Co-Sleeping With 3 1/2 Year Old

Maybe I'm hard-hearted, but I really believe that kids need to learn to fall asleep on their own... no tv, etc... and stay in their rooms all night. I think it's important for my husband and I to have privacy and I think we all sleep better in our own beds. We started this from an early age and my kids do great. I really think you just need to be firm and consistent. Don't stay with her until she is asleep or she won't be able to get back to sleep without you at night. When she calls for you give her a quick reassurance that you are there and that's all. I know hearing "I'm scared" really breaks your heart (and 3 or 4 I think is when those imaginations really kick in), but I realized that my son quickly figured out that this would get him a lot of sympathy and attention. So... quick reassurance and then out! Good luck!

transition is hard for anyone, especially children. I think it's great you have welcomed your child in your bed, my suggestion is to be very gradual about the process. Put a small mattress next to your bed with her nightstand next to it. Take a week to explain to her "next week you will sleep next to mommy and daddy's bed". Have her pick out the sheets, comforter, etc. After the week, let her begin sleeping in the bed. Slowly start moving the mattress closer and closer to the door, letting her know she is becoming a bigger girl as the mattress gets closer to the door. Also move the nightstand so when she is in her room, the surroundings are already familiar. 16 year olds don't sleep with their parents, so you know she will eventually be out! Just take your time and let her be a part of the process.

If you had a pet you could have them sleep with her. You could also try comforting music. Also if you have a baby monitor you could show her how it works and tell her you will always be able to hear her if she needs you. Isn't it wonderful that she wants to spend so much time with you. She loves you that much. I wouldn't worry about trying to get her independent so soon.

My son is 4 and had slept with me and my husband since he was born. We put him in his bed at bedtime and I have to walk in there constantly from him wanting water or needing to pee...w/e he can think of. Usually he runs me until I get so frustrated that I take away his movie and turn his tv off and that usually does the trick for the time but sometimes normally before me and my husband hed off to bed he comes and wants to sleep with us. We absolutely hate it and I've tried things here and there to stop it but haven't stayed consistant in making him stay no matter how many times he gets up. If you truly want her to stop then just take a couple of weeks if that long and always put her back no matter the time of night and tuff it out for a while and she will eventually put herself back to sleep instead of getting up. Sometimes my son sleep walks to our bed so I know that if I train him to not get out of bed if he wakes up he would stop.

D.,

your daughter needs to know that you are there even when you are not in the room. staying with her until she goes to sleep is not good because she wakes up and is frightened that you are no longer there. it is better to reassure her that mommy is always right there. maybe even try getting one of those monitors that lets you talk to her. that way she can know that just because she can't see you doesn't mean that you are not there protecting her. i went through a very similar thing with my son and came to realize that the lights, animals etc had nothing to do with it, he had to know that we were still there for him even when we were not in the room.

good luck!!

K.

Hi D., All these things your daughter is coming up with are just excuses not to go to bed. What I have learned with my 3 year old is to just lay him down and leave the room. He eventually falls asleep. He would make up excuses too and get up and want to go potty and I'm scared. Anything. If I told him no to one thing, he came up with another to keep from going to bed. WE finally jsut put him in the bed and say night night and leave. You have to set bounderies and they may not be happy at first and scream for attention. The more attention you give it the more they will keep doing it. I do hope this helps. It has worked with my 3 year old