Hi everyone,
I was hoping for a little input on co-ed bathing. I have 2 kids-a son who will be 8 tomorrow and a 5 yr old daughter who since birth have pretty much always taken baths together. Now that my son is turning 8 I'm starting to think he is too big to be taking baths w/ his sister, but every time I say they need to start taking bathes separately they throw a fit. I know it isn't because of any sick reasons they want to share their bath time, but that they just still play together and have fun... most of the time as long as the other isn't hogging the hot water. So I was wondering if anyone else has let their kids continue to bathe together this long or if it is weird that I have for so long and should make them stop. I'm not/they're not emotionally or mentally ready for the birds and the bees speech so any suggestions on how to explain that they should take separate baths too would be great. Truthfully, I'm just thankful I finally got them out of my shower time!! Thanks!!
I tried the "because I said so" reason this weekend and really enforced the separate bath times and it worked. I also realized the main reason they were still having baths together was because it was convenient for me after a long day to throw them in the shower together and be done w/it. So I had to "because I said so" to myself and my husband. So far so good. 5 baths and no problems! I did also explain to my son to make him feel more grown up that he really needs his privacy and his sister does too and they accepted that way better than I thought they would. Thanks to everyone for your heart felt advise. I truly appreciate it.
We have moved the bath times up so we could use tv time or reading time as a reward for bathing by their selves and not wasting time. Now the only fighting is who gets to take a bath/shower first. They have learned that the faster they get in and out of their shower/bath the more TV (15-30 min before bed) or books (1-2 each) they can have before bedtime.
Hi S.-
Is your 8 year old ready to take showers independently? Perhaps if you explain to him that he is such a mature and capable boy that he is ready to take showers on his own like mommy does, he may see this as a privilege rather than focusing on not being able to play with his sister. Also, your daughter may view it as something to look forward to as she gets older so you can get her showering independently even earlier.
Good Luck,
K.
Make them wear their bathing suits. Covers the "areas", and you can also talk to them about where a bathing suit covers is your "private" area for only you. If someone tries to look or touch under your bathing suit, it's wrong and they need to tell someone. A.
My oldest 3 were 3yrs11mths-boy, 1yr10mths-girl and 10mths-boy respectively when I last did it. I would think that (especially depending on the observed intelligence of your children) they should stop when they start getting to that memory stage (where when they can remember things when they are older all the way back to 3, 4 or 5-depending on the child) and when they start getting too smart and CURIOUS. I personally feel that it is only appropriate up until the toddler stage. After this it will probably start making them think it is ok for 2 children of the opposite sex are ok to be naked around each other. My opinion. Innocence has to be nurtured.
I have a 2 1/2 and 6 mth old presently and will be bathing them together probably up until 4 or five after we teach our 2 1/2 old to bathe properly-and they are boys. I would be a bit leery about the boy and girl thing at your children's age. YOur 8 year old probably should have been out of the tub with his sister when he was 3 or four and she was 1 and 2.
As far as advice for explaining to them, (which I sincerely think is odd for an 8 year old to be so upset about) I would just say that graduating to "big boy hood" means taking a bath alone and doing many things by himself like riding a bigger bike, walking the dog, chores, putting out the trash, unsupervised home work etc. I would tell him that if anyone including his classmates, peers or adults found out he was not bathing alone yet, they would call him a baby and the school might try to put him back in the previous grade? I don't know, just trying to give some idea for you. God bless your efforts, and seek Him for direction, He will tell you what to say overrall! Do the same for your daughter also.
I don't know if you teach them about the tooth fairy, Santa or the other fictional people, but tell them they don't visit anymore if you don't grow up by doing things such as bathing on your own like a big boy or girl.
the time will come soon enough where your son is wanting more privacy. He'll be wantign to make obvious the difference between his age and his siters (I'm big she's not, etc). If he's not uncomfortable - the nhe is still in the innocent children age. Just becasue he is getting bigger, doesn't necesarily mean that he is "maturing" - ya know what I mean? Use his own privacy signals as a sign when to end shared baths. If you pressure it before hand, there is the risk of giving him a sense that it is "wrong", and I know you'd want to avoid that.
I remember sharing baths with my younger brother (2.5yrs younger) untill I was almost 10. At that time i started wanting more privacy, and I also wanted to take showers like 'big people'.
In the meantime you can start spacing out the sahred baths - teach him to use a shower, or make special uber bubbly baths for your youngest - untill his own growth and maturity make shared baths a thing of the past. :)
Good luck momma!
Hi S.! I too think that at 8, he should be bathing on his own. Even if they throw a fit, your the one in charge at the house. What you say, goes. They may not, at that age, understand your reasoning, but right now, I think it's important that they get used to the fact that, boys and girls do that kind of stuff separatley. You don't have to go into details of why it has to be this way. Your the mom, and you have your own reasons, that you will be happy to explain when they are older and will understand better. And that's it. Point blank. I think that too many people these days, are so conditioned to think that if they say no to their children, that it will have devastating effects on them emotionally and mentally. THe truth is, they respect you more as a parent, especially when they grow up, when you set the boundaries and rules, and make them stick. And as the parent, the person in charge, you don't have to explain why you set certain rules the way you do. All they need to know is that, your the mom, you know best, and you won't steer them in the wrong direction. okay, i'll get off my soap box now. LOL! seriously though, i agree with the other ladies about them bathing separatley.
V.
S.,
I have two daughters ages 5 1/2 yr and one almost 4yr. their pediatrician suggested that by the time my oldest was 6yrs that they should not bath together anymore. They only bath together once in awhile so I have pretty much stopped it. I would go with the 1st suggestion which is to make your son feel like a "big boy" by taking a shower. My 5yo. daughter has also taken some showers where I allow her to be independent and try to wash her body herself. I then go back and make sure she is clean. It is a way to teach them to be independent....it is quite an accomplishment for them. If you maybe allow your kids to bathe together once in awhile, I would have them put on their swimming suit bottoms or something. Again, they are getting to that natural curious stage and should really not bathe together any more. Good luck, I hope it is an easy transition. Make it fun and rewarding for them....that should work! :)
Personally, I think it is innapropriate past the toddler years, age 3-4, especially once they are in school. It might raise some eyebrows if your 3rd grade son is talking about taking baths with his little sister (i am NOT saying sick stuff is going on). When you go to explain it, I would give them an alternative activity they can do together that is more appropriate and just tell them that big kids take baths alone. They might throw a fit once or twice but just deal with it and don't give in.
Children are going through adolescence early in their little lives. Just tell them they are getting to big to bathe together and you think its best, and tell your son that you know things will be changing with him soon and how he will WANT to bathe by himself. He should probably be the one to tell her that its best, simply because your the mom and he is the adored older brother. This change is happening inside him even now. She will be sad, but she will be curious why he is different & soon.
~Maybe its just me but our little girls are growing up way to fast these days and they need to stay little and sweet as long as possible!~
Good luck & GOD bless your beautiful little family
A.
Maybe sense it is coming up on the summer months you could buy them a wading pool for the backyard. Then they could go swimming together and splash and play...with their suits on. Then they don't have to give up a fun water filled play time. It just sounds like they enjoy playing together and what is more fun than splashing and squirting each other with water.
First, I would suggest your husband take over the bathing of your son and have him shower in "Dad's shower"! My husband did that with our boys, and they are doing that with theirs - makes the boys feel like he's older and just helps the father/son bonding. If any questions ever come up about anatomy, your husband should be the one to answer his questions.
Second, tell your son and/or daughter, that hygienically, it's more of a germ prevention, just in case one of them have a virus, etc.
Hope that helps. A Grandma who has been there. There are a lot of Christian parenting books that would have suggestions on this, I would think.
