Crying Baby to Sleep Is It safe?/Fiance & Son Not Meshing Well, What to Do!!!!

It would send up big red flags if any of my children responded that way when their dad or a family member walked into the room. My babies/toddlers were very much attached to me, but I can't recall a single time they ever reacted that way (if I was still there....now it was another story if I was trying to leave them in say the church nursery!)

Has your fiance ever been left alone with your son, even for a few minutes? If so, I think it's very important to consider the possibility that he hurt and/or scared your son. I realize that's a harsh thing to say, but I have to be honest, that's the first thing that came to my mind.

As for not being on the same page parenting-wise...he is NOT the parent! He is not your son's dad by birth or adoption AND he is not your husband, so at this point, his parenting philosophy doesn't enter into the picture. I agree with the person who recommended moving back in with your grandparents. By living with your "fiance", your dependence on him can't help but influence you and possibly cloud your judgement, making you second guess your mothers instinct. Living with your grandparents sounds like it may provide the stability you both need while you get back on your (own) feet. I wish you the best...

Crying it out. First of all you should know that many Mothers feel very strongly either for or against crying it out. Personally I am not in favor of crying it out. I think that the child feels abandoned and when they finally do go to sleep from this method it is because thier spirit has been broken and they have given up the idea that you will comfort them and I never want my children to think that I will not be there to comfort them. With that said I do think that it is ok to let your son cry for a little bit (5 min or so). This is our bed time routine. Say prayers, read a story, rock for about 5 min, put in bed. By age two they were able to fall asleep on thier own but before that I usually had to stand by the crib and rub thier head/tummy for awhile. Gradually the amout of time that I needed to help sooth them lessened. But if you do try this know that he will try to get up so you can hold him but even if he is crying and you are standing by the bed at least he knows that you have not abandoned him. I also highly suggest the No Cry Sleep Solution book.
Your Fiance. All three of my girls went through a phase at this age where they would ONLY go to me. My husband is a very involved father and it really hurt him that they would run to me when he came in the room. But they did out of grow that stage. Your son might also be going through some seperation anxity and when he sees your Fiance he might think that you are going to leave.
I hope that this is helpful for you.
Many Blessings, K.

My son gravitates toward me as well and went through a phase where he did not like Daddy. Our parenting techniques are different as well, so he runs to me for comfort still at 7.
Your son will warm up to your fiance in time.
As for your other question, you are not a bad mother to want to set up a routine.....it will take time because you are changing his routine of being rocked. Maybe start out by putting him in his bed and reading to him until he falls asleep...then read to him until he's almost asleep....then read to him and leave while he's still awake. Or just be in the room doing something so he knows you're there. It's a process that will take time.

Move back in with Grandma and grandpa... never choose a man over your son. If and/ or when your son warms up to to your "finace" (in quotes because it doesn't sound like you have a date for the wedding set up, yet) then you can discuss the date and living arrangements. If your fiance truly loves you AND your son, then you can talk about the date, living arrangements and forever!!! You already made one bad choice of men ~ the father for your son, don't make another bad one. Your son probably already feels like he's been moved around a lot ~ from Arizona ~ from grandma's and now to this new place!!! that'a a lot of moving for a little guy, He likes routine. Give hime all the affection he craves, or it will come back to haunt you. FOLLOW your mother's instincts in discipline... they are right. Love (of your son) is the answer...

You need to start letting him cry himself to sleep. Put him in his room with a stuffed animal that he really loves and sit with him for a few minutes while you rub his back. Explain to him gently that it is time for bed and that you will be in the other room if he absolutely needs something. Read him a story and walk out of the room. Or, another common suggestion is to give him a bath and let daddy put him to bed and read him a bed time story. Then, both of you should leave the room alone. Crying it out is okay, but if he starts screaming at the top of his lungs, go in and rub his back a little to calm him down but DO NOT take him out of his crib or toddler bed. Once he's calmed down, kiss the top of his head and walk out of the room. It may take time, but eventually he'll get it and go to sleep in his own bed. You have to stop it now if you want any kind of life with your fiance.

Your son is perfectly normal in his response to your fiance. My 4 year old daughter still favors me over her father. If you are wondering how long you can expect your fiance to stick around given the emotional beating - the answer is that he should be in this relationship for the long haul. If either of you has any doubts that he can be a father to your son then you need to end the relationship now. Your son has been through a lot of upheaval - he has moved 3 times in 17 months, that's a lot to get used to at any age. Be patient with your son (and your fiance), your son is learning and changing daily. I would continue to let him cry himslef to sleep - he needs to learn to self soothe (no matter how traumatic it is for you at first), he will get the hang of it.

Good luck - you have a lot on your plate.