Pushing Court Dates Back

Updated on August 07, 2014
J.B. asks from Garfield, WA
6 answers

Hi moms.

As some of you know i have entered the divorce process this year. I filed in april and we had to have a 3 month wait period before we could go to court. The date I had set up for our finalization hearing was Aug 22. Now my ex husband and his lawyer want to push this date back a few month. I do not wish to do this and prolong our marriage or the process any further. I have expressed this to both of them. Not to mention the threat of not being able to make it due to winter weather if it gets pushed back.

He and his lawyer already tried to get me to sign multiple temporary orders for a parenting plan (which we spent a lovely 30 minutes in court for him to get the ok on). I have not signed one. I have approved 3 out of the 5 and it never failed that something would be brought to his attention (by my big mouth sigh) and they want it changed. They are frustrated that I am not just giving in.

But now with them wanting to push the court date back Im at a loss. I dont know what to do. I have searched for legal aid with little luck in my area. Can they do this? I have made it clear that I want to continue with the orrigional court date. His lawyer seems to think we will settle this outside of court (HA hes funny) or that we will get it all done in one day. I made it clear that i would rather it go through the courts so its cut dry and done. We couldnt even negotiate a temporary order what in gods good name does he think we will reach an agreement with a final order. I just want it done and over but i refuse to give him everything he wants.

I feel he is up to something whether its to emotionally break me or if hes choosing to now fight for primary custody. I have been very compliant with what the judge said dispite having NO temp order in place. I still allow him every other week since school is out and gave him the equal time for him to put her in swim lessons (giving him 3 weeks straight). Its taking everything in my being not to snap at him.

Also since i can do it any time do you all think i should go in and file for immediate physical custody (i truely feel it may be best for our child). I know full well that just because i file does not mean it will be awarded. I just look at the toll it takes on my little girl and believe me she puts up a strong big girl face through it all. But shes getting plagued with nightmares and i see the stress this has on her.
Also do you think it would be wise that once school starts (providing theres no order in place) that i should hold off on visitation. In washingtion state until there is a parenting plan or order in place signed by a judge i am not required to let him have her.

Please any helpful advice will help. Thank you all.

** edit**

The only reason i allow with the continued visits is because when he took me to court to gain a temp order (which never got filed because i did not sign!) is because that is what the judge requested. I am all for doing what the judge requested dispite not having an order in place. As far as not allowing visits if i suspect he wont return her (because theres not order he has the equal right to not bring her back) i can deny visits for fear he will not return her and yes he has threatened not to return her.
As far as what i expect to happen on the 22nd is just that our divorce be legal and everything after that will come with later court hearings and probably mediation. I know it wont be done in one day in court and i know for sure we will never reach an agreement outside of court due to the fact im thinking about 2 people (me and my child) and he only about himself.

What can I do next?

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More Answers

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C.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hun, you are in shady water going in without an attorney. If you can get one- do it.
Divorce is an ugly affair and I have no doubt he is trying to 'break' you. This is a classic attorney move, prolonging it. Think about it- every time the attorney speaks to you or him, has his secretary draw up papers, etc; HE MAKES MONEY!
If he has made threats to not return the child- document it. That is a valid excuse to not allow visits.
For the child's sake- do neutral visits. Skype. Meet at a playground. Let him talk to the child on the phone.
And kudos to you on doing it through the court system.

4 moms found this helpful

Y.M.

answers from Iowa City on

I guess my question is what are you hoping to have happen on the 22nd? Are you just wanting the divorce and plan to figure out custody, visitation, child support, etc. later?

In many states, and I don't know if Washington is one of them, a divorce cannot be finalized until the parties agree on the terms of custody, etc. Maybe the attorney is asking for a delay in the hopes that you two can agree to terms before presenting anything to a judge for finalization?

You don't generally just have one trial to have the judge figure things out for you. That is what the attorneys are for...to negotiate with the other party to try to find something agreeable for everyone. Then if you can't agree you ask the judge to adjudicate certain issues. Then guardian ad litem comes into play and epic battles are waged and it sometimes takes years to work it out.

I think you should get an attorney ASAP and agree on who will have primary custody or shared custody and what visitation will be prior to school starting (and no I don't think you should disallow visitation and frankly I am skeptical that you would have that right). Do not try to have a custody battle if you don't have an attorney.

4 moms found this helpful

L.L.

answers from Dover on

I don't know how things work in WA but if they request to delay the date, there is a strong probability they will get it...especially since he has an attorney.

I just want to say that you are not alone and even the most civil, agreeable divorces can be nerve-wracking to say the least. They only reason I haven't snapped myself is that it would not be in the best interest of our daughter to have a big blow up. I personally could not care less about a relationship/friendship with him (although he thinks we should hang out!!!) but I do care how a negative relationship would affect my girl. Hang in there!

3 moms found this helpful

J.C.

answers from Columbus on

I do not know anything as far as changing the court date.

I do want to make sure you know that since you are already practicing equal parenting time for both parents (you said you 'allow' him every other week) it will be very difficult to get that changed. You have set the status quo as shared, so the burden will be on you to prove that this is no longer in your child/ren's best interest.

2 moms found this helpful
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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

You are going to get screwed if you don't find a way to pay an attorney to represent you.

You will eventually cave due to them filing one paper after another. They are waiting you out. Of course he's going to win.

Request he help you pay for an attorney, I doubt it will go over through the judge but I would ask.

Legal aid does not cover much of anything anymore. They are overworked an no attorney wants to volunteer their time when they can be making hundreds of dollars per hour.

Please get an attorney.

1 mom found this helpful

O.H.

answers from Phoenix on

We have been in and out of court for the last 5 years with my husbands psycho ex. It has cost us 65k. And just because you have an attorney does not guarantee a positive outcome for you. So I'm going to give you some free advice. Do everything possible to agree on your custody and parenting plan outside of court. When you leave it up to the judge, a third party who has no emotion or care of the situation, it could go very wrong for you.

Put your personal feelings for your ex aside. Pick your battles. Do not speak poorly of him or the situation in front of your kid. He is her dad and has every right to see her, just as you do. It will be in your benefit to work with him instead of against him.

If they do file for an extension, simply pick up a form from the courthouse and respond with "Objection to Request for Extension". And list your reasons why you don't agree with the extensions. DO NOT play games with him by refusing to sign court docs, etc. Take care of business and end this. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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