Clingy Toddler with Another Baby on the Way...

I work with children birth to 5 years old, focusing on social and emotional development. What you are already thinking of doing is good. Your daughter's reactions to others and possibly the new baby may be because she feels her relationship with you threatened in some way. She wants mommy all to herself, which is actually appropriate for her age. She is supposed to be more possessive of you and needier during this time than any other. Another thing you can do, if you haven't already, is begin to talk to her about the changes that will happen and begin to help her understand how to cope with those changes. For example, "you will have a new brother/sister soon and sometimes mommy will need to take special care of the the baby because he/she is so little and needs extra help. That means that sometimes mommy won't be able to play, but mommy will always make time for her special girl and I love you very much." Or something similar that fits your relationship with your daughter. All she really needs to know is that your divided attention doesn't mean abandonment of her, which is likely her fear given her age and developmental needs. She will likely benefit from lots of preparation through conversation and books about becoming a big sister and lots of reassurance once the baby arrives. Good luck.

How old will she be when the baby arrives? My daughter is 2 years and 5 months and for the past month has become quite independent. She may just our grow it.
We hope to put our daughter in preschool a few days a week once we become pregnant as a way for her to have her own time.
Best of luck and congratulations!!!

The best way is the market the idea of the baby to her now. Buy books about being a big sister. Give her ownership of the baby, like the baby is for her as well as you and the rest of the family. Give her an important role, and keep feeding her the stories about being a big sister that can be found in so many books today.

Also, something we did when my youngest was born...We bought a special gift to my oldest from my youngest. He was very involved in helping Mommy with the new baby, and did lots of cuddling with us. Include her as much as possible. Sounds like you are on the right track. You will do fine, and everything will work out.

T.

You certainly are on the right track with you plan to get her involved in the care of her new sibling. I like the idea of getting her books on being a big sister too. One thing to consider is to start weaning her off the pushing off her older sibs. She really needs to know that you have enough love and attention for everyone in your family and that love will be spread evenly. Cuddling together (more than one kid at a time) is a great. She will need alot of reasurance that you are all a family together and each member is loved and cared for. She should not be allowed to make it a competition for attention and certainly not allowed to push her sibs. When she reacts badly to your cuddle with another sib, just calmly tell her that if she would like to cuddle too that is fine, but if she pushes she will have to sit on the mat (or whatever time out/naughty spot you have) until she is ready to be nice. You have a big family and you say this next baby was a surprise. It is possible that since you were thinking that you daughter would be your last that you may have subconciously 'babied' her too much. Easily done! :o) Now is the time to get her on track to knowing she is a loved and cherished part of the family, but not the center of it.

Enjoy your journey!

You have a lot of good advice. You also have a great plan to keep your daughter involved with the baby and being "Mommy's Helper". A few months prior to the birth, read her lots of books about babies and being an older sibling. YOu can find lots of books at your local library.

A few other things that I did was 1) my oldest (then 2 3/4 years old) has a snuggly that she loves. We went to the store and she picked up a snuggly (I snuck in a second in the cart when she wasn't looking) as well as an outfit for the baby to come home from the hospital. My youngest is now 2.5 and my oldest still remembers getting the snuggly. 2) I picked up a few extra toys, such as puzzles that she could do on her own, that I wrapped up. Whenever a gift came for the baby, and there was nothing for my oldest, I gave Erica a present from "the baby" for being such a great big sister. I didn't want Erica to feel that everything was for the baby and feel left out. 3)When nursing, I read books to my oldest since she loves books. It was a great time to spend together. The baby just happened to be nursing at the same time. I've also heard of toys that only come out during the feeding but I didn't do that. 4) My husband spent a lot of time quality time with our oldest while I took care of the baby. 5) I also had her involved with choosing the baby's outfit and choosing the diaper. She also helped with getting burp cloths. 6) I also gave her special attention when the baby was sleeping. It was great to spend time with her without the baby! 7) Since she was in daycare/preschool full time, I kept her there until the baby was about 2 months old. By then she was used to having the baby around and so were my husband and I! She continued to go there 2 days a week and I did "lessons" with her every day that was with the theme at school.