Confused About Gust Invites for Wedding.

Maybe instead of not inviting her, set up a fun kids area at the wedding with small toys, coloring books, and kid snacks to keep them all entertained.

I had that problem when i got married in 2005.. My dad paid for the reception so he said no kids..except the flower girl and ring bearer..what a mess....we tried to do it that way..and at the last minute we had to add like 4 kids plates..we were not happy..good luck wish i had more advice..try what we did and say no kids...

I've been thinking of a good response to your dilemma, which believe me, I completely understand. We have a relative who has three completely out of control boys in it, the middle son actually punched my 8 months pregnant tummy last x-mas! His mother simply yelled from across the room, "Hey, don't hit her, she has a baby in her tummy!" That family is always an issue when it comes to a family event.
On to your problem with your wedding... I have been married twice, once in a formal church wedding, and to my current husband in a civil ceremony at the foot of a mountain in Colorado. They both had their ups and downs about them. I'm also a wedding photographer, so I have plenty of experience with Brides on their wedding days.
My advice to you as far as how to get your cousin to leave her child behind is not to try it. Send her an invite like everyone else, grin and bare it during your ceremony if the daughter starts acting crazy, and chances are you won't even hear it happening, you'll be busy marrying the man of your dreams, and everyone else will be busy watching you. My experience is that you can plan everything down to the very last detail, and there are bound to be things happen that you didn't plan for, or plans that don't work out that day. The best thing you can do for you is to try to relax and understand that not everything is in your control that day (or any day for that matter). Do the best you can to make the day special and the way you picture it, but then you have to be sure to enjoy it. Chances are you won't have time to even notice your cousin or her child, and those closest to you probably won't be paying them much attention either, this day afterall is about YOU... and your beloved. ;o)
Most of the time Brides don't even recall their trip down the aisle, and you and your new husband are so busy being wrapped up in being brand new husband and wife that you don't even remember who was there or not there.
So, to save face with your cousin, don't make a big fuss or treat her any different than anyone else. Hopefully she'll realize that her child is the only one acting crazy at the time and she'll take care of it herself. If not, trust me it'll be a blip in your day and no one will have hard feelings afterwards.
Goodluck!

I just went through this with my own wedding. All I did was not include (in your case, your cousin's daughter) on the invitation. Just put Mr. and Mrs. Such and such. If after this your cousin doesn't get the hint, let her come. It's not worth damaging your relationship with her. It is your special day but you probably won't even notice her.

Good luck,

L.

This is a touchy subject. On one hand you don't want to offend or hurt your relationship with your cousin, and on the other, it's your big day and you have every right to it. When it comes to our kids no matter how rotten they are we don't want somebody else telling us so. I think no matter how gentle you say it she is still going to get her feelings hurt. However it is still your wedding day and if past experience proves how the little girl acts, I think you have every right to say something. I would just tell her upfront you don't want to hurt her feelings but you are concerned about how her little girl has acted at previous family engagements and since this is such a special day for you would she be willing to find a sitter for her that day. If this is one of your parents neices, maybe one of them can speak to her on your behalf. I hope you come to a peaceful solution.

Good Luck and happy wedding day.
E.

Maybe hire someone to watch the kids so that way everyone can enjoy the ceremony and your cousin can still come or if that's not a option ask her if she can leave the kid with a relative.

If you really don't want her daughter there, then don't invite your cousin. That's really all you can do unless you want to get into a discussion about WHY you don't want her daughter there.
You can always pretend the invite got lost in the mail. If she does show up, maybe you or someone else can suggest to her mom that she looks "tired" or "bored" at the reception and mom should call a sitter to come pick her up.

Are you getting married in a church? Some churches offer separate rooms for nursery/child play areas during the ceremony and reception. They will even have nursery/childcare staff available for a small charge too if you can't find your own. If she ends up coming and brining her daughter that might keep her preoccupied. IT would also make it more enjoyable for other guests with young babies or kids so they can participate in the festivities without distractions too. Congratulations! :)

If you are having it at a church, have you thought about hiring someone to watch children under the age of 10 in the church nursery? Obviously anyone should understand about your children being there, especially if they are part of the wedding. However it isn't unheard of to place a note in an invite that states babysitting provided for children under the age of 10. Another idea would be to request guests with small children to arrive early and make the nursery available to them to play, run around a little and offer something such as a small coloring book or notepad with washable crayons to keep them busy during the ceremony itself. Kids need to burn energy in order to be expected to sit when they are little. If they have that opportunity, they are more likely to do well sitting at least long enough for a ceremony. Good luck with your special day and congrats!

B. :)

There's no way to refuse one child while allowing others. But if you can have a supervised children's area set aside for during the ceremony, and request that kids go there, that would be the best.

Are you getting married in a church? If so, check with your church to see if there is a nursery area you can borrow for the kids who will not be participating in the ceremony. If not, you may want to spend the extra dollars for a babysitter and designate an area in the location where you plan to have the wedding for children. You can include with your invitation an RSVP card that states "Please RSVP a space in the church nursery for any children under 10 years old who will not be participating in the ceremony." That way, you'll know for sure if the mom decides to bring her little one that it won't ruin your day.

Since you're already including children in the wedding celebration you really can't refuse one child. There would no way to avoid hurt feelings with that. But what you could do is provide entertainment and supervised play area for children. You could hire someone to entertain the children during the ceremony and so on for the reception as well.

I think there isn't any way to do it without seriously damaging your relationship with your cousin and possibly other family members who think you are being uptight. Is a 6 year old really going to *ruin* the day? I see that you do daycare so I would expect you know appropriate behavior at different ages/stages. I suppose in this situation, you may have to choose if it is more important to *not* have this child at your wedding or to preserve your relationship with your cousin. There is no way to tell someone "I want you there but not your kid" and come out unscathed.

It has already been suggested to hire a babysitter and have things for the children to do to keep them occupied, but I realize sometimes that can cost, depending on how many children you have there. If nothing else, you could ask a close friend or family member to keep an eye on the child and if she starts to get into trouble they can calmly redirect the child, and let them mention to her mother that this is a wedding and certain behaviors will not be acceptable and if she can not keep her child under control she will be asked to leave early.

There is no rule saying you can't kick someone out for being unruley, and if it's not you who does it, but a careing family member who is in charge of keeping order she can't resent you for it. Then after you can talk to her about it, and work out any issues she may have.

I have a friend who has a daughter much like that. My relationship is such though that I was able to bluntly and honestly tell my friend that I want her and her family there, but if she is unable to keep her child under control she will be asked to leave. She understood the situation and did very well in making sure her daughter did not make a fuss or misbehave. She did end up leaving early though because as her daughter got tired, she became harder to control, but it was her chice, so there were no hard feelings. Good Luck!!

The way I see it, you can either invite your cousin and her child or don't invite either one. You can't really separate the two. If there are going to be other children there, perhaps you could hire a sitter for the duration of the ceremony. If you're getting married at a church, there's probably a nursery or a classroom they could stay in and color or play or whatever. That way, your sanity would remain intact, your cousin wouldn't feel insulted and everybody wins. Hope it all works out!

Jennifer H has a great response. I would add one thing to it, if you have someone close to you whom you can trust - put them on brat patrol. If that child starts acting bad, have them intercede - politely - and if it gets as bad as starting to knock over tables, cakes and throw presents - that person can get rid of them. (Then you don't have to worry about it and you're not the bad guy.). My sis tried to plan every detail that everyone did at her wedding - she spent a lot of time tied in knots because EVERY detail from her to the ushers wasn't EXACTLY like she said. You can't control everything, so don't ruin your day. BUT, I'd have a hard time myself not dragging that kid out by her ear, she is rotten and I hope someone gets her under control before she gets any older, she'll be a doozy. See if you can get someone else to deal with that problem for you, then forget about it! Have a great day!! Let us know how it goes!!

My aunt has a son that is like that. When my brother was getting married he started his attitude before we even left the house to head for the church and my brother told him and his mom that if he didn't straighten up his attitude they weren't allowed at the wedding. He explained that it was his and his wife's special day and he was not going to let them ruin it. You just need to put your foot down and tell her that if she can't keep the kid under control at your wedding then she doesn't need to bring the child or she just doesn't need to come at all. I know it is harsh but you don't want an angry kid to ruin your special day. I should know. I invited the same aunt to my wedding and she brought my dad and left right after the wedding with my dad so I didn't even get my father/daughter dance and that really sucked.

Hello. It sounds like you are very concerned about the behavior of the 6 year old, and since this is your "big day", I can certainly understand. If there are other children that will be attending, not to mention the mother of the child herself, I do not know how you could tactifully ask that she not be allowed to the wedding without hurting someone in the process. I have a friend who has a child that is bipolar and her behavior sounds exactly like the 6 year old. The way she handles the situation is very simple. The mother (my friend) knows what her daughter can be like in public, so for certain things, such as weddings, she simply finds a sitter for her. If however, your cousin does not go anywhere without her, or does not take it upon herself to control situations, then try to remember when you have been around the child, what she may have been doing at times when she does seem calm. For example, maybe she is calmer when drawing. If that is the case, simply ask (or just directly give) a coloring book, paper, pen and crayons to help keep her occupied. Maybe through distraction, she is less apt to cause disruptions with your wedding day. Good luck. I hope that everything works out for you...and congratulations on getting married!