So, my 5 year old stepson has recently taken up the habit of laughing hysterically at inappropriate times, or when he is avoiding doing something that has been asked of him, or when someone gets hurt. One example is, at bedtime Dad generally reads books to the kids on the couch for about 15-20 minutes, they eat a snack, and then they get up to brush teeth. We have always followed this same routine and the kids have generally made smooth transitions into bed. Lately however, our 5 year old starts to throw a fit when it comes time to get up off of the couch and brush his teeth. He starts by laughing and trying to be goofy, grabbing on to his dad's legs and not letting him walk to help our other son. He then tries to run away from us so that we can't take him to brush teeth. If we walk away, he starts whining and screaming and grabbing his dad, and then starts laughing again. Then, it escalates and he will start to get fussy, and laugh hysterically, as dad tries to get him to let go. As dad gets more irritated, he just laughs more. Even if dad gets to the point where he is yelling, (which we try not to do often) the 5 year old still laughs. It is driving me nuts! HE definitely does not do this with me, (I'm step-mom) because he knows that I will just carry him upstairs and he can spend some time in his room with the door closed until he is ready to calmly come back and join us. He has started doing this same thing with dad almost all day long, and it is REALLY getting to him and stressing him out. It seems like the only way dad can get him to stop is by yelling - which is upsetting because we have never been a yelling family. It's also upsetting to see him laughing in other situations that seem to indicate he has a lack of empathy, such as laughing if the cat gets hurt. Our other two kids are just the opposite, and his brother (my son) is almost overly empathetic. Advice? (Oh, and in response to the nice mama who suggested an earlier bedtime - I actually do still nap him at age 5:) He is in an in home kindergarten, and only attends 3 days / week. He naps after school for 1-2 hours. Some days he doesn't fall asleep, but he still "rests" in bed for an hour those times. Other than that, he generally sleeps from about 8:30p - 8:30a. although it doesn't always happen, so I'll try to make sure he gets at least 10-14 hours!)
Thanks!
Well...I laugh at inappropriate things/times as well. I laugh especially when tired, overwhelmed or upset. More often than not, I laugh instead of crying. If someone were to try to punish *me* for it (for the laughter itself, not to be confused with tantrums, not listening, resistance, etc.) it simply wouldn't work. It would be like punishing water for being wet.
laughing is a normal responce when someone is overly tired. Some people laugh when they are under stress. Some people laugh at funerals and when someone gets hurt because it is their natural defence mechansim. Some people even laugh when they get hurt. It does not mean that they are not empathetic, it is just their natural self protective way of dealing with it.
his dad needs to do whaat you do, put him into time out until he is ready to calm down and join the family.
Dr. Sears a child pyschologist, addresses this with dads, as their parenting techniques are often very different from moms, here's his advice, 10 discipline tips for fathers:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T110100.asp#T110300
Here he talks about 5 ways parents can control their anger during times like these:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061800.asp
here is the general discipline faqs for certain behavior issues:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp
He's rebelling. Treat it the same as any tantrum. The fact that your husband walks away at times-after nonsense has continued, allowing further antics that eventually lead to yelling- rather than implementing a consequence after a first warning every time is the reason he's doing this. He should have a consequence for defiance long before he acts goofy, grabs legs, runs away etc.
Dad needs to be top dog and firm up. One warning the moment he starts a fit, or a laughing session, and then a firm consequence if he continues. Do not allow him to continue for one minute with the wrestling and laughing and fits etc, that's REALLY a bad habit to allow. Be firm. Every time. He'll stop. Dot' read to much into the lack of empathy etc. If he's not allowed to act up, he won't. He doesn't have empathy, because no one has made this serious for him.
When hubs finishes the book, he should say, "OK, time to get up and do teeth. If you do not get up right now and act properly, x will happen." Then follow through immediately if he begins to freak out or laugh. Be consistent. Dad needs to toughen up and be a leader. For some reason, his son isn't taking him seriously at all.
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com
Welcome to age 5! He sounds like he needs an earlier bedtime. 5yr olds typically don't nap, so they need at least 10-14hrs of sleep a night. My 5yr old goes to bed at 7:30pm and sleeps until 7:30am or so. If he's getting testy he goes to bed at 7pm. More sleep = a higher functioning kid.
Hi M.,
Sometimes, laughter is a way to release stress, so if it's happening at inappropriate times, this might be the cause (as opposed to thinking something is humorous). Has he received correction or attention for this action (inappropriate laughing)? If he has, he might be looking for more attention.
It seems to me that this has also morphed into being part of the bedtime routine for your stepson. If it were me, this is what I would do if I was putting the children to bed: start routine as usual, stories, snack and then, STAND UP (to be in a better physical position), explain that it's time to brush teeth, then leave the room with the cooperative kids and turn off the light. Just one reminder "Come brush your teeth when you are ready" and leave, no discussion, no coaxing, nothing.
What does this do? Well, it changes the dynamic completely, which is a start to changing what happens. Instead of the grabbing games (standing away from the child will help), etc., daddy is in a different room with the other kids. NO ATTENTION. As the adults, you may have to call his bluff.... which means letting him sit in there, laughing and hollering as he pleases, which will likely happen if this is based in attention-getting. If he comes out and is uncooperative, sit him on a chair out of sightlines (but not hearing) and just tell him "You must sit here until you are ready to cooperate and brush your teeth." Then, keep returning him to the chair if need be, but try to ignore as much as possible.
He may fall asleep on the couch or chair. If the chair is big enough, don't move him. Just cover him with a blanket.
My son is less-than-cooperative at times,esp. bedtime. Our routine is such that pajamas, toileting/toothbrushing, etc. happen before stories. If we have great cooperation, we "have time for three stories". Any more than two petitions on our end for his cooperation, then we "only have time for two stories now, because you are taking too long to get your jobs done", etc. We've only had a couple One Story nights since we started this very natural consequence about a month ago, and we've found this has been pretty motivating for our little guy. (He's 3.5)
I'd also make sure your late snack isn't a 'treat', as sugar can sometimes play into things, making a tired child seem overactive when they are, in fact, often overtired.
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Dad just needs to man up and peel giggling son from his legs and put him in his room..... OR take that opportunity to horseplay with him a bit before bedtime. Sounds like son wants some affection from Dad and is not sure how to get it so this has become his way?
My 5 YO tries me quite often. She loses privileges if she is warned and still refuses to listen. It works. At first it is not taken serious, but one good loss and there is a quick change of attitude.
since what you do works, why is your husband not following your lead?
there is no good reason to put up with this nonsense.
remove him from the situation immediately. deprive him of the pleasure of all these great reactions he's getting.
khairete
S.
