Communicating with Your Husband??

Have YOU tried talking to HIM? Not once did you say you tried to make conversation. It is a two way street. Next time you see him, give him a big hug and a big smooch and tell him how much you love him. Something is going on in that big ole brain of his, and it is up to you to dig it out. Talk to him.

I call bull on the idea that men are only interested in sex, and that women should be grateful if husbands do anything around the house. It _can_ be like that, but it doesn't _have_ to be like that. I mean, how offended would we be as women if men were writing, and genuinely believing, that women don't care at all about sex and live to clean the bathroom. Please. We are more complicated than that. I'll grant you that men aren't as complicated as women, but that doesn't mean that they can't be equal partners in a marriage.

What did you two talk about while you were dating? When you were married but before you had kids? Start there. Ask him to show you how to play the DS game. My bet is that if you start talking about anything, you'll remember the man that you married. Hopefully you'll want to kick up an intimate relationship with that man : ) If you two are happy with each other, those hard conversations about helping around the house become much easier. "Hey honey, can you help me get the kids into bed so we can get into bed earlier, wink wink" is a much more satisfying conversation for everyone than "Why don't you see everything that needs to get done around here!" If he's shown you how to play the DS game, it's easy to transition into "can you show me what's happening with the online billing system?"

My guess is that your husband doesn't even see the problems that you are feeling. That doesn't mean that they aren't things you should work on together, it just means that if you blindside him with a litany of things that are "wrong" about your marriage, he's going to get defensive. But I would hope that if you frame things the right way, he can rise to the occasion and you both can work together to make your marriage work.

Good luck.

How about something like, "We are supposed to be doing the Dave Ramsey project, and you paid bills on-line without telling me, so we need to talk about that."

Be blunt. Be upfront. Don't expect him to read your mind. Men need specifics. I've found that it helps if I ask my husband to help out by doing XYZ rather than just saying, I need you to help out more. They need things pointed out to them. And it's frustrating, because you feel like you shouldn't have to, it should be obvious because it is obvious to you, but men need to be reminded of these facts constantly. It's too easy for them to backslide into bad habits if we don't bring it to their attention.

I do not know how long you have been married, but it looks like you are in an excellent situation to CHANGE things. (Him too) At any rate, start doing everything differently. Turn some loud music on, invite him to dance. Invite him in the bedroom and turn off the tv. Hide the video games. Follow him around, squish up next to him while you are watching tv. Fold the laundry with him. Take vitamins. You are in a potentially great marriage. You only sound bored. He doesn't sound violent, or ugly, or mean he just sounds like he's lost his zing. Send the kids out to something one of these days and take a bubble bath together, play salsa and get some card games. He might not like one thing, but he will like something else. You learn how to be his opponent on a ds game. Sorry, but I have to pay the bills myself, always and it is nerve wracking, I know you are doing the Dave Ramsey thing, but perhaps ignore this for a moment, at least he is paying the bills. I know it's hard, but there is a huge world awaiting you. Sometimes we don't need to talk to communicate.

time to reconnect as a couple, not as a partnership. How's that for "short & sweet"? !!

Get naked in front of him and see if he pays attention to you.

Be thankful he does the laundry and yard.

He's a guy and most guys think it's the womens job to take care of the house and children. Most of them think they only need to work at their job and do the yard work.

I wish great success with your relationship with your husband.

It sounds like you need a little tlc for your marriage. Do you do date night? My husband and I sort of went through this and decided to implement it and it has been really helpful. We're talking again and enjoying eachother. Once a week would be great, but we're on a budget so it ends up being about once a month that we actually go out, but we do try to connect in other ways the other weeks...turn off the tv, play a game, eat dinner after bedtime, etc. Sounds cheesy. We've had to actually schedule it to make it happen. Good luck. I hope you're able to get what you need!

in addition to dave ramsey, check out the book "the proper care and feeding of husbands" by dr laura schlessinger. if you go to goodwill, keep an eye out for it there. it will help you understand your husband and maybe some tips on getting things back the way they were. I dont agree 100% with the book but it does give some good insight on men and what they need. good luck!

Don't worry about what he does around the house to help out but worry about the relationship because it's fading away. You both have to work at it and if he still refuses after the suggestions already given are tried then you just have to realize you have no marriage but a partnership. You can't change a man but you can try to change your end and see if that helps. Something is definitely wrong. Sometimes men get withdrawn from pressure like maybe the Dave Ramsey info is upsetting him because he needs to make changes he can't or won't or doesn't think are possible. Maybe that has nothing to do with it. I hope you can find romance again and see if that opens the doors to communication.