Custody of 7 Month Old

At this age, he definitely needs to spemd a majority of his time with you, and the court will back you up on that. You and your ex will probably be required to attend a PACT class and a custody mediation session at court, both of which should really help to bring him around.

In the meantime, suggest adjusting it so that he spends a small portion of evbery day with the baby, and slightly more time on the weekends, that way your son still cn breastfeed, and get more frequent(and consistent)bonding time with Dad. At this age length of time is almost irrelevant to them, but frequency does have an effect. Just remind Dad that you both want whats best for the baby, and of course, when he gets older, the custody will change.

hey H.,
I do understand that you both are not married. So the good thing about this if you think of it is that you will not need a divorce lawyer. But I do suggest to talk to a mediator, or someone in the middle that can help you both come to an agreement about who will have your child and for how long. And if you both come to agreement in that situation, then you both will not have to go to court. But if not, then you will. I do feel that it is alot for your son to be juggled like that. Can you at lest talk to your ex and see if he can have him on the weekends for now b/c you are breastfeeding him. Plus you can say by then you can store enough milk for him to have for the time he is there. But as time goes on both of you guys will have to come up with some kind of agreement dealing with your child. you don't want your son feel as though he does not have a home to call home. And yes, this will be difficult for you and your ex because both of you want him so much. Maybe you can try to have him to watch your son during your working hours (that is if he does not work the same hours as you). And maybe he can be happy with that. So he will have him during your working hours and when you are done, you can pick him up to take him home. Plus you can also mention to him that he can have him on the weekends, for example every other weekend or so. If you both are still on good terms then I do suggest to keep the family days to. So he can grow up knowing that his mom and dad can get along with each other. I did not have that when I was a child, my mom and dad would fight everytime they was around each other. That was the worse experience I had during my childhood. And parents not all the time realize how that can effect a child. So just try to talk to him and tell him how you feel about the arangments. Let him know how important it is to you about breastfeeding your son. Try to see if he can come up with some new arrangments. When you do talk to him always let him know that you know how important he is to your child and that you would never want to get in the way of that. So at least he understands that you are not out to get him. But like I said if you guys don't find a middle point then I would suggest in finding a mediator who can help you both. I do wish you luck.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I personally think your son is too young to be seperated from you, especially since he is still nursing. Having him every other day would be difficult to keep up your supply. Your poor son would be bouncing back and forth every other day. Could you talk to your ex and explain your son is too young to be bouncing back and forth between homes. Could you try and explain the importance of breastmilk? Refer him to the American Academy of Pediatrics who recommends extended breastfeeding. Allow him to see his son as often as possible but suggest no overnight stays until he is older. If he wants what is best for his son hopefully he will see the importance of breastfeeding and how important it is for your son to be with you at this young age. Good luck.

It has been said that split custody is often more difficult on the child as they get older. They never really have a "home" Children need a stable home and unfortunately one parent gets too see less of the child than the other, usually the father. It is a sad, hard fact but it is what it is. I am going through the same thing myself. My ex and I separated the beginning of the year just before our daughters second birthday, we were together 12 years but not married. I AM the BEST person to raise my daughter. Period, fair or not. He gets to be with her every other weekend (no overnights yet) and it is what it is. As parents what is best for the child is what comes first, not what is best for the parents. I know to many people who split the kids and it has always ended up disastrous, I believe that every child needs some place that is HOME, and being shipped around for the mere reason of fairness for mom and dad is not a good reason. Good luck, I hope everything goes well for you, it has been seven months and I at times still struggle with the whole custody issue, I may sound a little to hard, but I know that my ex is simply not a capable parent, one of the many reasons we are no longer together, anyway, I really wish you well.

Custody is ugly 99% of the time. You need a mediator. If he makes more than you, you can offer to "for go" the child support he would owe you in favor of he not having any overnight visitation for the first 2 years. If your baby doesn't take ANY formula, you will VERY likely win this if it goes to court, but... If he takes even 4oz of forumla a day, he will probably suceed in 50/50 custody. If it is decided that it will be 50/50, I sugest going with a 3 day-3 day or a 4 day-4 day rotation. This allows for him to have sability from the aspect of not being CONSTANTLY jugled.

My friend got hosed in her custody, because she had a job that gave her T,W,TH off so the judge gave the father M,F,S. and every other Sundy. The part that sucks is she worked at a bank, so every Monday holiday that she had off, he got the baby, and then she still need to have a babysitter on one of the other days she normally had off. She also NEVER gets her for Saturday, which is when most of her family parties are. She also HATES the that on her Sundays- She has the baby (just turned 3y) on Thursday, Dad Friday & Saturday, her Sunday, Dad Monday, her Tuesday. She feels like her daughter doesn't know if she's coming or going.

Also, if you go to mediation, I would request that holidays AND his birthday rotate- REGAUDLESS of who's "day" it is. My friend wanted to rotate it from their 2nd mediation and he said "No! A day is a day!" Well, this year Easter, 4th of July, their daughters b-day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New years day ALL fall on her time, so suddenly- he wants to change it, and she says "Maybe next year!" (When she'd only get Thanksgiving and Christmas.)

If you want other things she WISHES she'd have requested in the agreement, pm me and I'll try to give you more.

I hope it works out for you! I hate seeing how hard it is on the parents AND the children. ~J.

Stability will come for your son by have two parents who are involved in his life and who love him. I understand the breastfeeding issue and that too is important for your infant son. It is a blessing that the father wants to be so involved. I wish you both could work things out to be married and raise your son together, but do whatever you must do to have you both involved. He needs you both.

Gosh, I really wish you well. What you're going through is not easy, to say the least. I totally understand about your breastfeeding concerns... and you are right. This shouldn't be interfering in that. Breastfeeding is very important, and he is still an infant. Does your Ex truly understand that? If your boy is juggled between households, yes, your breastfeeding ability will be compromised and your milk may dry up....or be lessened. If your Ex wants what's best for your boy... he should be informed of that. Your boy doesn't have a 'voice' in this... you have to be his advocate. ANd yes, stability is most important... at this young age it matters... and infants need their mothers...for breastfeeding or otherwise. Your Ex needs to understand this. He's just an INFANT. You need to consult all the resources you can, and have documentation and medical recommendations & whatever you can obtain. Can you speak to your Ex reasonably, and make him understand this? The needs of an infant are important...and your breastfeeding is important. Make sure to get a GOOD attorney, to advocate for you and your concerns. A breastfeeding mother should have rights.
Good luck, very much.
~susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Wow, you poor thing. This sounds to be really hard.
I don't know what advice I can give for an infant. But, when I was a kid, my parents had 50/50 custody of me. It started when I was 6 years old. At first I would switch back and forth every week and every other weekend. Then every 2 weeks, then 4 weeks. It sucked for me. I basicly lived out of a black trash bag. By the time I unpacked at one house, I would have to pack all my clothes again. My life was like that until I turned 15. I really don't know what would have been better though. I feel like I'm a pretty balanced person even having to grow up like that.
I think that you should have the majority of the custody, especially since you are breast feeding. The every-other-day living situation sounds very confusing and anything but stable. I cant imagine trying to figure that out as a child.
Besides its your baby, you have every right to be selfish.

Hi H., your little boy is what is most important. It doesn't really matter if you hurt his daddys feelings. That will happen alot. you have to do what your gut tells you. and I'm guessing it's telling you that your son should be with you, for the majority of the time.Good luckwith whatever you decide to do.