I even hate asking for advice because I simply feel I am too old for this! But my friend and I hung out all the time. My husband hangs out with her husband. Yet she has been so distant. We see each other at church and she'll talk with me casually and sometimes sit by me. However I find she is very distant. I feel so left out. She hangs out with others but never makes it a point to hang out with me anymore. I invite her and try to make her apart of everything.When I ask her she always says "Hopefully soon!" or some excuse arises. I have asked her if everything is ok and she says it is. It sucks.I love so hard and care so deeply for my friends and family and sometimes I wish I didn't. Sometimes I think she doesnt realize it and I dont want to be this insecure person walking around. I hang out with others but always make time for her. I'm not in high school but I realize in adult friendships we can face similiar situations. It's the way we handle them that sets us apart. I want to talk to her but I always tell myself to let it go. Trust me I've been down this road. It's been awhile and knowing my friend is sensitive and fragile in some ways I want to be careful. Especially since I am on the opposite end; headstrong, bold, vivacious. This has been going on for months. Any grown up mature advice out there?
So I talked with my friend. I was very careful about the timing. But she still wasn't completely open in my opinion. It's ok. I just told her as a friend that I wanted to see if she was ok and everything was ok because she seemed distant. She just said life has been busy and that we would still hang out from time to time. It's whatever. I feel good that I opened up and I just have to let life go on even if she doesnt want that same place in my life. I told her as long as she is happy that is all that matters to me because I care for her and just want the best for her. She thanked me still in her distance. I will always be her friend and love her. What can I say but I will not beg her or ask her if she wants to tag along anymore. I have to release her in this time in my life. I may feel a little hurt but God knows.
UPDATE: I feel like I am in a stronger relationship with my friend now. My mom passed away right before Thanksgiving last year and it made her realize that she was not being there for me. She apologized to me and expressed her fear of getting close to people because she got hurt so much in life. She has remained close to me and done everything to make up for it. I love her so much and she has appreciated me since then since I have her.
I agree with the others - you can try another time just saying, "I just want to make sure I haven't offended you in any way as it just seems there is some distance." If you get a flippant answer or she avoids the question let it go.
Its hard when you miss friends. If you asked her straight and she doesnt want to say it straight then you have no choice to just give her space and try to make new friends. Once she sees your not hanging off her curt tails any longer maybe she will come back. I really hate when people try to make up excuses why they are treating someone some way or acting a certain way. Buck up the courage and say it straight. Anyway I think its time to widen your horizons join a club find someone else to sit with at church or sit by yourself and make your self look busy. It will hurt for a while but in the end you wil be better for it.
Have you tried checking with her via email or a letter? Sometimes I find it difficult to express my thoughts concisely in person (especially in a social setting.) Good close friends are hard to come by and they're worth the extra effort - especially if it's a misunderstanding. I'd send her a note telling her how much you cherish the friendship and would love to work out whatever it is that's troubling her. You sound like a great friend for caring so much! I do hope you find resolution with her.
It sounds like you've been the adult and confronted her appropriately about why she is distant. If you don't think you've been direct enough then approach her again and ask are we ok as friends? I feel like there is some distance between us......If she says everything is fine but continues to display the same behavior/action then you'll have to let it go. The ball is in her court to communicate if there is a problem especially if you've been direct and asked.
Hurtful I know but it is time to make sure you expand your horizons and let other healthy women into your life and build a friendship.
There may be something going on in her life that is making her distant. You say that she hangs out with others, but do you really know what this entails? Maybe she's not "hanging out" as socially as you're thinking. There could be something bothering her. I say this because I deal with depression and her responses sound a lot like how I will respond to people. And of course, I say everything is fine when asked because I don't want to admit that there's something wrong.
I would suggest keeping in touch with her via email or letters, like another person suggested. You can easily send quick notes to say hi and let her know you're thinking about her. You can text, too. She may respond, she may not. Don't push her into telling you what's going on. Just be a friend.
And maybe you can invite her to lunch or something. Just say - we haven't gotten together in a long time, I'd love to catch up, how about we go to lunch. Even suggest a day that works for you. Don't be upset if she says no, just let it go for a while but try to stay in touch.
Since you describe your friend as "sensitive" and "fraglie," I think that the best course of action is just for you to back off. I don't think a heart to heart will help in this situation.
Sometimes, in friendships, one person feels more strongly about the friendship than another does, and it can creates a lot of unhappiness. I can completely empathize with it, on both sides, having been the person on both sides of the equation more than once.
Continue to occasionally reach out to her, and when you see her at church or other regular places, be friendly. But don't keep inviting her all the time--by not committing to visit with you, she is trying to say politely that she is not interested in pursuing the friendship further right now. And your pushing it is just causing you heartache. It could be that she's just not in the right place right now, or it could just be that she is just not interested.
