Conference Tomorrow with Son's Teacher and Counselor!!! ADVICE....PLEASE!!

It doesn't sound like you'll listen to this but...it's only first grade!! In hindsight -- my oldest is now 21, I can tell you that all the freaking out we do in first grade is really unfounded. When I look back on how much I worried that my son wasn't completing his first grade assignments, it really seems silly.

Just tell the teacher you'd really like some volunteer opportunities in the classroom, and ask her what she would like you to do. Don't tell her you feel she's overwhelmed, etc., just make it about how you want to volunteer.

How could she be so overwhelmed with only 15 students?

You are awesome to offer to volunteer so much time, as it sounds like that is just what your son's teacher needs. In Northern CA, my daughter's 1st grade class had two 45-mintue long volunteer slots per DAY that were always filled, and the teacher could plan around that. In one hour, the kids did math, and the volunteer helper sat with 1/3 of the kids and oversaw their math (the other 1/3 were on the computer and 1/3 with the teacher). In the 2nd hour, it was reading, with the parent, teacher's aide and teacher each taking 1/3 of the class. I thought it was fabulous. Sorry to say we moved to UT and there didn't seem to be parents involved in the everyday of the school (special activities, 1x/month for art, that kind of stuff, sure, but not core instruction.)

It would seem if your teacher could count on those parents each day, she could really use the resources . . . I would think if you led with the idea that since she doesn't have a teacher's aide, she must surely need the help she wouldn't be offended at all (but it depends, I suppose). You could be a great benefit to helping direct kids in their centers, or even, quite honestly, reading 1-2x/week. Plus, having your pulse on the classroom will be a great benefit to you in helping your son. And I'm hearing from the 5th grade teacher this year, that 5th is the magic grade where the kids suddenly start doing things on their own. Won't that be exciting?!

It sounds to me like you have the right attitude- you are trying to identify the problems, but you also understand that just as the teacher cannot control what happens while your son is with you- YOU can't do anything about what happens during the school day!

It's good that you have empathy for an overworked teacher who sounds like she might need a classroom assistant. But- remember too that you need to advocate for your child. My son is extremely bright and would also do things like answer a question in a very in-depth way- but because he did not follow instructions to the letter, he would get a poorer grade on it! It was very frustrating for him when that happened and sometimes teachers need to be politely reminded that there is more to teaching than just passing out some copies of a worksheet with rote instruction on it.

If you want to be a parent volunteer, I would certainly talk to the teacher about it, but you will probably have to go through the principal or office to arrange it. Some schools can get very touchy because if one class or grade 'gets something' ALL the rooms or grades have to get the same thing, and they might not be able to arrange that. But your heart is definitely in the right place.

Also, I would not fret too much at this stage. First grade is a big change from kindergarten with a whole new set of rules for doing things. It takes many kids- even those who do not have ADHD or anything similar- a while to get the hang of things. Remember, they are learning PROCESSES- not just math and reading, but how to work through things on their own and figure out the order of questions and the way something is supposed to be answered, etc. It all takes some time.

You sound like a very involved mama though! I am sure the teacher will appreciate that and that you will be able to get your son into a routine that works specifically for him! Good luck with the room helper idea!

It sounds like you're getting some great advice and that you have a very good attitude.

Since you asked for other ideas or suggestions, why do the "reading group" kids get 1 hour of her undivided attention? I definitely agree that the other kids should not be "unsupervised" during this time. Our school does reading buddies with 1st and 3rd graders. When kids are in their reading groups they have an assigned reading (on their own), then the teacher comes back to do a question & answer session about what they read. Then another day they read a story with their reading buddy and have a picture to draw that represents something in the story.

I agree with you that 1st graders cannot be left to their own devices for 1 hour. And that they teacher dropped the ball in reviewing his book choices and progress on his in class work.

Also, I agree how could a teacher be overwhelmed with 15 kids? That's NOTHING compared to many other schools, even without added "help".

You have every right to ask the teacher, principal, etc for some added "help" for your son if he's been diagnosed with ADHD. I agree that it doesn't mean he doesn't have to do his work. However it sounds like this teacher is not managing all the kids very well, and especially a child with some special needs.

Good for you for offering to volunteer and be more involved in his daily assignments that he brings home! The more you can show that you are "on board" and supportive of helping in any ways possible will prove to them that you are not blaming, but rather trying to be proactive in ensuring that your son is successful in learning his 1st grade requirements.

I would be honest without sounding like you are judging. Don't go into great detail, just say that you want to help and maybe make one or two points about the things you detailed above. She does sound like a great teacher so I'm sure is aware that she needs the help. It might just be hard for her to ask. Something else to consider, it might not be allowed. You might have to have certain credentials to do some of the classroom things.

GL and I hope she is able to see you genuinely care and want to help!

Where to start...first, does he have an IEP or 504 plan for his ADHD? If he does not yet have one, then you may be seeing just the first sign of educational need for accomodations. Children with ADHD qualify for IEP's with an "other health impairment" if they also have a need for special education. There is a lesser need under section 504 of the Rehabiltation act that would allow for special accomodations for him to allow him access to general education (like the "overseer" you would like for him to have in independent working conditions.) This would be a very expected difficulty for most children with ADHD, which has a basic element of poor executive function.

If I were you, I would step back just a tad, and listen to the direction his teacher wants to go. You need to protect your relationship with this teacher and the entire school and you are just at the begining of your journey, so let them guide you before you tell them your plan, they may have already come up with something, and it can be very intimidating to school personnel when parents tell them how they want the job done, even if you mean well, it can end very badly. This is coming from extensive experience in dealing with parental relationships with schools that have gone wrong. I cannot stress how important this is for a parent of a child with special needs.

Approach this conference as the initial meeting where you discuss what in class strategies his teacher can try with him, ask her what she thinks will work. In class strategies are the first step toward getting him the services if he needs them, and you want to be in a position to pull the trigger when you are ready, instead of needing to wait around a few months while they try. Make sure that they document any strategies that they agree to try because If it does not happen in writing, it never happend, and you could find yourself doing this all again.

If these strategies do not work with your son, then the next step should be for his teacher to meet with an Invervention Assistance Team (IAT) to discuss what more she can do to help him, and possilbly refer him for a school based evaluation, if he has not yet had one.

For first grade, usually, class based interventions will be effective, unless the ADHD is very severe, and/or your son needs speech and occupational therapy services to be functional in the classsroom.

If you come off as pushy, they may not be too cooperative wtih you. Depending on your teacher, they may be very defensive, though you do not want to offend. If you go to the Board of Education, this will be interpreted in a very bad light by your teacher and the principal of your school, and it is unlikely that the BOE will even agree to hear you until you have gone through the site based management thourghly, and then only if you are willing to file a formal complaint and could not reach a resolution with your principal, then the superintendant, and finally, the school board. I would strongly suggest that you not approach the BOE. The one you want to speak with is his teacher, and she will be very upset if you speak to anyone else.

I would suggest some reading for you. Even if you do not thing that your son is at the point where he needs special edcuation for his ADHD, www.wrightslaw.com is a parent advocacy website that will help you maintain a good relationship with your teacher and school. Stay calm, let your teacher be the expert, if she does not want you in the classroom, and do not be surprised if she does not, do not try to convince her that you are right. Take that as your cue that you have gotten off on the wrong foot and do what you need to do to repair your relationship, and you will probably need to back off. If she welcomes you, then by all means, go volunteer, but be very careful, it is more likely that she will interpret your offer as a suggestion that she is not doing her job, no matter how you try to tell her that is not what you think.

Good luck, I do not mean to sound like a downer, but I see this all the time as an educational advocate. Parents relationships with teachers are very tricky once you have offended them or they feel like you have suggested that they are not doing well. It happens very, very quickly.

M.

Honestly you will have to be on top of his assignments. If he has ADHD he has to be kept on point. The teacher can only do what she can do and then parents take over. Maybe he needs a school that has smaller classes and or more paraprofessionals. You can make that choice. I had to make that choice for my child. She is not in a Magnet school... where I notice they think kids at 6 can be independent workers ?_? ... she is in a Charter school. I have to volunteer as part of my contract for my child to go there. I need to drive her but that is cool by me. She gets more attention and I get an email ASAP when something is not right. Nothing should go a week unnoticed.

I would not blame the teacher but the system. Id go to Board of Edu and get a list of schools that would better suit your child's needs before he gets behind. Good Luck

Try just talking in calm manner with your child in mind. All you can do is offer to help in the classroom. You can also try to have the daily work sent home instead of just on Friday this way you can help manage daily verses weekly. You could also put a note on his desk reminding him what needs to be done daily.(taped next to his name) Good Luck.
J.