Co-Worker

My best friend is a man. We've been best friends for almost seven years. Nothing has happened or will happen. My husband and I are now separated but I won't let that change who my best friend is. I've always gotten along better with males than females. I wouldn't try to hide the friendship at all. That will seem like you are trying to hide it. People might not understand but you know what's going on so you're okay. I'm sorry, I kind of rambled but I really believe it's okay. Good luck!!!

I'm not shocked over the initial responses at all. Actually, if you think about it, NO MATTER what others think, your coworkers or your husband, or yourself... It's what you can't control in the other dad's mind that matters. I'd say, protect the investment you've got with your husband, and the example you have with your daughter, and forgo any situiation that might lead where you don't want to follow. Yeah, it's just a movie for the subject matter, but the heart doesn't always loudly proclaim it's inner thoughts. Something I've learned is that relationships don't ever stay the same. They either grow, or move on. And, maybe your husband would want to be the one to make your daughter's birthday special. I'd just ask a few other friends and/or your husband to join you if you still want to go. FOR YOUR Peace of mind, not the publics.
J.

Affairs in this nation are rising at a quick pace. You never know what this guys intentions are and you will be sending a message to your kids that it's alright to "date around" even after marriage. Even if you don't think it is a date- would you want your daughter going to movies with other men once she gets married? I suggest not even consider extra curricular activies with other men- you would feel guilty forever if ANYTHING progressed.

BE CAREFUL!! I know my husband of 11 years in april would NOT be fine with me going to a movie with our kids and a MALE co-worker. ***TROUBLE**
Next he will invite you over for dinner..... then what????????

Wow!!! Lots of responses to this... most of which have a strong opinion either "for" or "against." I would just encourage you to remember the fact that YOU, V., were the one concerned enough to even ask our opinions. That, in and of itself, is a reason to question motives and not go alone.

Like others have said..."if" you told your husband, he would be totally fine with it. Why not ask him what he thinks of it; tell him you were unsure/unsettled about it (and why) and then see if he is willing to come along.

Guys and girls can certainly be "just freinds" but I believe their relationship should change when one (or both) is (are) married. Be careful not to give them priority over your husband. Your "best" male friend should be your Hubby. :0)

It sounds like you have a very confident husband. Most men I know would be a little insecure with the idea of their wife going to the movies with another man.
I personally don't think it would be appropriate to go out to the movies with another man (single or not) unless he is gay or my husband is with me. You probably don't know what this guys intentions are. He is single so he is on the prowl for his next relationship. You could go on this "play date" but I think you may find yourself in an awkward situation later.

This is how affairs start. This is how gossip starts. I know from personal experience. If you want the world to think you'd go out on your husband this is how you start.
Go to the movies with him if your husband goes along, or let your h go with them and you take a much needed break from everyone! Protect yourself, protect your family.

Who cares what other people think? Take your husband with you if you're worried about it looking too much like a date. You'll have all your bases covered that way :) And yes, it is possible for men and women to be friends without people thinking someting is going on...almost all of my friends are men, and they are also friends with my husband. :)

Hi V.,
I think your husband should go to. Are your kids friends at all? Have they ever met? Are you and your husband friends with the guy? If they are maybe I would be fine with it. If not I personally wouldn't feel comfortable going out in the same situation. My husband wouldn't care either it just isn't smart. Maybe you should invite other mom, dads and kids. Make it a little birthday party. Maybe have cake and ice cream after. Good luck.
Chris

You may want to consider having your husband come as well. After all, wouldn't he want to be a part of the birthday celebration? This would alleviate any concern about where you stand, both with your co-worker and your husband.

Take your husband too!! I don't have a problem with you and this guy being friends, but why not include your hubby? When you exclude him (however innocently) you are sending a message to the world and this guy that your husband is disposable. What's wrong with all of you being friends?

I agree with Jenni C. Why not take your hubby along. It will also stop people from gossiping if they see you out with another guy.

V. dear, if Your husband is fine, and you know this is a friendship, and your kids (all) are happy, then this is totally those other people's problem what they think, don't even think about it!!! You could invite your husband to join the activities , and/or invite the co-worker with his son to your home, and have dinner as two-families friendship (he and his son is a family, right? and you a married couple and kids are a family, right?). So, I do not see more problems than people's own auie in their heads.
In case if you suspect the co-worker has something more in mind than families-friendship, you can talk to him about it immediately, preventing any of him dreamworld imaginations by reminding him that you are a mom of one very happy family and that it's a great idea to befriend as two families. Hope this is not the case, though. Also, if your husband is aware of what is about to take place, this will keep everything right, as you two will be making this decision together.
happy weekend, have a great birthdays, also!!!

Yes, men and women CAN be friends.
Co-Workers will ALWAYS gossip, no matter what is happening. Or at least that's the case in my workplace, lol. My husband knows that I have lunch with male co-workers, that it's never a big deal, and he doesn't need to worry. Sometimes we go out after work for drinks. Again, not a big deal.
Personally I'd ask my hubby along for something like this, since it's a mini bday party. Or I'd ask a few other friends too -- but I like people that way, lol.
But sheesh, GO! Have fun. It's a kids' movie.
If you think you need to hide this from your hubby, that's a problem.
And Happy Bday to the kids!
A.

If he knows you are happily married

AND

your husband is told and he is cool with it

AND

you are going for the benefit of your kids and not for anything else, then

GO!

I'm actually surprised by all the comments here. Do none of these women have male friends? How very very sad!!!!!!!

I run a mom's group in Milwaukee WI and can tell you of a bunch of times when I have gotten together with dads and their kids and my son for a children's outing. My husband comes if he can, but if he doesn't, there is NO problem! We are all VERY secure in our marriages and husbands and wives of different families get together we we are all civil, family oriented adults.

VERY VERY surprised by the answers here . . . . . . . . .

If there are honestly no ulterior motives on your part, you have nothing to worry about. If the guy does something inappropriate, that is the last outing you have with him.

D.
milwaukee

Is there any reason why your husband can't come too? I would suggest telling him exactly what you said here and see what he thinks.

Truthfully if you are feeling questionable about the whole thing then that is probably your answer right there. I know if the roles were reversed and my husband had been asked by a coworker to go to the movies with her and her kids I wouldn't feel very good about it. Especially knowing she was single. Just my 2 cents

Yes, I believe men and women can be JUST friends. I have many male friends. My husband knows about and I do from time to time go out with these friends. Be upfront and honest with your co-worker and who knows, maybe your kids will become good friends and possibly even your husband and him!

Does he know you are married? I think if he does and that you are upfront about it with your husband and just make sure he understands this is about the KIDS and not your friendship, then it would probably be okay. I, however, wouldn't make a habit of it. Sometimes being "just friends" turns into an emotional affair that turns into a physical affair. Just be very careful.

I am actually shocked by some of the responses as well. It is a movie for the kids, go enjoy it. I think that men and women can be just friend. You mentioned that "if" you told your husband he would be fine with it, then tell him and go. Let the kids enjoy the movie. If you husband doesn't mind then I don't think it really matters what others think. Enjoy

I would bring hubby.

I don't see why men and women can't be friends. Especially if your husband is OK with it. I would make sure that he really is and is not just saying that he is. That being said I would make sure that I told this guy that you are happily maried and are just looking for a friend. and make sure he is doing the same!! if everyone is homest and upfront with each other tehn why not!?

My opinion as a married women is that we should always avoid the appearance of evil. You can know if your heart that things are fine and you're only friends, but what will it look like to others? Sometimes even the best of intentions can turn into something you didn't mean for it to. Unless your husband can go also, I wouldn't do it.

Yeah, I think it would "appear" a little on the romantic side to other people, and possibly to him too. You're husband should be involved, I think. Then it would be the purely plutonic fun time that you intended it to be.

I'd tell your husband, ask him if he wants to go along and then have a nice time if he goes or not.

I'm a SAHM of two girls and there's a man at the gym who is a SAHD of two boys around the same age. We talked one day and he said how difficult it is for him to have playdates and he wanted a woman's opinion why. He said his wife is fine with him having playdates with other women... it's for the kids. I was honest with him and said that it may be difficult for some husbands to grasp their wife hanging out with a SAHD. I also feel it's a safety issue if you don't know the man well.

Personally, when we first started hanging out, I made arrangements for our playdates to be when my DH could join us. Eventually, we just started going by ourselves (with DH's blessing, of course) then the families started doing things all together. We've become great friends - all of us - and it's been great for the kids. I think it's also made it easier for him to have playdates with other women since I so openly speak of how we handled things!

It's a no-brainer. The movie's only $1.00. Bring your husband along with his own dollar in hand. If it's really "only friends," then this should be fine.

Don't worry about what other people think!! People are going to talk no matter what. You know it's nothing more than friendship and so does he and your husband, there is no issue. If some one says something just set them straight. Plus this day isn't about you guys it's about the kids. You can friendships with other people (men) outside of your marraige, it's perfectly ok!

V.,
My opinion is that you can't make people believe anything they don't want to believe, so dont' worry about the co workers so much. I have many male friends who are platonic- and did during my marriage as well. They are ok to go have a drink with or something. But I hesitate to think this is ok since you are married and you are involving the children. Unless your husband goes along. It opens too many doors for too many odd things to happen. And I am really an open minded, liberal person-so, just be careful.
S.

If it's just a friend thing and your husband is fine with it then who cares what other people think.

V.,
Men and women can be friends and as long as your husband is ok with it Why not? There will always be someone who will try to make something out if that is not true. That is just life. If you would like to have a friendship with this person and feel comfortable go ahead. This person may really need a friend plus your kids could end up really being good friends also. My husband has a couple of friends who are women and have been for several years and they are were co workers to begin with. They still keep in touch even though life has taken them in different directions.Spouses on both sides are fine with it. Let me know what you decided and how it went.

A little about me.I am 47 been married for 28 years and have one married son. I was a stay at home mom for the first nine years
I would like to say that I have read some of the responses to this and I do agree that you should ask your husband to come along. It is your daughter's birthday and I am assuming that you always celebrate it together as a family.

That's a tough one, as people just love to gossip. I'd be a bit careful. Why don't you invite your husband along too, and that way people can't talk.

All of my friends with the exception of one are male. Always have been, likely always will be. In all the jobs I've held over the past 15 years, I've worked almost exclusively on teams of men (I generally work in the high-tech/IT industry).

My husband of 12 years has never had an issue with it. Men and women can definitely be "just friends".

Whether other people think something is going on or not, well, that's a different story. You can't control their thoughts or their gossip. What's important is that you and your husband agree and are comfortable with the situation.

Just bring your husband along too. That way, nobody can question anything about the "strictly friends" nature of your relationship. Your co-worker certainly knows you're married and would most likely not want to do anything to damage your marriage. If he does feel awkward when your hubby shows up, then he'll never ask you to do anything again, and he had ulterior motives anyway, which means you don't/shouldn't want to do anything with him in the future. Besides, you can always claim that you thought he was inviting the whole family--after all you are a family and families stick together no matter what.(Besides the fact that your husband wants to spend time with his child on her birthday too, is not absurd.)

My wife of seven years just did that. Do not do it!!!!! She was sure that nothing was wrong with it. The guy is married. Dentist. After she told me about this I started to pack. If you love somebody, you do not rub elbows in the dark with a horny dude. I hope this helped. Peace.

Hi V.~ First, if you know that your husband would be fine with you going, why come here for opinions before talking with him? Second, morally I believe that to respect your husband it would really be inappropriate to go anywhere with another man, period.(EVEN if he says he's 'O.K' with it; there's a reason you chose marriage!) Your husband and kids are too important for you to do something you are questioning. Why take a chance (anyone knows there is one) with possible temptation (even if you don't think it's there)? If you think I may be overly cautious, go check the statistics....I bet none of them thought they would go down the wrong path either.
(these words may sound harsh. They aren't meant to be mean, just to get you thinking!)

No, I don't think married people of the opposite sex should do things without their spouses. This is JMO!

Either take your hubby too or don't go.