Me again!
I'm just starting to put my baby girl into her crib without rocking her to sleep. And she cries and cries. Now part of me is dyin' cuz I'm thinking she thinks I don't love her otherwise I'd be in there. And I have everyone else tellin me that she's got me wrapped around her finger and that she's playing me. How can a 9 month old "play" you? Am I wrong? Should I pick her up when I want to? Will it lead to trouble later down the road when she gets older? Help!
thank you all so much for all your feedback! I really appreciate it. I seriously felt like I was letting her down by not coming when she needed me or putting her to sleep in her crib. I do rock her now...I hate listening to her cry at night...up until your responses, that's what we've been doing because it was the "right thing to do" and she only cries for about 10 min or so---but those 10 minutes are torture for me.
Thank you so much to whoever said to rock her now because she won't want to later. My husband and I are probably only going to have just her, no more, so I'm going to listen to all the moms out there and love my baby while I can. Thank you!
She is just not accustomed to this new routine. She does need to learn to soothe herself though. Try letting her sit in your lap and look through a picture book for a few minutes before bedtime. Then, tuck her in. My daughter even went so far as to take her book into her bed and "read" to her teddy bear. It only took a few nights and then she had her new routine down. Good luck!
Why aren't you rocking her? She's only 9 months old! It is obviously a major part of her bedtime routine-don't stop all of a sudden. If I were you, I'd still be rocking-it doesn't last for long! As she gets older you can gradually cut back on the amount of time you rock (use a timer if you need to). Rock her for a little while then put her in her crib and stroke her back for a minute or 2. She'll need to be able to "self comfort" eventually so that you can have her go to sleep for other people-like Grandma or a babysitter!
For all those people that are telling you she's 'manipulating' you, there is a whole slew of literature and serious research out there from experts who (I think) know better: that a baby is not developmentally ready to manipulate anyone, but rather is reacting naturally to the fact of being left alone. Babies aren't capable of protecting themselves from ANYTHING, so she is rightfully scared. She has no idea, first of all, that she isn't in a world where a bear or a lion could show up and eat her, and secondly, our 'civilized world' is not that safe either. Babies need their mothers, and they need to feel safe. Your instincts are telling you that--trust them! And if you go to mothering.com (excellent site of an excellent magazine) you'll be able to find many articles written by serious experts that you can then show those people who have only read 'cry-it-out' books. Yes, babies will apparently stop crying at some point, but not because they know how to 'soothe themselves' (how could a baby do that? with what psychological resources?) but because they give up--and that doesn't mean it's less traumatic or frighteneing to be alone.
I'm sorry, I get a bit worked up when I see how people still believe that babies are capable of being 'spoiled' and someohow need to be 'taught a lesson'. It's sad.
good for you for questioning the culture around you...
G.
I believe that babies can sense stress. Are you stressed? If so, she is reflecting it.
Why not rock her? It's a special bedtime ritual. I don't consider it spoiling.
If she's used to a bedtime ritual and now you are changing it, that is why she is crying. She can't say "mommy why are things differnt?"
I used to talk to my daughter all the time. I found that when I told her of our daily plans, things went smoothly. When I did not, she would be fussy and a real pain. I started experimenting with this when she was a week old.
When she was old enough to talk, she'd ask each morning, what is going on today. It helped her feel secure if she knew the plans. It did not matter what the plans were. Some days I would say, I'll pick you up from school but I don't know what we'll do and that was alright too. She just wanted to be in the loop.
As a mother of a grown child, rock the kid! Before you know it, she won't want it anymore. They grow up so damn quick.
Your job right now is to be a loving mommy. I don't know who told you that you were spoiling her. You are loving her in a way she can understand.
If your husband is jealous (lacks your attention!) then tell him that after you rock her to sleep, you'll come give him some "special time too". (SEX!)
Sometimes mommies are too focused on the kids and forget that daddy needs loving and special time too!
It's almost Valentine's Day so plan something "special" for the guy that made you a mommy!
I read a poem once that might have an answer to your question....
Cleaning & Scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow
so quiet down cobwebs & dust go to sleep
for Im rocking my baby & babies dont keep.
Rock her... they grow up so so fast. I blinked & my boys are now 6 & 8... where did the time go!?!?
If, when you rock you baby, she goes to sleep and stays asleep after you put her in her bed, I say rock your baby. You'll be glad you did. I rocked my first baby and never had any problems with her. Rocking a baby is a very special time for you and her. You may not be able to rock the next one. My second baby didn't like being rocked and that's ok too. Every child is different. Love 'em and care for them as long as you can. Life is short.
