Child Missing Dad

My son didn't see his Bio dad until he was three and has only seen him twice since then. I told him that Daddy X loves him very much, but that he can't come see him right now even though he wants to very much. As he gets older he'll realize that it's his dad's choice but as for now that's what I tell him. I plan to explain later that his dad wasn't grown up enough to be a daddy so he picked his new daddy for him.

I can only say what I would do.... and that is that I would put my differences aside and call him. I would remain calm and friendly as I told him our daughter was missing him and ask for him daily. Then I would ask if we could set up a time to visit with him, both of us or just the daughter leading to the point where visits are just the two of them. I would help him out because it would help our daughter out. Most men have no idea the importance they play in their daughter's lives....most think they need only be present for a son. And most feel excluded and that mother daughter bonds are the stronger. I would tell him this and then tell him that it is not true. I would be sure to kindly explain to him that ALL LITTLE GIRLS GET THEIR SELF ESTEEM FROM THE RELATIONSHIP THEY HAVE WITH THEIR FATHER. And I would offer suggestions of what to do with her on the days that he does have her as most men are not that creative. It has been a year so her favorite characters and the like have probably changed. I would suggest trips to the zoo, the park, the children's museum... and I would gladly offer this to him every time he came to get her. Because he probably needs the encouragement and help... and as much as I would wish that he would be an adult and do it all by himself... I would help anyway because in the end it helps my little one. And lastly.... if he refuses to visit her or even if he starts... I would take her to see a counselor who works with family dynamics and can help her work through this in an age appropriate mind set so that she can understand and adjust better. I am so sorry you are going through this and many prayers that your daughter gets the father/daughter relationship she deserves. Of course don't slack on mommy time...and even make something that is just for you two girls. My prayers are with you in such a trying time. God Bless, -MB

You might want to try divorcecare program in Trussville. It is for the adults and the kids

Since child adopted I do not think he really cares for the child and what a pity it would be for her to find out.

He knows not what he is missing for there is nothing greater than the love of a child.

My heart goes out to her.

God Bless

Can you and her father make arrangements for him to see her? A father is so important in a child's life.

If it is he who is not being responsive, maybe you can take initiative. It can be hard for the non-custodial parent to reach out, and maybe hard on his pride to have to be nice in order to see her. Try to approach him kindly. See a family counselor if it helps you to figure out how to best approach this.

In the meantime, reassure your daughter that it can take time for families to reconnect, and that he loves her very much, and you're sure that he thinks about her every day. And I'm sure he does.

L.

I know this is a tough time for you. I have been through this and it is very hard to see your child in emotional confusion and pain. I did art projects that include pictures of my ex and my daughter together. I sent them in the mail from her. I spoke in a very positive tone, yet never lied or provided false hope. It is one of the hardest jobs to be in the situation you are in. Your daughter will learn soon enough if he is to be a part of her life. Only your ex husband will make that decision, so don't bear the burden. You best the best Mom you can be and the rest will fall into place.

Hang in there...it does get better:)

C.

are you in the okc area? a group called Calm Waters offers divorce groups for kids. They would do a great job adn I think you go to classes at the same time to learn more about how to help her adjust. If not in OKC, please look around for something similar in your area.

He needs a reminder that he has a daughter that depends on him for psychological, emotional and financial support. Regardless if the marriage dissolves, he remains a father.

Have the girl write him letters and cards. Take them to the father - with pictures, if you have them. Show them to him. Flat out ask him when he has time available to spend with her. Ask him to recognize that he is causing his daughter emotional pain that will last her lifetime.

If he's not going to fulfill his duties as a father, then he needs to be man enough to say it. If he can just walk away from that little girl and break her heart in two....then she deserves better and I wish you the best in life.

Get some counseling, too. Even children need someone to talk to.

I was adopted also and ultimately the cause of my mom and the man she was married to's divorce. He did not like children. After the divorce (I was probably 3 or so), I was apparently devastated that he wanted nothing to do with me. My mom finally let me call him and talk to him and he told me in uncertain terms that he didn't want to see me. After that, I was fine and never mentioned him again.
This also kept me from blaming my mother. Good luck to you.
L.