Just wanted to get your opinion on something...once I do, I will post my thoughts and the actual situation.
Is it ok for two friends/co-workers to attend an event (local band performing) together without their spouses or significant others?
I had meant to include that the co-workers are of opposite sexes...hence the question. I didn't see anything wrong with it but wanted to be sure. I certainly realize that if one of the spouses/significant others have a problem then there is one but I was just looking to see what people thought.
Married woman wanted to attend a local band's peformance but didnt' want to go alone. Her husband isn't a big fan of the band AND has to work super early the next morning. She wanted a co-worker/friend that is male to go with her. He enjoys live peformances and would like the band. Guess girlfiend wouldn't want to go but would have a problem with him going. Married woman just wanted to be sure she didn't do something wrong in asking.
*Honestly, no one else at work would know unless one of the two told them because they wouldn't be where this performance was and given the nature of their working relationship/departments etc....they wouldn't know so there would be nothing to "talk about"...and they really don't care what others think/say.
**Just to clarify...others were asked (lots, both male and female, friends and family) and no one that wanted to go could so she didn't "only want a male to go" (that was definatey a wrong assumption) she just didn't want to go alone. The co-worker knew she wanted to go so in casual conversation she said she was still looking for someone to go and asked if it was too late for him (he had to work the next day), his reply indicated that HE would like to (not THEY) but he wouldn't be able to go...it implied he'd have to go without her and that wouldn't work (not his exact words). Subject was dropped without further discussion. Nothing for anyone to "back off" (again, another wrong assumption). She just started thinking about it and was second guessing if she should have asked in the first place.
***Thanks for all the replies. I completely agree that as long as the spouses/significant others don't mind it shoudl be fine. Was her thought too when she asked. She actually checked with him today to make sure all was good (made sure there were no wrong ideas about the invitation). He indicated that he hoped the opportunity presents itself again so she's feels better about the invitation now.
If neither one's significant other had a problem with it, then it's absolutely no problem at all. It's nice to have friends of the opposite sex.
If one of the others DID have a problem, I think it would be a good opportunity to talk about trust and why the other wasn't ok with it.
Why wouldn't it be ok? I have a husband, not a conjoined twin. We occasionally do things individually with other people, of both sexes.
Of course! I would see no issue with this. I've done social things outside of work with a male colleague and it was complete above-board and nothing that anyone questioned. Nothing inappropriate about the scenario.
I also wonder why the woman would only want a male to go?
In my opinion yes it is perfectly fine for people who are married or in a relationship to go somewhere with the opposite sex. But again all the people involved should be okay with it. If the girlfriend is uncomfortable then the married woman should just back off
And no there was nothing wrong in asking. Now the married woman knows not to invite this certain friend any where alone
The thing I do not see addressed in your responses so far, is any level of concern about appearances. Yes, I know, who cares what people think?! The old indignant "it's not their business what I do anyway" sort of attitude. But the mature and professional attitude is more in line with "do not give even the appearance of impropriety."
So, I'd say no. Not without the girlfriend or the spouse also in attendance. People WILL talk. And I'm assuming these are professional people you are talking about here. It's unprofessional to do something you know will generate gossip.
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I'm sorry. It does matter what people think.
What is so difficult about getting a 3rd party to attend? Either in lieu of the single guy, or in addition to? It's really not that hard. And it really is that simple. You avoid situations where gossip is sure to ensue, if you value your marriage and your professional reputation (and his relationship and his professional reputation--friends think of their friends' reps as well, you know). If you don't value those things, then why bother asking other's opinions? You seem to want tacit approval. It isn't very professional in appearance, if you don't include others or have one of the "significant other"s present.
You could always just issue an impromptu announcement "if there is anyone who would be interested in going"...
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After your clarification regarding who all was asked and how exactly it happened, I would say that it wasn't wrong to ask the question (assuming that the invitation made it open to the girlfriend to come along as well). But neither is it wrong for the girlfriend to not want him to go without her. It doesn't reveal any distrust in their relationship, or problems with them, either. Just maybe someone who is aware of "protecting" their relationship and not putting themselves in scenarios where things could go wrong. And honestly, a bar scene, drinking and a concert, with a friendly opposite sex couple, and without their other halves, is a situation where it is possible (not likely, but possible) for too much to drink to cause something that otherwise wouldn't happen. AND the issue of appearances (again.. and this could be how things appear if they ran into someone that SHE knows, too).
Not wrong to ask the question. Just be careful not to be judgmental about their relationship if she nixed the idea and he is going along with it. That could be a sign of a HEALTHY relationship as easily as it could be a sign of a bad one.
The easy answer? Yes.
BUT (and there's always a 'but' right?)...
If the "coworkers" are opposite genders AND O. if their spouses/SOs object to the "friends" attending an event together, then there's an issue.
I don't see why not. I go to movies with my friend's husband. We like to see things our spouses don't and don't want to go to the theater on our own. It's no big deal.
Your question is so Athat it's almost impossible to see why it's ever worth asking. As it's asked, is it okay for two friends or coworkers to attend an event without their spouses or significant others? Um, yes. Absolutely.
It'd be pretty far outside of our general societal norms here to suggest that a person cannot attend an event with a friend unless their spouse and the friend's spouse also attends... this is kind of a hallmark of friendships.
Now, if you're talking about opposite gendered coworkers, and a situation in which the spouse is uncomfortable with the friendship, THAT situation is SPECIFIC and different and doesn't fall under this general question being asked here.
Sure, why not?
Oh wait, opposite sex co-workers? Even if it's totally innocent, it's a little awkward. In our culture, at least, probably not a good idea.
p.s. -- I think the addition of a third person of either sex would make it ok.
Depends on circumstances. Some people say no but where I work which is a very professional department with high earners, it'd be fine in many cases. Some people have worked together for 10 to 20 years and it's clear they are just friends. So it'd be totally fine for them to go to a concert together. No one would bat an eye. Maybe some other places are different for various reasons or the coworkers haven't been friends long enough that the idea of anything happening isn't that remote so I don't think there's a global answer to this.
Hi, Boss Fan:
This demonstrates there is a problem in the relationships.
Fix the relationships before going anywhere without the other, especially
clubbing.
Good luck
D.
Yes but I think it would be beneficial if more than 2 go.
Of course!
We do this all of the time.. We have been marries 32 years!
As long as the spouse/SO is aware of it and is okay with it.
This depends on the time of day, co workers, how the spouses feel about it. Etc. My hubby has a female friend and I trust them.
If they are friends and their respective spouses are fine with it.
If they are the sme gender, absolutely no problem.
If not, still no problem in my family, because my husband and I trust each other to be faithful. :)
Completely agree with isn'tthisfun. Even if the spouses agree, if you work together in a professional environment it is inappropriate. I had a female coworker (single) who used to hang out with various male coworkers (both married & single) outside of work. Her reputation suffered, people talked. Whether it was warranted or not is irrelevant, gossip followed and it hurt her professionally. It wasn't worth it.
So, WHY... does this woman only, want a "male" to go with her?
What's wrong with a female friend or friends, going with her?
**your SWH post says in the 2nd paragraph: "Married woman wanted to attend a local band's peformance but didnt' want to go alone. Her husband isn't a big fan of the band AND has to work super early the next morning. She wanted a co-worker/friend that is male to go with her...."
-- when I wrote my reply to your post, the 4th paragraph in your SWH was not there, yet.
I have gone places with opposite sex co-workers/friends.
My Husband as well.
But, we have no problem with that.
But, again, some people do.
For whatever reasons.
So be it.
If I were that woman, and asked a male co-worker/friend to go to a band performance w/me but the Girlfriend did not really agree with it.... Then, I would step back. **(I said 'step-back' not.... 'back off.' 2 very different things). And choose another person, to come with me.
I would NOT want to create, drama for another couple. Or cause friction between another couple. Or cause friction or awkwardness at work because of it.
I mean, it is easy to just go to a band performance, by choosing someone else. AND, it does not have to only be a "male" friend that you go with.
AND it does not have to be a male co-worker that you go with.
Why not just go with a bunch of girlfriends?
Yes, if the spouses are ok with it assuming the friends are different genders.
Why not?
Hopefully the marriages or relationships are much stringer than one might think.
If not, then there are some insecurities in the relationship.
We've been married almost 25 years, have girls night, guys night as well as vacations alone.
You are kidding right. Uh, girls night out!
If it were a male/female scenario I would say no.
If it is two women friends, or two guy friends, I'd probably say OK. Even then I'm not a huge fan of hanging out with people from work outside of work (other than the occasional office party).
JMO.
