Unspoiling a Spoiled Child!

I say slow down and savor the moment that soon will be gone. Soon enough she will be on her way all about not wanting to be held at all.

she is to young to be spoiled, I also have a 7 month old daughter and two older boys, I raerly get anthing done, BUT she will be big so soon.
She is probably beging her seperation anxiety, I would put her in a sling or carrier and see what you can do around her, that is how I get the little done that I do, or I just let her cry for the 5 minutes it takes to start laundry and well never get it folded. She will grow out of it, and ignoring her will actually make it take longer.
Good luck

Have you tried a sling or a Baby Bjorn or something like that? Then she can have you near and you can work (though at an admittedly slower pace).

Don't worry, she's not spoiled, just overwhelmed with the info coming into her brain from the world. Think of it as if someone had dropped you in the middle of a foreign country with absolutely no resources and you only know 1 person - that's your daughter! ; )

I have a 10 month old who went through that phase. It's normal, but exhausting, of course. He still wants to be held sometimes, and he's 31" and 27 lbs (the size of a 16 month old!) I have the ERGO baby carrier, which you can wear on the front, hip, or back, and I usually piggy-back him if he really needs to be held. I've vacuumed, cooked, dusted, straightened up, etc. with him on my back, no problems. I love the thing and he's a happy camper.

From the experience of a woman who raised 96 kids through a home daycare...my mother said to me,when my daughter was doing that,let her.She needs to be assured that you love her it is normal and it is a need babies have!!In the link below you will find all kinds of books to understanding your childs needs!! She loves you so much and wants you to hold her and this is a great sign that she is normal and she trusts you!! You are doing a great job with her...Keep it up!! Feel free to e-mail me anytime!

--M. (____@____.com)

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/105-###-###-####-###...

Hi Liz,

She's not spoiled, she's just a baby! They want to be within sight of you and as close to you as possible. What helped me tremendously (I would've gotten nothing done around my house without it!!) was to carry my little one in a sling. One website to check out is www.hotslings.com There's so many different types of slings out there, you can find a ton on the internet if you just do a search.

Good luck & welcome to the SAHM world.....it's a much busier place than most new mommies ever imagined!

:-) H.

Your daughter is at the age where they experience seperation anxiety. It is normal for them to be clingy because of it. I know it can be frustrating to not get things done, but remember that she will only be a baby for a little while. She will grow out of this phase when she can get around more and will start being independent as she gets into toddler-hood. I was always one to hold my babies whenever they wanted it and it seemed to give them much needed security as they have grown up. I guess what I'm trying to say is, try to keep things in perspective and remember that you are a stay at home mom, because you want to be with your baby; not to have a clean house. Good luck and hang in there. Children are not dependent forever! :)

I don't think she's spoiled. She just wants to be with you. Both my boys were(and are-I have a 7 month old, too) like that. With my older son, I would put him on the floor with some toys he liked and stay in the room, but let him play alone for as long as he would which wasn't long at first. As time went by, he would play for longer amounts of time even when I left the room. But I did carry mine around alot!! My 7 month old weighs 26 lbs. and my now almost 4 year old never wants me to hold him which I sometimes miss. So do the housework when she naps and enjoy her. She'll never be this age again.

don't give in. you are teaching her if she cries enough you will give her what she wants. have special time just for her that you sit and play with her. no phone, no tv, just you and her. say "ok, it's ava time!" and make it clear that is her time with you. then after atleast a half hour say ok, ava time is over. and go do something. that way she feels special and that your house work isn't taking time away from her. this will only work if you do it every day at the same time and have age appropriate toys for her to play with!

I LOVE when my daught wants nothing but me to hold her! WHo cares about the cleaning! You can clean when she is old enought to think she doen't need you anymore!

(((Liz))) First off don't think you are spoiling her when you do hold her a lot. I promise you aren't ruining her. But like you are pointing out, you can't do that 24/7! It is ok to put her down for a bit while you cook or pick up. She is getting to the age where she can play a little by herself for those short spurts of time (within view of you of course). My first son was/is a high-demand child. He always wanted to be entertained (still does) by me. So, I feel your pain!

Baby Einstein videos and a play pen =) worked for me!! Hop and Pop works great too or an exersaucer.

That is not spoiled. Children at that age are usually starting with some seperation anxiety. Just pick her up and love her. There will be a time when she won't want to be held. Just enjoy her now. I have a poem that says

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow.
For babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

I definatly agree you can't spoil a baby, now when they are about one or two thats about time to start getting her little more indepent, it took my son along time for me to stop holding him and then I had to keep reassuring him that he was ok without me. so dont worry about this issue quite yet, and use nap time and bed time for a little extra time for cleaning.

Well Liz, I am experiencing the same thing with my 21 month old and I am 8 months pregnant. When my daughter was younger I would just hold her until she got tried of being held and it seemed to work.
Everyone told me that she needed love attention and I should hold her. Everyone told me that there is no such thing as spoiling or giving too much love. I understand your frustration and especially now that I am so big and tried from the pregnancy. I do not know what will happen when the new baby comes. I guess she will just have to cry. I would love some advice on this matter as well.

Give her time and attention. She is beginning to realize that you and she are not inseperably connected, and it frightens her. Use her nap and sleep times to get things done, and maybe let a few things go for a little while. She will outgrow this fairly quickly if you reassure her now that you are there for her. This is the first tear in the apron string.

A little about me: mother of 6, SAHM for 20 years. Wouldn't trade a minute of it.

She's at that age that children learn to play by themselves, so now is a perfect time to draw some lines. Allow her to fuss and cry. Tell her mommy is cleaning and give her something special to do she only gets to do when you are cleaning.

I would put my daughter in the highchair or pack & play (within view) and offer a sweet snack, let her play with cups and balls and even allow her to fingerpaint (with the Crayola Mess Free paints). She remained occupied, and was no longer underfoot while I swept and mopped the floors.

You can also limit your housework to naptime.

I am the SAHM of 2 with one on the way, and the hardest adjustment for me to make was to know that the house is not going to be as clean as it was before the baby....EVER! Good luck.

It's been a long time since mine were little and I'm probably coming from the old school here. Neither of them were that clingy. My son at about 6 month cried when I left his sight but would settle down when he saw me again (he was in a walker). My daughter didn't seem to mind where I was but knew
I was there (breastfed baby).

Everyone loves a happy baby. Many people want a clean house and everything in order. To do that you would have to make a schedule and follow it. Break down all of your household chores into daily duties and make a chart and stick to it. List certain things to day in morning and afternoon (after lunch and nap time). Also make a diner list for a month and make sure you have those items on hand and make your meals up. You don't have to be on a tight budget to want to have nice homemake meals. It sure helped with a mountain of clothes that got folded and put away to meals on the table when hubby got home. We even walked down to the park (including stroller) and played in the sand. Hubby would stop by and pick us up and take us all home in the truck. After dinner when dishes were done I would mop the floor as she was crawling around and yes you could eat off my floors then but you couldn't now-just regular cleanings. The schedule will show you where you will some time for yourself (use it without any kids). I used to take a bath when dad got home and he would play with his kids and enjoy the daddy time.

Babies learn that you have to be by themselves in sight of mom in playpen or highchair or naptime and that mom is there. Yes, she/he will probably cry and want you to pick them up but they will learn that it is okay and safe. But constantly holding a child to do everything does not work as you have written. The only time she really wanted me NOT out of her sight when she was about 3 weeks old and I wanted to do my hair and she was in her crib. To remedy the problem, I propped her up in a laundry basket of dirty clothes so she could see in the bathroom and she was content. I have a picture of her in the laundry basket as happy as can be on the floor in the bathroom in her baby book. As they have said each child is different.

anyone who say use a carrier is cray i have a 7month old and he is heavy!I dont have to much advice mine is doing the same thing the onything that keeps him happy for a little while so i can get things done is his jumperoo I have the rainforest one and he loves it.I dont know if you have one of these or not so this might not help very much but you might give it a try if you havent all ready they also have the ones that hang in the doorway.Dont get me wrong I love that my son wants my attention but i know where you are coming from.Im very behind on laundry and housecleaning.I also care for a two year old during the day.Time flys by

Trust me, there will come a day when she won't let you hold her. For my babes, it was when they began to walk ~ 11 months with my son and 10 months with my daughter. You should cherish this time.

WITH THAT SAID.....

you have to draw boundries and giving in to her whining is teaching her to throw fits to get what she wants. Have a huge snuggle fest and shower her with attention before you clean house. Try not to do too much in a stretch of time. Maybe instead of telling youself "I want to do the dishes", tell yourself, "I want to unload the dishwasher", then giver her your undivided attention. Then, when she has her fill of Mommy time, Tell yourself, "I am now going to load the dishwasher". Also, try one-a-month bulk cooking to save time during dinner. Wear her in a backpack while you vacuume. (My kids love to ride ON the vacuume!!) Also, learn to keep things basic. Put toys in bins out of reach and allow only one bin at a time. Kids get overwhelmed easily and this keeps the toys new and exciting (also referred to as rotating toys).

Being a stay at home mom is not a cake walk. It is the hardest job in the world. Just don't sweat the "small" stuff!! Normally, moms with really clean houses either have a maid, have easy kids, or use the tv as a babysitter.

All the best, Liz

You can't spoil a child that young. What you can do is buy yourself a sling so you can go about your day with arms free.

I totally understand! If I am cleaning the kitchen then he gets two pots to play with and he sits in his chair and plays with them. Now that he is older he is able to get down by himself and is starting to play more on his own in his room. When I clean the living room I give him a bath rag and he crawled around on his hands and knees. I will say that he put it in his mouth one time and hasn't done it again. I may be scaring a lot of moms out there, but I do not believe in shielding my sons from dirt. Not that I let them sit and eat, but most children will taste it and then spit it out. And that is exactly what he did. He also likes the rechargeable sweeper. He started using that about six months ago. I say if they want to be by you teach them to help. He likes when I fold clothes. He gets to get all of the socks out and he puts them in a pile. After I am done folding everything else I go to the pile and sort through the socks. It sometimes takes a little longer, but we have fun. He likes cleaning time. I would also like to add that my house is a toxic free house. We use all natural cleaners! So he isn't breathing in harsh chemicals. If you would like to learn more just let me know.
H. M.

I don't think she is spoiled. I firmly believe that a child of that age cannot be spoiled, more though she is showing her separation anxiety from you. Babies want your constant attention. My daughter was the same way, and it was hard to get things done too, but sometimes I would just have to go and do what I needed and either take her along, or leave her for a few minutes, and reappear so that she knows that you will always come back.

Hi Liz,
I tend to agree with the other mommies that I don't really think it's that much that she is spoiled as just going through I normal stage for her age. That sure doesn't make it any easier for you! It's a really hard time when they become so clingy and you feel that you can't do anything! I would suggest that you do watch that you don't begin to hold her "all the time" and set yourself up for problems later though. Try distraction with toys or singing, telling her a story to try and move the focus onto other things than you. Soon enough she'll be moving away from you when she gets more mobile so try and enjoy the cuddle time for now if you can.
C.

HI Liz,
I have an almost 2 year old boy and just had alittle girl who is now one month old. I have noticed that my little girl is much different in the way that she wants to be held ALL the time. I will put her to sleep, but she senses the second I leave the room and will cry and cry until I pick her up. Once I pick her up, she is as happy as can be but I can't hold her all day long! Lately, I have started to trick her by placing a recently worn shirt or bra next to her when she's sleeping so that she thinks its me. Its really the only thing that allows me a little break and time to get something done.

I wouldn't necessarily say your child is spoiled. I think maybe its just that she is a girl and most girls like to be held and coddled. But I could be wrong. My little boy was so easy. I could put him in the swing or on a playmat and he was fine. Very independent. He still is. But my little girl is a different story and I fear I am getting a preview of things to come.
I am looking forward to reading your advice as it may be useful to me in the futire. ;)

This was discussed in a post last week with a slightly older baby. You really cannot spoil kids this age. Babies have a natural instinct and need to be close to their mothers. What I did with my boys was to use one of the backpack style baby carriers to get stuff done. I could cook, do laundry and vaccum with them back there. I used it until they were well over two. Personally, I have no regrets that I mostly gave in when my boys wanted to be held or carried alot as they grow up so fast and I truly miss that closeness. We still cuddle (my boys are 12 and 15) but IMHO there is nothing that beats holding a baby. It is actually extremely important for their emotional AND physical development to be held alot. It will get easier as she gets more mobile and can occupy herself, but 7 months is way too young to have expectations like that. They do need some floor time and I found that once my boys spent some time in the backpack, they were okay with being on the floor with the baby gym, etc. for a while.

I agree. She just loves you and wants to be with you, because she feels loved and secure with you. I know what you mean, though, about not getting to do stuff without them. After I began using a carrier (wearable one), it was so much easier to do stuff. I wore them on the front until they were old enough to wear on my back. I got to do laundry and dishes and clean and even watch t.v. :) My backpack one is able to stand; so, if they fell asleep, I just took it off and propped it on the floor, allowing them to continue resting while I finished up or rested.

It was so much easier than using one arm to try to clean or do anything! lol It is so difficult, sometimes, to remember how much they depend on us and how secure we make them feel. It's all new to them; so, naturally, it could be a little scary or they are curious and want to see things at our eye level. So, wearing them allows them to see all of these things and how to do them. She will learn so much from you just by being worn while your work!