Is it appropriate to write in our family Christmas newsletter that my grandfather has passed away this year? We weren't able to make it to his funeral because I did not want our young children to go to that yet in their lives. We did make it up to visit my grandmother and give her our condolences. I don't want to upset her or bring back the hurt, nor his family that I may send the letter to. He was a sweet person in my life and I want to let others know that a good person has passed away.
Thanks :)
Gosh, the responses are so generous! First, I want to thank you for everyones' understanding, of course he was so important to my grandmother's life. Second, I will be taking this advice to include him in our newsletter. Background is that he basically suffered the last year of his life, sitting in a nursing home with dementia and Parkinson's. My grandmother is coming down this week to spend time with the great-grandkids and to enjoy a little time to herself, we hope to spoil her. He taught me how to fish, how to use a saw to cut wood and both visited me when I graduated basic training. Thirdly, I will be using some of the comments to help shape my writing in the letter. Thanks to all that responded! I want to be cautious to the families' feelings, but still be open to what has been going on. Thanks again!
Put it in the letter. It's a part of life. They'll be okay, especially if you say something sweet about him. People will find it touching.
I think it's appropriate T.. It's a family newsletter and the same way you would want others to know about a birth, I think they would want to know about a passing as well. The way you word it will make the difference. Show sympathy, memories etc rather than announcement. Ex: "We grieve with so and so over the loss of grandpa so and so. He was a great man..We will miss him..have pics of him - ones with fond memories, etc
yes, I think it's appropriate....last year my mother, my dog and my husband all passed away, and my whole Christmas letter was about that basically, but i turned it around to make it a beautiful statement about the hope that Christmas brings. I would be glad to let you read it if you like...just give me your email and I'll send you a copy.
T. I think it would be fine to include in your letter. My mother always does a letter and includes happy and sad moments of our families life over the last year. I'm sorry for your loss.
I think it is absolutely appropriate. There is nothing wrong with honoring someone who has passed. I think it would be respectful to your grandfather to honor him in that way. Maybe you could share a few stories in the newsletter that were good or funny times that you remember with your grandfather.
Take care!
I agree with the other posters below... I know it may bring a tear so some loved one's eyes, but it would almost be offensive if you DIDN'T mention his passing since Christmas newsletters usually highlight the important things that happened that year.
T.,
I think it's totally APPROPRIATE that you include that in the newsletter. It isnt going to be a surprise to your Grandmother that he passed away. The holidays are going to be tough for her this year already. I think they would be more upset if you didnt mention him in the letter. I would say to keep it light, that he is missed, etc.
H.
If you mention it something like this would be ok I think:
"Sadly in June (or whatever month) my beloved grandfather passed away. He was a wonderful family man, and great father, grandfather, husband and friend. We will all miss him terribly"
If you think the newsletter will upset your grandmother - don't include one with her card. My guess is that she already knows this is her first Christmas without him, so reading it won't be upsetting news to her, but maybe she will rather appreciate the tribute and nice words that you might include. If you omit this big event from the summary of the year, she may feel like you feel "out of sight - out of mind".
I'm sorry for your loss. Good luck!
PS: I responded before I read all of the other responses, I think Apryl B nailed it!
Sounds like you want to let everyone know what a wonderful person he was. I think your grandmother would be very touched to know how much he touched your life.
We have been writing every year the family members and dear friends that have passed away and what they have meant to us. Friends who knew my mother, etc. what to know this information.
It would be weird if we never let people know who died in our family. Absolutely share your sad news.
Yes. He should be remembered, and your mentioning some sweet experience you shared will make offer others the opportunity to do the same. It will be a bittersweet moment, enjoyable still. My grandmother passed years ago and we still mention her on special family gatherings because she was so meaningful in our lives.
You sure have a lot of hats!
It seems like it's important to you to remember your Grandfather during the holidays. Of course it may bring to tear to the eyes of his loved ones to read something in a letter, but I think in a good way. Maybe you could write about a few wonderful memories you have of him. I'm sure it will bring a tear but also a smile to you family.
All the best, T..
I think it would be a good idea to inlcude it. It would be like honoring his life.
Oh I would totally add this into your newsletter. This was a major life event for your family and what a great way to honor him. I think not mentioning it would be more, "we've moved on without you" than anything else. When a person passes away, we mourn the loss of their presence, but we rejoice in the lives they spent with us. If your father was a religious man, this is a great oppurtunity to rejoice in his joining with God in heaven. I would say something like,
On a bittersweet note, our beloved father and grandfather, Granpa Pete, left us to join his Father in Heaven on March 15th. We will miss him dearly, especially during the holidays and are forever grateful for the things he taught us and the memories we have together. When I look into my childrens eyes, I am grateful for the influence he had on them and the gift of life he gave to me and my family. Something like that.
My Ex Sister In Law sends out Christmas letters every year and I love them as it keeps me up to date. She tells of special moments through the past year. And yes, sometimes it is to announce someones passing. I see nothing wrong with mentioning your Grandfather but do it in a happy. Talk about a good memory with him and acknowledge that he will be missed. I personally do not see anyone being offended if you do it the right way.
T.,
I agree with many that including the news about your grandfather's passing in an appropriate way is a tribute to him, how much you cared about him and how much he will be missed.
Perhaps instead of including it in the typed and copied portion of your "yearly letter", you could handwrite it at the bottom of those letters that will go out to those who may not already know the news and wouldn't be upset by you including it?
Just a thought/another option.
All the best of the Holiday season...
T.
Of course you should mention that in your newsletter! People want to know that their loved one really did matter and you do that by talking about it and bringing it up. I have been through this with close family memebrs way to much to count and I can tell you it is the right thing to do.
Why not write two letters? One you send to others and one that you send to those you wish to spare pain? It would only take a minor adjustment...copy and paste, delete that portion, and send.
I'll be honest...form letters that get mailed to everyone has never appealed to me and I usually don't even read them. There's nothing personal about them, more like a newspaper article. A handwritten card that is to me however, feels warm and inviting, even if it lacks all the yearly details, that, let's be honest, is always more important to the writer than everyone else. I find the long form written letter once a year to be an excuse for the writer to assuage guilt for not keeping contact for a year; like a "here ya go. I wrote and sent a letter to ya. Done, and now I don't have to feel guilty for never calling or saying hi to ya the rest of the year." One of the traditions adopted by modern society to feel better about not having "time." I figure it this way: if you haven't had time for me the rest of the year, why write me a two or more typed page letter at Christmas time that you've sent to everyone else on your list?
So my real advice: skip the whole form letter thing and actually write a personal card to those you send one to. The time you take typing out a year's worth of info. can be spent instead making the people you care about feel like you care about them. The card doesn't have to be long and the whole family can get involved. I have my boys help me and they do a great job at it too. The person getting the card knows that their's is special; a one of a kind masterpiece just for them. What Grandparent doesn't love a picture drawn for them from their Grandchild? Instead of the card being about me and my family, we make the card about the recipient and how they are loved and missed by us. That's more in keeping with a Christmas spirit...it's about others, not ourselves.
Have a blessed Christmas and sorry to hear of your loss.
