Childrens Behavior

Hi, I haven't read all of the responses, and I don't homeschool my kids, but I'm thinking about starting next year and have an idea that might help. What about if each morning you have her quiz YOU and ask you 3 questions about what you/she learned yesterday? I'm guessing she will ask you questions she remembers the answers to, so it would help you know what she was retaining. Then as she grows more comfortable with the process have her ask you a question, then you ask her a question, and go back and forth how ever long seems appropriate.

When my daughter won't answer questions I give her options for answers that aren't possible to get her to say no, then she will often open up.

For example:
What did you do at school today?
-no response-
Did you fly to the moon?
-giggling, then "no"
Did you walk on the ceiling?
-more giggling, more playful "no"
Did you eat green eggs and ham?
-outright laughter, then "nooooo"
What did you do?
---appropriate answer that I can then ask follow up questions to tease out what really happened.....almost always works.

-S-

I homeschool four sons, and I have been doing it for about five years. Congratulations on taking the great big first step. This year will probably be your most challenging, unless you add a new baby or two into the mix down the road. Frustration is common, and it is the most common cause of burn out as well. She is only six, so take a deep breath...you aren't going to do any damage. I think the first thing you might want to do is take a look at what you want to accomplish and why you are homeschooling. Are you looking to do school at home(this means replicate public school in your home)? That is what a lot of people start out with, and then move away from. It is hard to start any other way because that is probably how you were taught. Are you choosing to homeschool because you want to provide your daughter with a rich, loving, diverse learning experience that can be tailored to her specific needs developmentally and emotionally? I bet you answered yes to that question. If you did, then my best advice to easing your frustrations is to forget about reviewing what you learned the day before. Feel confident in what you learned because you were there with her. Play with her. Bake cookies and learn how to measure, add, read a recipe and follow directions. Paint and draw what you are reading about. READ READ READ. Then relax. The more regimented learning can take place later, or maybe that is a road you never need to go down because learning can be a great adventure that doesn't need to be the same as we had it when we sat at desks. I know you are trying to coax out her learning style, but believe me you will have it nailed down quickly if you are paying attention while you play with here. Best of luck.

Sincerely,
N.

Let me start out by saying I have never homeschooled a child. But you might want to start out by just going over what you did the day before instead of asking what she remembers. Start out with something like "ok lets get those red crayons and paper out" and see if she knows what color is red. that is a simplistic question lol. I have no idea how old your child is so you may be way past colors and shapes. or maybe not. do you have a program your using? In regular school kids go over stuff for days and weeks on end but the teacher never stands up front (sits in front) of a class and says ok now suzy WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER. your not shouting at her of course but she may feel that your doing it and she is freezing like a deer in the headlights. Good luck

You just need a new approach. Try saying:

"lets review what we did yesterday......."
"My favorite thing was 'x', what do you remeber about that?"
"What was your favorite thing?"
"wasn't it neat when we learned that ......."

My kids (6 & 5) can never tell me what they learned & I ask them when they get in the car from school. So I changed my words & tried different approaches which opened them up a bit.

Something else is that she probably feels your frustration, no matter how well you think you are hiding it, I guarantee she is picking up on it.

I say be more casual & relaxed & not to demanding on something that is new to both of you. Maybe you can take a nature walk & if you were teaching the letter C the day before, you can say we are going to practice making our letters out of rocks, so lets find rocks & form the letter that you learned yesterday.

My almost 9 yo daughter is the same way. This is our 3rd year of hs. One thing I have found to be helpful is to tell her to guess if she isn't sure. If she guesses correctly, I congratulate her and say something like, "see, you knew it!" If she guesses wrong, but her guess makes sense, I always tell her that was a really good guess. When she is just dead wrong, I give her a clue and ask her to try again. I very very rarely just give her the answer because that becomes the easier route for her to take.

Have you ever asked her, 'why' she is afraid of giving an answer???
Talk about it with her.... openly... and say you are both a "team" about learning....

She needs to know that she CAN express herself...
She needs to know that she does not have to be 'perfect.'
She needs to know that she will not be scolded/punished for expressing herself.
She needs to know... that everyone is different and there is no 'right' answer... but that ideas are good.... and can be discussed.
She needs to know how.... to think, that it is a process... that talking out loud is a way to figure things out and discuss it. That even experts do that.
She needs to know... that communicating is okay...
She needs to know, that if she does not understand something, she can say so.
She needs to know... the difference between parental "expectations" and her own ability... is different.... because she is learning... and if something is MORE than her understanding, her parents will help her.
She needs to know... not to be 'afraid' of talking or discussing her ideas... or if she does not remember something, she CAN say so. Openly.

To me, the problem is not about her learning... but her being afraid of saying something wrong. As you said.
So... work with her, socially and as a person... teach her to KNOW herself... to be herself... and nurture whatever talents/interests she has... and incorporate that into 'learning.'
A child needs to know themselves.... to then be able to say... what they are thinking... or any ideas they may have.
That it is not about being right or wrong... but learning is about investigating/asking questions/wondering/and how to go about finding the answers. And... that she CAN.... express that or ask questions.

Drop the review! Drop anything that makes her have to answer any questions and make sure you stick to doing things together that she enjoys that don't require a right or wrong answer until she seems more confident. There's nothing more precious than their self esteem and it needs nuturing.

I'm a home schooling mum and I had to learn to do the same. I realised the reviews were for me to feel better about what I was teaching and that it was up to me to ensure I was doing stimulating activities with them where they could learn and gain what they wanted without feeling they were being tested in ANY way. There is nothing more inhibiting to learning and being creative (which all learning should be) is the feeling of having to please someone else.

Be brave! Have a rethink!

You don't mention your daughter's age, but remember--children, for the most part, live in the present. Most parents ask their kids "What did you do at school today?" and are met with a shrug or "I don't know". I now ask my son more specific questions:"Who did you play with?" and seem to do better. My point is that Peg and Sherry both hit the nail on the head; sometimes, a concrete action or question is helpful. "When we were talking about the shape of the stop sign, what did we call it?" Props can help too. If she's unsure of the answer, you might consider offering it in a multiple choice question: "Okay, I see you need help with the word. Was the stop sign a hexagon, octagon or trapezoid?"

She might also have a harder time with verbal questions, so perhaps some written/visual review cues might help. Or games. Sometimes, kids just clam up when they're being quizzed; you may be able to elicit more answers through more relaxed play methods than just face-to-face recall. Good luck!

Google "learning styles" and similar key phrases for ways to evaluate what your daughter's preferred means of processing information might be. She doesn't have to answer questions for you to do this. You'll get wonderful tips on how to match your educational approach to her needs, and perhaps she'll feel more relaxed and less anxious about getting it wrong.

Good luck.

Have her write the answers. If she is too young to write, then ask the question and don't give the answer if she doesn't respond... then she'll just be training you.

SH gave great advice about the whole fear of being wrong aspect. Emphasize it's okay to not always remember... heck, I can't even remember lessons I did the day before, until I started talking about it and then it came back to me. Perhaps instead of quizzing her about it, have an open dialogue... like, "Remember yesterday our lesson on the digestive system? What stands out from that to you?" When she answers, then elaborate further with another question.

Ex K-1 teacher here. I worked in alternative private schools. Here are some suggestions:

Try writing down some multiple choice answers of what you did the day before and have her choose. Then get her to talk about it. Or you may try using written articles use pictures too, or objects that are connected what you talked about.

Any thing that will get her to talk. Humor is a great starting point. If you can find something funny about yesterday's topic that will help too. A hat, a mask, a object that you hide around the room, etc. Maps are good for geography or history. Try to teach reading through history and literature.

Go on line and find the website for the Children's Bookshop. The website is totally uninspiring but the materials are great. See if you can find something there.

How old is she? The techniques to help children learn are very different from a kindergartener to a high schooler.

If she is a young child, your question may be to vague. If you say, "Tell me about ________." you should have visual cues about what she learned, so it will help cue her like a picture of a horse if you learned about horses, etc.....

I am sure you have done your homework and know that there are many different types of learners. She may not be an auditory learner and asking her to parrot off what you taught yesterday may be a huge stretch for her.

Work hard on making sure she knows that you are NOT frustrated. You have shared that she is afraid of being wrong. It will be important that the environment you create for her is one where she feels safe to take risks and be wrong. This is an important part of learning.

Even though I have thought of homeschooling my children, your situation is precisely why I am afraid of formally teaching my own children. And I am an educator with eleven years of teaching all types of children.

Good luck! Remember all people (children and adults) learn best when their affective filters are low. In other words, if you are not stressed about what you are learning and the information is age appropriate, learning will happen. Be patient!

Are you sure she is afraid of being wrong? Has she ever gotten in trouble or any sort of negative response for being wrong? Probably not (I hope).

I know my kids each went through a phase where they didn't want to answer stuff, and depending on the situation, they pretty much weren't allowed to ignore. One warning to "Answer." which would then be enforced if necessary, but since they knew a warning was serious, we almost never needed to follow through.

Also we always gave a very positive response to whatever they said, even a wrong answer until they got over the "fear". Lots of, "Wow, that was a really good guess, why did you say that? Very good thinking, but actually..." type stuff.
Sometimes it's just stubbornness though. Give her the talk about how learning is all about discussing and there is no reason to worry about being wrong, because you'll have fun finding the right answer, but also tell her she must answer you and not ignore her, or there will be a consequence because it's not being polite, she needs to be a good student. My 4 yo daughter started piano lessons and we're enforcing the good student rules all over again too. Keep it as light and clear as possible. Good luck!

The great thing about homeschooling is that it's a safe place to learn that it's OK to be wrong, that learning is a process and that we learn when we make mistakes. Please don't be frustrated. Some of us (me included) are people pleasers by nature and are easily intimidated, especially under pressure. Perhaps the review style of teaching is not a good fit for her and something more informal will help her to relax and share.

During my first year of homeschooling, a veteran mom told me to not worry about covering everything in kindergarten. She said that if my daughter knew her colors, the alphabet and could count to 100 by the end of the year, we were doing fine. She taught "real" school as well as homeschooling and knew most homeschooled kids were ahead (and their mothers were exhausted).

I think you are right to try to find ways to help your daughter express her thoughts without fear of being wrong. Since we learn through repetition, perhaps the biggest lesson she will learn in homeschool is whether or not it is safe for her to speak up. When she gets up the courage to answer, and is wrong, try praising her for speaking up. She's taking a risk to give an answer when she is unsure, so let her know you are pleased. Hopefully, as she feels secure, she will share more about what she is thinking, remembers, and her train of thought on school stuff and beyond!

Hi D.,

She is 6 years old. Just try to do it fun; the "reviewing" may be or is too much for her. Start each day reading something she likes or coloring words that start with the same letter, etc. I understand your feelings and you want to teach her everything, you don't want her to be behind, you are just concerned. Homeschooling is a wide open door to teach our kids how to LOVE learning and how to LOVE knowledge. Start every day with short activities. Reading a small book and talk about it, counting and looking colorful and educative things in the internet. Don't ask her what she remembers, but talk about the same and let her to continue with what she knows, only after doing something different.
Don't push her, she is learning to work with her mommy and teacher at once; try to make it fun and full of discoveries and smiles, you can do it. Keep a nice routine and rotate every day the basic subjects she needs. There is not much to cover in Kindergarten, but if she is willing to learn more, follow HER lead if not just relax and enjoy teaching her.
I home school my 10 year-old boy and I am starting to teach my 4 and half- year old boy,(pre school stuff and whatever he seems interested in) and he is having so much fun. He also attends P.E. and soccer and have many friends of his age; he sits down by me while working with his brother and he chooses an activity to do in the meantime. He likes tracing and coloring, also he likes making his own flash cards copying mine I did with the upper and lower letters
As I said, have fun and take it easy!