Child Hurting So She Talks About It at school...being Downer in Class

One way for her to get the healing she needs is to move on. Since she is in a new school, this is the perfect opportunity for her to start fresh since people don't know the situation. But if she continues to display everything out in the open, it will be harder for her to seek resolution.

She cold also be doing it for attention, maybe it has scarred her so much it's the only thing on her mind. Address this with her counselor as well as her school counselor and main teacher. Tell her if she is at school and needs to talk about it, then she needs to go to the school counselor and not other kids.

Also give her a notebook, she can carry it with her always and she can write in it anytime she wants or needs to get thoughts out.

Why not ask her private counselor how you should be handling this? The counselor either may have ideas on how to talk with her about not venting everything in her new school, or the counselor may instead say it's good for her to talk about this there.

While it's understandable that you don't want her to alienate other kids, you also don't want her to get the impression that she should hide what happened as if she were somehow at fault or as if it's a secret. That could give her the impression that either somehow she was at fault on some level, or that it's not allowed to express experiences and feelings -- And those are things you don't want, because she could begin to clam up with the counselor or with you about other things in the future. Again, I'd talk to her private counselor ASAP about how to proceed -- and it sounds like the counselor might be the one to address this with her, rather than you addressing it with your daughter. Hearing things from her mom may make her feel she's "doing something wrong" whereas hearing it from the counselor may mean she takes it more objectively.

I think it will pass once she is more involved in the day-to-day of classwork and activities; be sure she is getting involved with things at school like clubs and groups. The teacher sounds very sensible to redirect things.

You're going to have to be firm with her and let her know. Tell her "that's enough. You're scaring the other children and making them sad. If you need to talk about it, we have your counselor, but it's not okay to talk about everything in your life to everyone."

You have to teach her that there is a time and place for everything. School is the place for learning.

You can't "convince" her. She's in pain and she needs to talk about it. Ask her counselor what you can do to help her understand when to share and talk to your daughter about it. I know it's a downer for the kids, but the fact that she can talk about it is a good thing - she just needs to channel it to people who can help. Perhaps writing about it in a journal instead?

if she feels safe and comfortable talking about it to other kids her age then I think that is good. and what she says may very well help another child seek help from a bully or stop someone from becoming a bully. maybe another child may hear her talking about it and realize that their teasing isnt nice. Of course I dont know the situation or what she is saying or if it is making issues with her being able to make new friends etc so I am sorry if my advice isnt the best. but I would say that the more she talks about it the better she will be able to deal with the issues and move on. I am so sorry she had to go through that!!! I was teased and bullied a lot in junior high school, kids can be sooooo mean sometimes.

Maybe she's looking for reassurance that what happened to her will not happen at the new school and the more she tells her story, the more reassurance she gets that now she'll be okay, and she is comforted by that. Maybe she likes the attention she gets from talking about it. But I would agree that if she has a private counselor, discuss it with the counselor. You can also talk with the teacher and see if she recommends anything different. I think at 10 years old your daughter is old enough to understand that she can talk about it with you, her counselor, her teacher, and maybe sometimes with a really close friend, but that if she wants to be accepted at the new school, she's going to have to understand how it is turning some the kids off. I would talk with her counselor as to how to best address it with her.

Misery loves company and your daughter is still harboring the pain from what happened and is wanting to share it.
She's 10 and old enough to have a decent mother-daughter chat. Explain to her about how negativity affects others and that her new school is also a new start and she doesnt need to bring that bad luggage to the new environment. Explain to her that if she keeps talking about the "bad" that it will repeat itself. She doesnt want that I'm sure. Explain to her how she can re-invent herself so people will see her as a happy, friendly person. Her experience will help her soothe some other sad girl one day and that's why she went through it. Tell her to keep her heart open but not to wear it on her sleeve because people will tromp on it if they see the weakness.

Honestly, you never know. There may be another child in the class who has been through the same thing. When your daughter shares, it may help another child. I would just encourage the teacher to continue to acknowledge her feelings, reassure her that it won't happen at this school and then redirect her to the task/topic at hand. If she is constantly talking about it, the counselor that she is seeing should be addressing this issue.

She's 10 - she should definitely understand when you say - share at home and with your counselor but not at school... I know it's hard and many need to discuss their traumatic events in order to move on... but there is a time and place - both of which she has.

Sounds like your daughter was quite traumatized by these incidents. Have you ever tried EFT (emotional freedom techniques?) you can find more about it on EFTUNIVERSE.COM it's a free website.

The point of EFT is to help unblock energy in our body. It's believed that these energy blocks are what in part, "keep us stuck" or traumatized as it were.. It's done by "tapping" on meridian points of the body (just as an acupuncturist) might do, but with EFT not only are you tapping specific meridian points but you are also bringing a selected memory to the forefront. For example, In my case, I get very anxious when in a car and especially when there are cyclists next to it. An EFT practitioner I was seeing had me of course do the obvious, which was run thru any trauma that might have occured in my life and in relation to a car.. So I start reeling off memories (all the while thinking, is this gonna really work) then I get to a memory of when I kicked a ball out into the street and my brother says, I'll get it and bam....... he is hit by a car.. Now, I have had this memory since I was little and although I was sad that my brother was hit, he did survive and with no permanent damage for which I was so thankful. However, as I began to tell the story BAM.... out of the blue, I felt this great sadness.. this shocked me because it was as if the accident was actually happening right then and there in the room.. it was NOT just a distant memory (like I thought it was) anyway, the EFT practitioner then had me tap the specific meridian points and all the while you say different things (the EFT practitioner) will help the person with that..
The point was and is.. we carry trauma within us, whether we know it or not.. and your daughter, despite those things happening at another school, may still "feel" it in her body. EFT , in my opinion can help clear that up.. withouth lengthy talk therapy (which often doesn't work anyway)
after my sessions, we go thru the whole scenario again and after about 3 rounds of tapping, I could finally tell the story about my brother without all that sadness. the memory doesn't fade, but the trauma behind it did..
Apparently, kids respond well to EFT.. therefore, why not look into it. even if just reading about it... they have FREE video downloads and articles to read..

I wish you and your daughter the best..