dinner. It is a reflection of a problem with communicatiing and supporting each other. If you cannot find a way to do that, I would suggest counselling to help you figure that out.

I'd ask him if he feels that family meals are a good value and habit to instill in your family and see what he says. I'm guessing his family didn't all sit together to eat or if they did that it wasn't enjoyable. I grew up having family meals - everyone came together and it might've been the only time of the day that it happened. We ate and talked and then carried on with whatever else we were doing. The TV was always off. My husband's family has the TV on all the time including when they're eating so it was hard for me to get him to turn it off when we're eating. If its on, he's just not with us and its not the same. It angers me and we don't see eye to eye on it always, but I've told him that family meals are important to me and its a value I want our kids to have and he gets that, so that's what helped us. Maybe if you could approach it that way with your husband and let him know how important it is to you, then he would understand why it means so much to you. Either that or keep the snacks out of your house!

I wish I had an answer for you because I agree, he doesn't seem to care and I would be livid too. What a poor example he is showing!! I hope you praised your son for telling you. I would hate for your husband's attitude to affect your son's decisions about right and wrong and when you should be told something. How great your son recognized that his dad was doing wrong!!

My hubby snacks before dinner too but he doesn't really eat much for lunch and he still eats dinner. Don't order so much pizza. Do realize he is a grown adult. If he wants to eat leftovers, ask him if he can eat with the family instead at the table. Do not let the kids do what they want, they are still kids or when they have a family, they will still be doing the same thing to their family. I have strict rules for our kids about eating before dinner. It is important your gets get the right nutrients they need and you won't find that in a candy bar or piece of bread. Make and enforce your rules. Do not sweat the small stuff, what they sleep in for the summer.

Sounds to me like you have the problem, not him. You are "furious" at him? Wow. Over food. That's sad. He's an adult. He is going to do things you may not like, but think it through. Please read some of the other mom's struggles with their marriages to hopefully put yours in perspective. Your husband is home at night. He takes care of the kids' meals when you're not there. You said he's a good man.

Do you really want to drive a wedge in your relationship over food?

And please don't say it's a lack of respect. To me, you don't respect that he's an adult and should be able to do what he wants, so long as it doesn't cause harm to him or others (hence the questions from others about whether he is obese).

While I agree he might not be setting a good example, snacking before meals is better than complaining in front of your kids (and having them report on him) about his so-called mistake.

Love him for who he is, not who you want him to be.

It must be a man thing cause my husband used to do it too. I talked to him about it and he said he was just hungry and didn't think about it. He eats the meals I fix though. It sounds like your husband is eating on his own and then avoiding family meal time? I mean, he obviously knew dinner was ready. It's not like he's a child and needs to be told to come and eat his meal. It sounds like maybe there's something else going on.

Grrrr, that drives me nuts in our house too, because then the kids always want something. No, he's not setting a good example. Make sure he's eating enough at lunch and having a snack between lunch and dinner... I know, you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink... there's a reason he's wanting to snack RIGHT before dinner and I'm thinking, as most guys do, that he just isn't eating properly during the day. I pack my boyfriends lunch every day (HAHAHA!) and I make sure he's got stupid little things to munch on... I also sent him to work with a can of mixed nuts to keep at his desk so he can snack at his leisure without feeling full by the time he got home. Best wishes!

I know you want to set good examples for your children, but not to a point that it drives a wedge in the family. Kids also need to be taught that when they are adults they can do as they please, but also taught to try to respect others as they do it. This said, you should have said he is an adult and knows that dinner is going to be here soon, but he knows that he is capable of sitting down and eating dinner, if a child is given good before dinner they have had their food. I would have still expected him to participate at the table regardless of what he ate and when as this is family time. When he eats snacks, well he is a big boy.

The psychological approach is all fine and well in most cases of husbands that have the set in their ways attitudes but there are still those few stuborn hardcore cases where applied psychology becomes nessasary, Italian and german wives learned this lesson from their mothers and grandmothers , that when all else fails it`s time to break out the rolling pin on show them that you mean Business that when you are cooking , the Kitchen is off limits . but it also sounds to me that your husband really loves pizza and if this is so tell him he needs to learn a little control . at least in front of the children .