Communication Stilted by 22 Mo old.....trouble! Help!

Hi Jen,

First, I would say that waiting, if it can wait, probably shouldn't be longer than a time out and at his age, that means about a minute.

Second, sounds like your husband is unrealistic and needs to save his stories until the baby is in bed. From now until your children quit talking to you (when they turn somewhere around 12), they may need your attention. Your husband is the grown up and needs to be able to hold his train of thought or understand that you can get a cookie and listen at the same time. He doesn't need your undivided attention for you to be able to hear him. If the baby is interupting you to say he has to potty, long before your minute is up, he will have peepeed on your floor.

I think all husbands would like to be the center of attention at all times, but you're both parents now and sometimes we have to readjust. What are you going to do if you have another child? The childisn't stilting the communication, the husband is. I went through it with mine, too. You have to explain to them that you CAN do 2 things at once and that he's going to have to be the groown up and either wait the baby is in bed or tell you while you contunie doing whatever needs to be done.

Good luck!

The general rule is 1 minute per year of age for attention and tolerance. You can look this up on the american society of pediatrics website, you may have to search for it though. Here is some information...

http://www.nncc.org/Child.Dev/todd.dev.html

Good luck!!

I agree with all the other moms, I have a 2 year old, and it is difficult to give them both your undivided attention, but just like I had to make my husband realize, is that once we had our son, he was the new "man of the house"! Wat I have my husband do now if he wants to tell me a "story" about his day, is when I'm making dinner, he can play with our son while he talks to me. That way, my attention is on him, and our son is getting time with daddy (which is what most boys want) and he can tell me his story all at once. Otherwise, I told him, wait until our son goes to bed. And sometimes by then, he forgets anyway....and I can tell him about my day! ;-)

J.,
Your child has the attention span of about 20 sec to one min. Try having your husband discuss his story telling after little one goes to sleep. Hubby needs to realize that your son is not a little person, but a child and your son doesn't understand grown up time yet. And won't until they hit about 9 years of age. Then its still questionable.
Good luck, we have the same problem at my house. I just tell my husband to wait until they go to bed, if he wants my attention.

Before you had your little boy, your husband was the center of attention. Your husband doesn't like sharing it with "the other man," so of course he makes it your fault. By having these long discussions about how long your child should wait, he is still keeping all of the attention on himself.

I think the advice from the other writer is good. Ask your husband to wait until your boy has gone to bed before he has long talks with you. And reassure him you can listen to him and do something else at the same time (in case you need to do laundry, dishes or work on a project while he's talking to you). The days of gazing into his eyes while he tells you a story are probably gone for awhile.

Or, he could make the story interesting for both you and your son. My daughter loves to hear stories about events in my life before she was born (current favorites, anything with a thunderstorm or the "bug in the bread" story). that way your son will become a storyteller, too. Maybe a cuddle on the sofa with everyone while Daddy tells his story?

You've been conditioned to attend to your son's needs instantly while he was a baby. He does need to learn to be more patient and wait his turn, but I agree with the other writer that he can only wait about a minute to a minute and a half. Decide on the situation. Potty can't wait, getting a toy can. Perhaps this is the time to start teaching your son to be polite and say "excuse me" rather than just yelling for something. Tell your husband it will be years before he really catches on (like 12, as the other writer stated). Your husband needs to learn patience, as well as your son.

My husband had my undivided attention for 17 years before we had our daughter. It is really tough on him, but I think to myself that he can take care of himself, while my daughter still needs me to help take care of her (of course, I end up being low man on the totem pole with no one, not even myself, taking care of me).

Sounds to me like your husband is the 22 month old. It's much easier for him to wait than your child. He understands, while your child may not. Tell him that you are able to multi task, hello, you are a mom. You can tend to your child and listen to him at the same time. He sounds like my husband, but I use tough love with him. He has to understand that children require a little more attention. He can tell you his stories in bed after the child is asleep if he needs your undivided attention.