Choosing Friends

There is nothing wrong with compitition- in fact I think it is very healthy. I think you should encourage your son but also teach him the importance of being a gracious winner and a gracious loser. That being said, his two friends don't sound like very good friends to me. Any friend who is condesending or ridiculing is not a friend worth having. I would explain to him that how his friends treat him is not right and that is not how we treat anyone, especially those we call our friends.
My daughter(now 7) had a couple of girl friends who were very rude. If they wanted something she had they would tell her they no longer were her friends until she gave them what they wanted. My son also had a friend who was very rude when over at our house. He was very rude to my younger children- he was no longer allowed over at our house after that. We did the same with my daughters friends. They now have some really great friends.
Teaching your child that everyone wins is setting him up for disapointment in the long run. Teaching him to try his best no matter what I think is more important. I don't mean to offend, there are deffinatly people who take compitition too seriously and I see why you shy away from it, but you also hold him back from really shining if he is afraid to do better than anyone else.
Good luck!
~C.

Honestly, this would worry me. I can understand like 9 or 10 seeing this sort of thing happen, but 5? 5 is still so little to be worried about things like that. If it were me, I'd seriously be limiting his interaction with these kids. This is only going to breed a peer-pleasing attitude. But, admittedly, this is coming from someone who homeschools and shelters her kids more than most!

My guess is that this will pass, both in terms of these 2 particular classmates, and in terms of his choosing friends who don't treat him like a friend.

With the school year coming to an end, it should be relatively easy to distract him from the two classmates you refer to (that's the nice thing about having younger children... we get to choose who to set up playdates with).

It sounds like you're doing a great job of talking to him about having fun and everyone's natural gifts.

On an ongoing basis, your son will learn to see the difference in dynamics between friends. He's just a bit young to differentiate the what he perceives as the cool kids versus the nice kids. It sounds like you're already pointing those things out. I would continue to do that. When you're at the playground or swimming pool, ask your child what he thinks about the boy bossing around his younger simbling, or the girl who won't share her toys, or the kids who are playing really well together and having a lot of fun. Keep encouraging him to think about friendships and which ones are actually benefitial to both friends.

One of my girls really struggled with this when she was younger. She's also a June birthday and one of the youngest kids in the class. We had a number of playdates (that I organized), and invited different kids (one at a time). Very often, when she had a one-on-one playdate with one of the kids that I didn't feel was a good friend to her at school, she'd realize this at home. After the playdate, she'd say, "I don't think I want to invite so-and-so over again." I would casually ask her why not (while inwardly beaming with pride). It would always be a simple explanation... She was bossy, she didn't like to play X, She wouldn't listen to me, etc. Very often, they see these issues when they play individually. It might be something to try if this continues to be an issue.

I know it's difficult to see you child get "dissed" at school. Hang in there. It sounds like you're doing everything right. Your son just needs to mature a bit to see things more clearly as well.

Good luck!

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My now 6 year old got very competitive for a while right about that age. My guess is that it is a phase that will pass so don't worry too much. It sounds like you are already doing everything you can. Good luck!