Children Needing Comfort at Night

I think it's a great idea if it makes them more comfortable, and since they aren't sleeping through the night anywyas, it's not likely they will lose more sleep because of this, my boys used to share a room, they insisted and it was never a problem. good luck.

Hi H.,

I think people today are very lonely. They do not have the comfort level or closeness with their sibblings to go to them for help or emotional support. Especially if they're different genders.

I think the fact that I slept with my sisters is a huge contributing factor that we do not fit into that mold. We are so close, we are all married with our own children in different states and we still see each other yearly with our children. We speak regularly on the phone and email daily.

It's a shame that children aren't allowed to be closer. In other countries, they all sleep in the same room and they are so close and comfortable with touch and physical affection. I know people who can't even HUG. So sad!

I would recommend, if you do put them together, do it during spring break, make them look forward to it, they will keep each other up a lot at first so it gives them some time to acclimate to each other.
Because they are different gender, I would only do it for a couple of years.
It will also teach them to share, to lean on each other, and who likes to sleep in a big room all alone? I didn't!

I foresee the SAME issues with my kids, they're 11 months appart, she's 18 months now and he's 7 months.

I hope whatever decison you make works.

I currently have all three of my children in the same room. My daughter (3 1/2) has a tendancy to keep the youngest one up (18mo), but he does eventually ignores her, rolls over, and falls asleep. The oldest son (5) will stay up with her if he wants. Usually he just rolls over and falls asleep. If the 6 year old wants to read, try sending them to bed a few minutes earlier and let them have the reading time. For most kids, a few days of staying up too late, will cause them to go to sleep sooner that night.
We also did the monster spray when my oldest stopped sleeping through the night a few years ago. We just labled an empty bottle. We never put anything in it and it worked well. They also have a night light. A big reason is so we can check on them easier, but that little bit of extra light really helps them.
I hope this helps.

I have 2 children 6 and 4.. my 4yr old, always says hes scared and they have asked to sleep in the same room.. I allow it on weekends, if they are good during the week (didnt allow during the week because of school)..

Have you discussed WHY they are scared and WHAT they are scared of? I have been nanny and worked with hundreds of children over the past few decades. Discussing it ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS helps. Many times you can discuss and they realize their fears are unfounded. If it's the dark.....use a night light or small lamp. Go back to using a baby monitor, if it's a matter of them being afraid of you not being there or not being able to hear them if they "need you". If they go to church and they know that God protects them.....put a picture of Jesus in the room in clear view when they are in their beds. Door left open or open a little....sometimes even those little things will make a HUGE difference to a child.

I'd avoid them sleeping in your room. This could lead to other problems and difficulties down the road.

There are some other options, but I'd start there.

Hi H., I really would not put them in the same room together because then when your daughter gets older she is not going to want her little brother in her private space.

Have you tried using a night lite? I would try doing this and then you and your husband read a book to them while putting them back to sleep. I know that it is hard for you to have to deprive yourself of some useful sleep, but in the long run you will be rewarded by them eventually realizing that there are no monsters and they really do not have to be afraid of the dark because you are always going to be there for them. It really takes a lot of time to get to the point of being rewarded in this way, but if you just keep persistent in your efforts they will be rewarded.

I made "monster spray" and it solved the problem for my daughter.

Get a spray bottle and add water, a little air freshener to make it smell good and some pretty beads or marbles. Label it with the childs name and monster spray. Don't let them see you make it. The ingredients are secret and they can't be passed the recipe until they are parents.

Spray it anywhere that monsters lurk (under the bed, closets etc.) at bedtime.

I don't know if this will work with your kids, but my 4 year old is convinced that it works "even though she knows there is no such thing as monsters". She likes to spray it "just in case." She never gets scared anymore.

Good luck!

One last tip, make sure you like the smell of the air freshener. My first batch was mountain air (big mistake), lavender or vanilla are a much better bedtime scent. :)

Why not let them share? Have you asked them if they want to? Might as well try it. I don't think it could hurt. My two girls, 6 and 4, share and they wouldn't have it any other way. We have an empty bedroom that we use as their playroom since they share and it works out just fine. Yes, they giggle at night sometimes when they are supposed to be quiet, but it doesn't keep them up all night. As a plus I have never had a problem with them coming in to my room at night. And actually, it is kind of fun to stand outside their door some nights and listen to them chatting or sweetly reading to each other. They get along really well and I do believe its because they have to share their space and items. When to separate them? I guess whenever they start wanting more privacy. Maybe when they are teens? Who knows. They may want to stay together for all I know. As for your kids being brother/sister. I wouldn't worry about it. They are so young right now, privacy shouldn't be an issue. And besides, they are sneaking into each other's rooms anyways so it obviously doesn't matter to them. Just remind them that when it is bedtime thay need to be quiet and relax and sleep or else they could end up separated again. And if it doesn't work, move em back out, at least you tried it.

My girls are much younger but I got the idea to let them sleep together from a friend and they have slept better since! I always read them a story and tell them when the lights go out it is time to sleep and rarely have any problems. When I do hear them talking or playing they get ONE warning and if they continue they have to sleep in their own beds in their own rooms. I also make the want wanting to "sleep over" in the other room ask permission from the rightful "owner" of the room also, that way she can choose to say no if she wants to.
Would you budget allow an inexpensive bunk bed? That might be a happy medium for everyone, the older one would thik it's cool to sleep on top and the younger one would feel secure knowing he's not alone.
The final decision is yours and as long as your family is comfortable with it don't worry what anyone else thinks. Good luck with whatever you choose.

Hello H.. As a mom of two and an about to be grandmother, I wouldn't do it. . . It's up to you to teach the children how to handle all kinds of situations - as you know. That sounds like another band-aid for a problem that will eventually work out if you just give it time and keep being persistent in your choice of decisions. Persistence will go so far as a parent. It's not easy but it works. Good luck!

Please please please don't take the previous advice that says to punish your children for getting up when they are scared.

When I grew up I had a great deal of fears and bad dreams at night - when seem to be repeated now with my own daughter - and, fortunately for me, my father (for all his faults) never once reacted negatively to that. I ended up having a little pallet made up on the floor in my parent's room in the event that I needed/wanted to sleep there. While I was encouraged to sleep in my own room, it was okay if I did not.

I cannot imagine how it would have made me feel had either of my parents taken punitive measures against me - after all, these are the very same people who are supposed to love and protect!

If putting yours in the same room will work, go for it.

You might also try "nightmare medicine" that can be found at your local healthfood store or even some Walgreen's. They are small white pills that dissolve under the tongue. My daughter is convinced that they work and, as a result, we have less nightmares. Do they really? I couldn't say, but there is much to be said for the placebo effect.

Hi H.,
I am a mother of 4 children. I have a girl 11, boy 9, girl 7 and boy 17 months. My children are all very close. The girls share a room and the boys share a room. My 7 year old always wakes up in the middle of the night. This is almost a nightly thing for her. She sometimes climbs in to bed with her older sister and she sometimes comes in our bedroom and lays on the floor. She is a first grader and this does not seem to carry over to school. She is an honor roll student as are my two older children. We have never had any behavioral problems with her at school and she has never fallen asleep in school either. The girls do sometimes keep each other up because of chatting from time to time. But in the end they are children and I expect that to happen. For the most part my 7 year old falls asleep faster then the two older ones do. So I say you should go for it. In our home, the children love each other and lean on each other when they are scared. When there is a thunderstorm they all sleep in the same room. We even let them all sleep in the same room on the weekends when school is out. They take great comfort in being together. They also look out for each other at school as well. I think it has helped my children out tremendously. I read an article when my oldest daughter was a baby. The article stated that we are the only culture that separates our children at night. Most cultures co-habitat with the entire family at night. (Mom, Dad, and Children). This is what I based my decision on when I let the children all shack up together at night if they need it. Hope this helps.