Chillds Behavior

It's called transitioning, and it's normal behavior for the situation. I've dealt with it for 14 yrs now, and the easiest thing for everyone in the home is to just let the child come home and spend some "down time." Don't ask her about her time with Dad, don't try to get her to do things with you, just let her set the pace and talk about things in her own time, spend some time to herself, etc. She needs to process things and re-acclimate herself to your house and your schedule/rules. When my now 16 yr old was your daughter's age, it actually would take her about two DAYS after each visit to get back into the swing of things at my house....she just had more trouble transitioning from one place to another.

This is all completely normal. At least it is only 4 hours and not 1 day. Be patient with her. She has no other way to let you know that she is confused as to why she didnt see you all weekend. To being with her "father" now back home. Different rules for different homes also play a part in this behaviour as well. Nothing you can do except be firm with her and consistent. She needs to know that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior etc. If her "father" is still immature and you are unable to talk with him about consistencies you will have to just bear with your daughter. You cant force him to parent the same way you do. Good luck been there done it

Hi A.! Do you think maybe she's confused about the situation and is acting out because she's not sure how to express herself? We are getting ready to embark on the same journey. I have a 2 1/2 year old and her "daddy" (not biological) father and I have been married for almost 2 years. I get the "his daughter" speech from my ex all the time. Her biological father is preparing to pursue the visitation via the judicial system. Has your daughter bonded with her biological father like she has her dad? I know I won't know what to expect until it gets here, but it would just be nice to have some clue what I'm in for. Does she call both of them "Daddy?" Is her biological father actively involved in her life? Sorry for all of the questions. Good luck!

A.

I completly understand what you are going thru. I have one that is 5 and one that is 2 and it takes sometimes a few days to get things back to normal. When my son first comes home he will not let anyone but me touch or talk to him. You know what is coming when she comes home so you can be prepared and take a hour when she first gets home for one on one time. Good luck I feel for you.

Hi A.-
Perhaps try videotaping her before and after his visits. Then sit down alone with her biological father to review it. (Having a before and after he can then see she behaves much different) Explain to him that you both have a common interest in that you both want the very best for your daughter. Also, find out what exactly he is feeding her during these visits. Caffeine &/or sugar could be a factor. Tell him your not pointing fingers but that there is a marked differnce in her behavior and as responsible parentS you both need to get to the root of the issue. If its not food intake, perhaps she is having difficulty with the transition from one parent to the other. She could benefit to see the two of you and maybe even her "daddy" as well all in a room together getting along. (If this is possible.) If it possible a hand shake between the adults and perhaps a kind word to one another will show her that everyone gets along. Keep the focus only on her and keep pointing out that you all want the very best for her. Be careful not to say how any of her behavior effects you or her "daddy" - only point out how it is effecting her abilities. Good Luck!

Hi A. it appears that you have a tough situation on your hands. I think that it's terrible that your daughters biological father is not taking this seriously. It is not fair to you or your daughter. Does he tell you what they do when they are together that may give you some insight into her behavior? Is he giving her a bunch of candy, letting her run wild? I know it's hard because the rules at his house are most likely not the same as the rules your daughter has to abide by at your house, but I do think that some kind of understanding needs to be reached here and if he isn't willing to take the time to have a serious conversation about it he is doing your daughter a disservice. I would try talking to him again, and just tell him it is out of concern for your daughter and you are not trying to attack him. Good luck!

Truly there is nothing you can do about your daughter's time with her dad. You can not control it all you can do is let her come home and look at some books or take a nice bath to calm her down. One thing I am trying to learn or grasp is that the only time you can be in control is when she is with you and that all children want time with both parents, let her enjoy her time with her dad no matter how it makes you feel, and if he is an on again off again dad you have to let her eventually work that out, just be there for her and let her lead the way when she gets home, if she wants to share what they did together with you listen and if she just want to keep it to herself let her. My son only sees his biological father maybe once a year, but he still longs to see him and have a relationship with him. I don't agree with many things they do together, but I know I have taught my son well, he knows what ratings for games and movies he is allowed to watch/play and has let his dad know. As long as he isn't endangering your child the only thing you can do is love your daughter and be there for her through all these tough times. Don't forget to help her sort through her feelings as well. At four a lot of children don't know what to call how they are feeling or how to deal with it so walking her through them and giving names to her feelings is always a good idea too. IE "I am glad you had fun with dad, and I know you are excited you got to see him, but mommy needs you to settle down now and get ready for bed." That kind of thing, maybe let her draw some pictures of what they did together to give her dad the next week or some other activity she enjoys that may keep her from bouncing off the walls. Good luck it is a tough situation, but just keep being the best mom you can. Stick with your goals, discipline, and schedule as much as you can and worry less about what they are doing together, the time he has with her is minimal compared to yours.