I need help. My oldest child has been with me and my Husband since she was 2. She is now 9 and her B. Father is taking me to court for a costudy change. He wants to have her one week on and one week off. We tried this for almost 7 months and it was so horrible. They did nothing for her when it came to school or her medication. She has ADD and Dyslexia. What should I do to help make my case?
Hi J.,
I don't have much advice but to tell you not to do the one week on one week off. When my parents divorced when I was younger that is what they did with me and my two brothers. It was horrible. Children need stability and that way there is none. I wish we had had one home and then went to visit my mom one day a week and weekends. Good luck.
Chris
J.,
I agree with Rebecca just be very careful not to talk about it around your daughter. I've also known children that don't like either one thier parents because of the power struggle. Custody battles are hard, but really hard on the children.
L.
Is there any way you can sit down and brain-storm a creative compromise? Even if you go to court and win, who's to say he won't bring this up again and again if he's dissatisfied?
Try to think of ways that he could spend more time with her that would be less disruptive. Perhaps more weekend or summer time?
If you can work it out with him, you'll save a lot of money on lawyers/legal fees. It seems most lawyers are interested in fueling conflict to maximize their profit.
Let him take you to court. I doubt very seriously any judge is going to agree a custody change, especially in your situation. He has to prove it would be a better environment for the child and I doubt with his history he will be able to do that. Just get your ducks in a row and consult with an attorney (consultations are usually free).
You can ask her teacher(s) to fill out daily or weekly progress reports/behavior reports so a judge can compare the weeks she's with her dad and the weeks she's with you.
I would encourage you to be ultra sensitive and DON'T talk about the situation to your DD or within ear shot of her. It's really hard for a little one to deal with this kind of stuff (I know, I was fought over for a couple of years and I really don't like or trust either of my parents to the extent that I would like to)
I would hire an attorney ASAP. Most judges won't agree to shared custody if the parent's can't cooperate and/or if it is too disruptive to the children. However, the fact that he has custody of the oldest may hurt you/help him.
Well chances are he isn't going to win over mom. But one never knows I guess. SO BRING PROOF.
Let her go for a week. Count her pills when she leaves and count them when she comes back. Do it a few times... and then keep track.
Note any times she misses school, assignements, etc. when she is with him.
If he goes in looking like the doting dad... he may have a shot. Call a family lawyer for a consult and see what they say?? They usually have free consults.
Jen~
J., my husband has been in custody/visitation battles with his ex-wife for as long as I've known him. We have worked with a couple different organizations, although prior to our move to Michigan. However, they are both very helpful organizations that are all about the best interest of children and helping the parents come to reasonable solutions. While the names of the organizations are geared toward dads, please don't let that deter you. Consider contacting United Fathers of America (located in Santa Ana, California) and Dads of America (located in Salem, Oregon). Additionally, if your case is before the Court, most states offer a "Referee" or "Parenting Counsultant" to work with parents who can't agree. Is that a possibility for you? If you need further help contacting either organizations or with anything else, please let me know! Thanks and God bless you.
I too have been in and out of court too many times to count! All I can tell you is that it is VERY important that you write EVERYTHING down. Get statements from the Doctor and teachers about the medical problems and keep a journal of each visits and each phone calls. If you think he is putting things in her head then tell him that the phone calls are being recorded. As long as you can prove that he is not giving her the meds she needs or is not getting involved in her school work, you may win. Tell the Judge that you are able to help her because you have more time to do it than he does.
Get a good attorney, preferably one that specializes in family law and practices regularly in the county in which you reside.
