Crying When I Am Not by Her Side

I am sooo going through this right now. Sometimes just trying to get to the other side of the kitchen can be tough since my daughter is clinging to my legs. She is 12 months right now, and I cannot remember when she started it. I am a WAH mom so I am with her all day. Fortunately, I can sometimes get away when my hubbie gets home from work or if family or other children are around. She is my social butterfly :)

Ignoring a baby's cries is pretty much the most heartless thing a parent can possibly do. I hate to hear that kind of advice. We're told it's necessary in order to raise an "independent" child, but the opposite is actually true. By tending to your child and meeting his needs he will grow up to be a confident, well adjusted and independent adult.

That said, yes, your daughter is going through a seperation anxiety stage. It can last for months. And it's perfectly normal. Can you put her in a sling or back carrier so that she's with you and feels secure? Or can you try to do the chores that take you out of the room when she's napping? Or put her in a high chair right next to you (while doing dishes, for example) and involve her (if the tray on her high chair is deep, put a little water in it and give her a spatula or something, she can splash a little). I think part of the seperation is that she just wants to be near you, and part of it is that she wants to be involved.

Hopefully doing stuff like that will make you days a little easier. Make sure, however, that you're tending to your needs as well. Find a babysitter you trust (preferably family or friends...) and get out! It can be hard for us stay at home mamas to remember that our needs are important too.

M.,
Welcome to the are! Unfortunately, this is totally normal. My daughter does the same thing, she will scream while I'm doing chores and she can see me because I'm technically not paying attention to her but she can see me. I just have to let her cry at times or I just don't get things done.
Good Luck

I would say it is normal, and just a stage. My son (19 months) had it too at about the same time. He was finally over it at about 14 or 15 months. Although it still happens from time to time, it is not as bad as it was.
Good Luck!

She's just going through separation anxiety and it will ease in a little while. Don't worry about it, just keep doing what you are doing and she will grow out of it, only for it to come back again around 18 months.

Hi M.~
Well, at least when it happens you can get a chuckle knowing that you are not alone. My little guy is doing it, too. If I sit in the livingroom with him, he is fine...but if I leave the room he wants to follow me. I have found that if I can sneak out while daddy is in there, I can get a few things done if he doesn't see me. It doesn't happen all day long, just a few times a day, so I figure the cleaning can wait. Soon I will be wishing he wanted me so much! We do put him in a walker (we have no stairs) so he can follow me around and he LOVES it! I'm not a fan of baby-wearing but it's strictly a personal decision. You are a good mom either way!

One thing, though...lets not call each other heartless and such...we are all trying to be the best moms we can be. We are on here looking for fresh ideas, not hateful comments. If you "have it all figured out" and always offer advice but never ask a question, that's fine, but the rest of us are sharing successes and failures. Your parenting ideas/opinions are appreciated, but that doesn't make them right! I know lots of people who have left other sites for this very reason. Let's play nice!! :)

M., Good luck...this, too, shall pass!! :)
~L.

totally normal. My son is 9.5 months and started that about two or three weeks ago. He is a good sleeper, but when he is awake, he generally wants mommy. Breaks Daddy's heart sometimes. I try to leave him with Daddy on the weekends, even if its just for 30min, so he realizes I come back etc. I dont know how long the stage will last but my doctor told me to ingore his cries at night if i can (if he is not sick etc) and if he throughs little fits, try not to give him attention. However, if he is pulling on my leg to be held, hold him and play with him when/if I can. Good luck! this stage can be daunting i think!

My 10 month old daughter is going through the same stage.
I feel that there should be a balance of giving them attention and not. If you constantly respond every time they cry they will not learn to be independent and comfort themselves. But if you constantly ignore their cries they will feel rejected and have a lack of self confidence. When she's awake and needs attention I do things like laundry (she "helps" me fold clothes on the floor) and dishes (she bounces in her jumper behind me while I sing to her) or gardening (she sits in her stroller and watches everything around her). A sling has also really helped me. I take her to the office everyday and she can sit in my lap while I'm working on the computer. After she's been spending time with me for a good while she seems to be better about being by herself when I put her in her crib or pack and play to do more tedious things. She'll sometimes cry for the first five minutes but then settles down. My rule is that if she cries for longer than a few minutes it's okay to come back and get her. Then I figure - let's just play and forget all the work to be done - she's only this age once!

I have a 16 month old daughter and she went through this phase at about the same time. It is really tough sometimes. She was pretty independent before that then all of a sudden, I couldn't leave her side. It passes though. When I think back now, I kind of miss it a little bit. My daughter is a toddler now and too busy to want to be with me. Just enjoy it and let the little stuff go in your house. There will be plenty of time for that later. She will only be this age and need you like she does once.

M.-

Definitely a stage. My older son did it and my younger one is starting to. I call it "mama-boy syndrome". There were times that I just had to let him scream, just so I could unload the dishwasher. It's rough, but it will get better.

-A.

Hi M.,
Sounds pretty normal to me. Both of my boys went through stages like this. I can't remember exact ages but it seems like it was right around 1. Good luck. Hopefully it is just a stage.
Chris
P.S.
I agree with Lacy, you aren't heartless if you let your kids "cry it out". People shouldn't give advice if they are going to be mean.

Welcome to the wonderful separation anxiety time of her life. Plus you said you just moved. All normal, unfortunately. She will get over it. I too had / have a very clingy baby. She is almost 2 now and is still clingy around new people and experiences. It will pass eventually. Also, I wanted to let you know that I am part of a local stay at home moms club. We have weekly activities and playgroups that will introduce you and your daughter to the area as well as meet some great other women going through the exact same thing. Perhaps having some support as you go through this might be easier. If interested in more info, please email me at ____@____.com. J.

Like a previous poster suggested, you could try wearing her during housework... and like EVERYONE said, she will totally grow out of it.

First of all, don't ever feel like a bad parent because you don't hold your child 24/7, it's actually better for them in the long run. Also, that is totally normal, my daughter started that around 9 monthes, and it got so bad at one point she wouldn't let ANYONE not even daddy pick her up, only me! If I even turned my back to leave the room, she would start screaming. The best advice I can give you is to do exactly what you are already doing!! It is a stage and she will get throught it.